Couplet January 4, 2002 (Pink) Written by: Tim Minear & Jeffrey Bell Directed by: Tim Minear Teaser INT. ANGEL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT - CONNOR'S FACE Sweet and perfect in sleep. ANGEL Leans over the crib, tucks in the blanky. Angel's still in his tux, as this is only moments after the end of ep 13. He continues to look at the sleeping boy as the HOST appears at his shoulder. After a quiet moment, still gazing at baby... ANGEL It's strange. I remember him being taller. HOST (off the baby) Trick of the light. They don't actually get smaller until they're very, very old. Angel moves away from the crib, starts to untie his tie, remove his tux. Host automatically helps him, a green valet. ANGEL I didn't mean the baby. HOST I know you didn't. ANGEL I meant the Groosalugg. HOST I know you did. ANGEL He seem, I dunno, short? HOST Oh, absolutely. Clearly the guy shrank. All over, probably. Why he's nothing but a muscle-y midget. I'm sure the moment Cordelia gets him home she'll justü pop him in a small-ish drawer and that'll be that. You got nothing to worry about, tiger. Angel only really registered one thought from that: ANGEL She took him home -- (then) Well, that's... good. At least we won't have to put him up here. (kinda muttery) Place was starting to turn into a hotel. HOST So... you don't have a problem with that, then? ANGEL Of course not. Why would I? HOST Oh, I don't know... maybe because I don't remember you wearing this perfume when you left this evening. The Host sniffs Angel's tux jacket. Angel grabs it from him. ANGEL (admitting only this much) Okay, so there may have been some magic. HOST Ya see! ANGEL Actual magic, Lorne. Whatever happened, it was a spell. But it's worn off now. There's nothing between Cordelia and me. HOST Sure there is! And it's got arms like steel cables and a deeply ironic sense of timing. ANGEL It's good Groo showed up when he did. You were right -- Cordelia deserves a champion. Now she's got one. HOST And whatü about you? ANGEL I don't need a champion. HOST You need someone. ANGEL You're wrong. I'm fine. I've been a solo act most of my two hundred forty plus years. And when I wasn't, never turned out well. Being alone is good. I like it. HOST Fine, Miss Garbo. Have it your way. Be alone. And the Host exits. Angel moves to his closet -- ANGLE FROM INSIDE ANGEL'S CLOSET Angel hangs his tux coat. Shuts the closet door. We hold for a beat, then the closet door re-opens, Angel takes the lapel of his hanging tux, puts it to his face, breathes her in. Then shuts the closet door -- INT. CORDELIA'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT ANGLE FROM INSIDE CORDELIA'S CLOSET As she pulls the door open, peeling off her dress. She speaks loudly as Groo is in the other room at the moment. CORDELIA So, you got deposed, huh? GROOSALUGG (O.S.) Yes. She continues changing as -- INT. CORDELIA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT GROO, in his medieval garb, roams Cordelia's apartment, taking in this dimension. GROOSALUGG At firsöt my rule went well. But things changed. Soon the people turned against me. CORDELIA (O.S.) Yeah. They'll do that. GROOSALUGG Endless committees were formed. The committees splintered into factions, the factions formed coalitions, the coalitions turned into subcommittees, until finally the more radical elements, spurred by a charismatic leader, did The Dance Of Revolution. CORDELIA (O.S.) It's a good thing you got out, then. GROOSALUGG Yes. I went to one of the ousted Priests Of The Trombli who, with his knowledge of the ancient books, caused a portal to open through which I escaped. Cordelia emerges from the other room, if anything looking even tastier in her casual home-for-the-evening-chic. CORDELIA And here you are. He reacts, drinks in the sight of her. GROOSALUGG Yes. The attraction and electricity between them is palpable. Everything's about that as she inches closer and closer to him... CORDELIA So, uh... you don't miss it? You know, the power, the castle... the conc÷ubines and royal chippies. GROOSALUGG There was never anyone else. CORDELIA Oh. GROOSALUGG And I welcomed the overthrow. The tedium of government was unbearable after a life on the battlefield. CORDELIA More a man of action, I guess. GROOSALUGG I would have continued to rule, had they let me. Because I knew you wished it. CORDELIA But your heart wasn't really in it. GROOSALUGG No. That left when you did. They're very close, now. They come together by a force not unlike gravity. The kissin' starts. Heating up. Deep and passionate. Once it's done, she draws back, a little light headed, but reacts as she sees - CORDELIA'S POV Of a HIDEOUS DROOLING DEMON looking at her. She just kissed that? It seems to say, in Groo's voice -- DROOLING DEMON (Groo's voice) Princess? Cordelia shuts her eyes, shakes her head, looks again and this time Groosalugg is back to his handsome, blue-eyed self again -- GROOSALUGG Is something wrong? Off Cordelia's fear... BLACK OUT. END OF TEASøER Act One INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY Angel comes down the stairs carrying Connor. He looks around. Still early. Wesley emerges from his office, notepad in hand, already here working. ANGEL Hey. WESLEY Morning. ANGEL (looking) You, uh, the only one here? WESLEY So far. And how is young Connor today? ANGEL He's good. Cordelia's usually in by now, isn't she? WESLEY It's early. And I imagine she and Groosalugg were up late. They had a lot of catching up to do. ANGEL Huh. Right. "They." Distracted, Angel moves into -- WESLEY'S OFFICE Wes follows. Angel puts Connor down in the office crib. WESLEY I was hoping you and I could talk before the others arrived... ANGEL What is it? WESLEY Well... it's the fact of him. I know his sudden arrival was something we all needed a moment to digest. Still, there are questions... ANGEL You're suspicious. WESLEY "Cautious" might be a better word. ANGEL No, right. Cautious. We should be cautious. I agree totally. WESLEY Yoúu do? Good. Because -- ANGEL You think he's evil? WESLEY Evil? ANGEL Okay, maybe not "evil," but he's definitely hiding something. He seem shorter to you? Wesley stares for a long beat, then -- WESLEY We are both talking about Connor, aren't we? ANGEL What about Connor? WESLEY He shouldn't exist. Angel goes a bit stony, defensive. ANGEL His birth was foretold. How many people can say that? WESLEY He has a role to play. That's true. But we still don't know what that role is. We can't be afraid to ask the questions, Angel. Because your enemies -- his enemies -- certainly won't be. ANGEL Holtz. WESLEY Yes. Amongst others. ANGEL (a beat, softening) You're right. We have to be prepared. WESLEY I'm glad you agree. However, now that we've lost the Nyazian prophecies... ANGEL We both know where those prophecies went. Maybe it's time to stage another assault on Wolfram and Hart. WESLEY That might not be necessary. Not yet, anyway. There should be other sources. Ancieünt works accumulate scholarship and commentary over the years. ANGEL You think someone else may have already done the work for us? WESLEY That's my hope. I've been looking into it. I just... I felt you should know. ANGEL I want to be involved completely. CORDELIA (O.S.) Involved with who? He didn't even hear her come in. He turns. She's out at her station, un-shouldering her over-sized bag. ANGEL You're here. Angel moves out to -- RECEPTION AREA ANGEL So's he. He sees Groosalugg over at the weapon's cabinet, looking at various items, toying with them. He sees Angel, nods. GROOSALUGG Angel! Your weapons are most impressive! ANGEL (forced smile) Thanks. Thank you. (sotto to Cor) Could you please ask him not to handle my weapons? CORDELIA Relax. If there's one thing Groo knows, it's how to handle a weapon. (glances at Groo) Poor guy. Looks like that's about all he's gonna be handling. ANGEL You mean... you two didn't..? CORDELIA I got him home last night and we started ïto... you know. But then... She's taking some materials, note-pad, sketch-pad, from her bag, organizing these things. She pauses. Looks at him. A moment of seeming connection... CORDELIA I couldn't go through with it. ANGEL You couldn't? CORDELIA Not after seeing that disgusting spiny thing. ANGEL Spiny? CORDELIA Right up in my face... She heads off. He follows her into -- WESLEY'S OFFICE -- non-stop action. Cor moves to Wes at his desk. CORDELIA ...that's what the visions are like now. No pain, less artsy, sometimes floaty - though not lately -- and very often stinky. WESLEY You had a vision? She hands him material she pulled from her bag. CORDELIA Yeah. Big as life. Last night while Groo and I were getting reacquainted. Kind of a mood killer, I gotta say. Wesley looks through the notes, sketches, etc. WESLEY You should have called one of us. CORDELIA Oh, please. Like I'm gonna bother you guys in the middle of the night just because I want sex and can'ët have it. WESLEY Actually, I meant the vision. CORDELIA Oh. That. It was only like a def-con 3. It's not rising until sometime later today. WESLEY Oh. Why can't you have sex? CORDELIA I could lose my visionity. Angel and Wes share a look. WESLEY (muttering looking back at materials) Allllright. If you want to play it that way... CORDELIA Vision-ity. The visions. When that one hit me last night -- it hit me: in Pylea, the visions were supposed to pass to Groo if we ever did the royal Com-Shuk. How do I know that won't happen here? ANGEL Wow. Good point. You really don't. WESLEY But your recent transformation might've changed all that. It's possible you could... ANGEL Still. Better safe than sorry. You're doing the right thing. As she drifts to the doorway, gazes out at Groo who looks studly and hero-y in the near distance with his big weapons. CORDELIA I know. I know! I can't risk it. It's just... I'm so... he's such a... (pure sexual desire) Errrrr-ruf!!ï (to them) Don'tcha think? Angel and Wes both look away, muttering, uncomfortable. ANGEL Oh, well, sure. I guess. WESLEY Certainly a very attractive man. CORDELIA (thinks, watches Groo) Maybe there're other things we could do to relieve the tension. ANGEL Jogging could be a thing. WESLEY Or perhaps there's some form of paranormal prophylactic that would allow you to... ANGEL Because, you know, endorphins... CORDELIA I guess we could probably "Com" without actually "Shuking," right? ANGEL Well... I dunno. That could be a slippery slope that once you're on it you could... slide. CORDELIA Well, at least I won't be upsetting the average around here... Nobody in this office is ever gonna get any... EXT. OUTDOOR DINER - DAY A few finished breakfast plates. FRED finishes devouring her last stack of pancakes. GUNN, coffee only now, small plate neatly set aside, watches her. Enjoying it. GUNN It's funny... FRED (suddenly self- conscious) The way I chew? GUNN Nõo. Until... that kiss last night, I woulda thought maybe you and Wesley had a little thing for each other. FRED Wesley? GUNN Yeah. FRED No. We're just good friends. GUNN You want another order of those? FRED (through full mouth) Yes, please. He starts to look for a waiter, she stops him -- FRED No. Wait. No. I'm not hungry. GUNN You sure? I love watching you eat. FRED Wow. (then) But we should probably go - people might start to talk. GUNN (laughs) Why would they? FRED Well, you know... us. GUNN "Us"'s been doing breakfast together for weeks. Everyone knows that. FRED I know, but... now things are different -- (suddenly unsure) I mean, they are -- right? GUNN Oh, yeah. FRED So you don't think they can tell? GUNN From here? FRED I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous, I know. I'm just... I guess I don't have a lot of experience in this area. I spent the last five years in a cave. GUNN I know what that's like. FRED (stop teasing) How could you? GUNN ç'Cos now everything's so bright my eyes hurt. I like it. A beat as they look at each other. Smiles. A WAITER passes, sets a bill down. Without looking at him -- GUNN Thanks --- FRED Thank you. They both reach for it at the same time, their hands meeting. They just keep their hands there, look at each other. Beat. FRED How're we gonna work this? GUNN Like we always do -- we'll split it. FRED But you hardly ordered anything... I'd be getting so much more value. GUNN Oh, I think I'm makin' out okay. They come together, poised for a kiss -- suddenly Gunn's BEEPER starts going off. Now Fred's starts going off, too. They both check them -- look at each other. The thing that got in the way of their kiss -- GUNN Wesley -- FRED Wesley. INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY - WESLEY is before the assembled staff with a TOME which features a drawing of the demon from Cordy's vision. The staff (along with Groo) sit/stand variously. WESLEY We've identified the demon ×from Cordelia's vision as a Senih'D. -- Gunn and Fred next to each other, their concerted effort to avoid eye contact saying much. -- Cor is perched, Groo stands behind her, his hand on her shoulder, her hand in his, an easy comfort with one another. -- Angel kind of hovers in the background, behind Groo, occasionally trying to see if he's taller. Wesley hands the open book to Gunn, who looks at it... WESLEY We believe it's going to rise under the mid-city area sometime before nightfall. Gunn passes the book to Fred, their hands touch, fingers linger. Wesley notices, but forces himself to continue -- WESLEY A Senih'D manifests in its physical form for one purpose only -- to feed. Immediately upon rising, it will go to ground to search for a victim... we've got to make sure it doesn't find one. Fred passes book to Cor. She hands it back to Groo with: CORDELIA Seen it. Groo takes the book. Looks at it. WESLEY Angel will take the sewer tunnels. The rÐest of us will go by car to Sorenson Park where we'll enter the underground from the water treatment plant there, double back. Hopefully by the time we meet up again... GROOSALUGG I know this creature. He has everyone's attention -- GROOSALUGG It resembles the Bleaucha which nest in The Scum Pits Of Ur. I have slain many. WESLEY Really? Angel rolls his eyes. Big man. Wow, you're so impressive. GROOSALUGG Tracking it will be simple. Killing it, more difficult. ANGEL (under his breath) Well, yeah. WESLEY Alright, then. Groo, you go with Angel. Angel is about to mouth his protest, but Groo turns to him. GROOSALUGG It will be an honor. WESLEY Let's move out. Everyone hops up, breaks off. Cor and Groo and Gunn and Fred move to weapons cabinet, gear up. Angel moves to Wesley. ANGEL You know -- I don't think this is such a great idea. Me and him. I'm more of a loner, really. Plus, he's kinda bulky. Could slow me down. WESLEY He's aÍn experienced warrior. He should be a great asset. At the weapons cabinet, Cor picks out a broadsword for Groo. CORDELIA Here's a nice one. Groo tests it with a flourish. Angel bristles. ANGEL That's my favorite broadsword! WESLEY It'll be fine, Angel. Cor and Groo approach. She fiddles with his tunic. CORDELIA Sure that's gonna be warm enough for you? Those sewers are pretty damp. (to Angel) Here. She thrusts a smaller axe into Angel's hand. Then she rises up, kisses Groo. ANGEL (resigned) Let's go. Angel grabs Groo and they head toward the basement exit. GROOSALUGG (to Angel, as they go) After we slay this beast, I shall present its head to my princess. As a token. ANGEL Right. 'Cos she'd love that. CORDELIA (To Wesley, happily watching them go) They're cute together, aren't they? WESLEY Yes... they are. But Wesley's gaze has shifted to Fred and Gunn over by the weapons cabinet. And they are pretty damn cute together.ß INT. SEWER TUNNELS - DAY ANGEL AND GROO moving through the sewers, on the hunt. Angel is all laser beam concentration. Groo seems preoccupied. ANGEL You sense anything? GROOSALUGG Yes. A deep sadness. (then) My princess. She is unhappy. I fear I am the cause. ANGEL No. No, and she's not unhappy, Groo. She's thrilled you're here. GROOSALUGG Then what keeps her from me? There is a distance. As if her heart is not free. ANGEL I think maybe she's afraid to get close. I guess she's scared if she does, she might lose something. Angel signals quiet. MOVEMENT up ahead, weird SOUNDS. Angel motions Groo to go to take his flank. Suddenly these two battle-tried warriors are working together like a seasoned team. THE SENIH'D DEMON Rises up out of the muck of the sewer. Big scary. It attacks, knocking Groo back. Angel is there in a heartbeat, pulling Groo to safety and landing a few solid blows. The demon is strong, slams Angel up against a wall. Angel shakes it off, Ãrises -- but the demon is gone. Angel goes over to Groo, helps him up. Points to the ground -- glistening demon blood. GROOSALUGG You've wounded it. See? It bleeds. ANGEL Better than breadcrumbs. Come on. They follow the blood trail to -- INT. CITYWORKS PLANT - DAY A self contained building. Lots of levers and dials. Angel and Groosalugg come up through a manhole from the sewers. Quiet and creepy. THE DEMON drops from above, lying in wait. Angel and Groo square off with it. Incredible, edge-of-your-seat fighty fight as Angel and Groo work together to battle this thing. The guys go at the thing. But the demon launches a ferocious counter attack, driving them back toward an industrial. It springs. Angel and Groo leap out of the way -- the demon hits the metal door and goes through it -- big CRASH -- SUNLIGHT comes BLASTING into the building. Angel's hit by the shaft of light briefly. SIZZLE. He rolls free of it. Draws back. EXT. CITYWORØKS PLANT - DAY - CONTINUOUS BUSINESS PEOPLE on their lunch breaks. They scatter as the hideous demon snarls and snaps at them. It grabs a SCREAMING WOMAN, as -- INT. CITYWORKS PLANT - DAY - CONTINUOUS Groosalugg runs to Angel, offers his hand -- GROOSALUGG Come! ANGEL I can't -- Groosalugg takes a confused beat, then he turns and goes after the demon himself, rushing into the daylight. All Angel can do is watch, as -- EXT. CITYWORKS PLANT - DAY - CONTINUOUS GROOSALUGG Stalks toward the demon and captive in an astounding HERO SHOT. He raises his weapon, all confidence. He moves in for the attack/rescue as -- WES, COR, FRED AND GUNN Appear, coming up over a gentle rise in the park as -- GROOSALUGG forces the demon to lose its grip on the woman. With the damsel under one arm and his free hand wielding his sword, he makes short-ish work of the wounded demon. The killing blow causes it to DISSOLVE into nothingness. The ONLOOKERS are aghast. WE HEAR various pÓraise: "Did you see that?" "He's a hero!" Like that. The gang rushes up. They take the stunned would-be-victim. Check for damage. Cordelia rushes up to Groo. Her hero. She plants a big one on him, as... ANGLE - LOOKING INTO CITYWORKS PLANT Through the shattered wall. Angel, lurking in the shadows, can only watch Groo's triumph from the distance. BLACK OUT. END OF ACT ONE Act Two INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - WESLEY'S OFFICE/LOBBY - DAY ANGEL'S POV Looking through the office windows into the lobby. Cordelia and Groosalugg can BE SEEN. Very chummy and lovey dovey together. Groo seems to be re-telling the tale of his victory. Gunn and Fred are among his audience. But this image is favoring Cor and her adoring attitude toward Groo. SUSAN (O.S.) You think you know someone. You think your place is secure and that there's a future there... and then something happens. No. Strike that. Someone happens. They insinuate themselves, pushing you out, taking your place. ANGEL éSits at Wesley's desk, only half listening to the woman, a plain, tense gal in her twenties. We'll call her SUSAN. ANGEL And what makes you think this other woman's a witch, Miss Frakes? SUSAN Why else would Jerry cheat on me? We've been engaged for eight years. She had to have put some kind of a spell on him. INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - RECEPTION AREA - CONTINUOUS Wesley is standing over the reception area, phone to his ear, he jots info down on a notepad -- WESLEY I'm looking for it in the original Greek, if at all possible... During this, he's eyeing -- -- Groo, Cor, Gunn and Fred. This POV favors Fred. WESLEY You do? Excellent. Would you mind holding that for me? Thank you. INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - WES'S OFFICE/RECEPTION AREA - CONT. ANGEL If you give me the woman's name, I'll have someone check her out. See if she's... a witch. Susan clutches a stack of printed e-mails. SUSAN Hotblonde37159. (off the silence) That's all I got off the e-mails I took from Jerry's comîputer. Wesley is now hovering in the doorway, the notepad with the information he jotted down in his hand. ANGEL It's going to be kind of difficult to find her based solely on this. SUSAN Just follow Jerry. I'm sure he'll lead you right to her. Eventually. ANGEL (to Wes) Miss Frakes wants us to stake out her fiance. SUSAN It's for his own good. This voodoo woman has put a hex on him. ANGEL I was just trying to explain to her that... WESLEY I think we can spare someone to keep an eye on Miss Frakes' fiance. Angel's a little surprised by this. Wesley calls out to: WESLEY Gunn! (to Angel) If witchcraft is involved, we should look into it. He smiles to Susan as Gunn appears. GUNN 'sup? WESLEY Gunn, Miss Frakes needs some surveillance work. I thought if you were free -- GUNN Yeah, not a problem. WESLEY Good. She'll fill you in on the details. I leave it in your hands, then. GUNN Sure thing. FRED (appearing) We won't let you down. Fred emerges from aöround the corner. She smiles at Wes as she slides past, joining Gunn. The two of them perch at the desk, introducing themselves to the client. ANGEL Wes -- ? Angel exits to reception. Wes, defeated, follows. RECEPTION AREA ANGEL (re: the notepad) So what is it? Both Wes and Angel distracted during the following. WESLEY I, uh, may have had some luck. -- Wes can see into the office. Notes Fred leaning on Gunn to get a look at an e-mail that Susan has given them. The closeness very apparent. -- Angel looks over at Cor and Groo, whispering and laughing together. The only two people on earth. ANGEL (absently) Oh. Good. Huh? WESLEY I've located a rare bookseller who has a copy of Grammaticus' Third Century Commentaries in the original Greek. ANGEL Oh. (then) What? WESLEY The commentaries on Nyazian text. The prophecies concerning your son. ANGEL (perking up) My son -- (with a glance to Cor and Groo) Can we go now? WESLEY (sneaks a peek at Fred and Gunn) I think it's best.û INT. BARLOWE'S ANTIQUARIAN BOOKS - NIGHT A small owner operated shop. Angel and Wes enter. ANGEL I don't know. Maybe they should just do it, get it over with. WESLEY I'm sorry? ANGEL Cordelia and Groo. She's trying to be all noble, for the good of the team, and I'm thinking maybe she should make with the Com-Shuk. That's what she wants. WESLEY Ah. They've arrived at the counter where, LIONEL, a thin, fastidious man stands, reads a book. LIONEL May I help you? WESLEY Yes. -- I phoned earlier about Grammaticus' Third Century Greek Commentaries. LIONEL Of course. The G.T.C.G.C. I'll be just one moment. Lionel walks into the back. Disappears behind the shelves. ANGEL I mean, why not? Life's short, right? Okay, not mine, but most people's. And if Groo does it for her, she should go for it. It'll make her happy. Make him happy. (clearly unhappy) Everybody happy. WESLEY Still... office romance. Complicates things. What if they should break up? Or have a row? ANGEL All of usà fight with each other at some point and it's not like anyone else is having a romance. I don't see it changing things much. Wesley looks away. Swallows that. WESLEY Well, she said it herself -- it could risk the visions. ANGEL (shrugs) Okay. So the visions pass to Groo. He gets 'em instead of her. So what? WESLEY You're not suggesting Groosalugg could replace Cordelia? ANGEL (under his breath) Maybe not Cordelia. Wesley gets it now. Angel's feeling pushed out. WESLEY I see. But you think he could replace you -- ANGEL I dunno. Seems to me here's a guy who can do everything I can do -- and a few things I can't. WESLEY That's not true. ANGEL You saw what happened this afternoon. If Groo hadn't been there -- WESLEY Then the rest of us would have. (then) Angel -- you're the reason we're all in this. It's your mission which animates us. We each contribute, it's true -- but you... you're unique. You're like one of these rareØ volumes. A one-of-a-kind. Lionel reappears with: LIONEL I got three of 'em. All in varying states of disrepair. LIONEL Oh, look. Cover's coming off this one. I'll give you twenty per cent off and a free bookmark. Off Wesley and Angel -- INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - LOBBY - NIGHT Groo in profile as Cordelia leans into the frame, kisses him tenderly. Pulls away, looks at him, hard. CORDELIA Are you sure about this? GROOSALUGG I am sure. CORDELIA Good. And don't worry -- I practiced plenty on my cousin Ned when we were kids. WIDER WE SEE Cor has turned Wesley's office into a make-shift beauty parlor, including a large mirror. She picks up a spray bottle, some scissors, etc. Moves to him, then stops. CORDELIA Oh, wait -- it's not like your strength is in your hair or anything, right? GROOSALUGG No. I believe it is in my muscles. He flexes. She swoons. CORDELIA Ho-kay. She wets his hair. Is close. Haircuts can be very sexy. CORDELIA So we lèose the Battlefield Earth hair, get you out of those animal skins, it'll be a whole new you. GROOSALUGG And this "new me," will it be one you can allow yourself to love? CORDELIA What? GROOSALUGG Will the new me please you in ways that the old me could not? CORDELIA Groo... it's a haircut. It's not gonna make me like you any better. GROOSALUGG Oh. I understand. CORDELIA I already like you. A lot. She sees his sadness. Deflates a bit. CORDELIA You didn't give up your throne and come all this way for a make-over, did you? You came for something I can't give you. Me. And it's not that I don't want to. I do... I've never met anyone like you, Groo. You're so open and sweet and... there's a definite thing here. It's just... GROOSALUGG You're afraid that with me you will be less than you were. This stops her. She looks at him, realizing something -- EXT. CITY PARK - NIGHT - WIDE AN N.D. SEDAN pulls up to a curb, the headlights go dark. A MAN emerges. Early 20's,Ë he looks like a guy destined for mid-management at Kinkos. He carries a single rose. He looks about nervously as he makes his way to a large tree. GUNN'S TRUCK Rolls into frame. Gunn driving, Fred in the passenger seat. GUNN Looks like this is it. Better get the camera. Fred grabs a small video camera off the floor, opens its clamshell screen. Sets the camera on the dash, aims it toward Jerry. Hits RECORD. FRED You think he's really possessed or under some kind of spell? He glances around, checks his watch. Fred adjusts the camera to center him in frame. GUNN Hard to say. There're so many different kinds of magic. -- Demon-y love spells and mojo sex chants and voodoo bootie rituals and... FRED ...voodoo bootie ritual? (smiles/elbows him) You're making that up. Gunn looks into Fred's eyes. Is captivated. GUNN Then there's the all powerful big, brown, soulful eyes kind of magic spell. FRED (locked in on Gunn) Kinda familiar with thatå one myself. They lean toward each other as if they're going to kiss, then Fred catches herself and pulls away. FRED We should... She indicates toward Jerry, over on the bench. GUNN Right, 'cause we're all about the work. Gunn shifts a leg, makes a casual adjustment that Fred misses because she's lost in thought. FRED Maybe it's not so much magical as chemical. When two people are attracted. Maybe it's like the DNA knows what it needs and when it finds it, nothing can get in the way. (she looks to Gunn) It just takes it. GUNN It does? She nods, presses into Gunn for a kiss. A long, slow kiss; a kiss that says, "wait 'til you see what's next." As it ends, they linger close together. Speak quietly. FRED Charles? GUNN Yeah? FRED We're not supposed to be the ones here having the rendezvous -- GUNN We're not? FRED No. He is. GUNN Yeah, but he's cheating on someone. You and me, we got a right. FRED I know, but we're supposed to be working. GUNN î(sigh) You're right. CLOSE - FRED AND GUNN In profile. As they pull apart, CAMERA RACKS to the now EMPTY bench, visible between them in the distance. Jerry is nowhere to be seen. GUNN Damn. Off Gunn and Fred, worried that they've blown it: INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - GARDEN ENTRANCE/LOBBY - NIGHT Wes and Angel return via the back entrance. Wesley has his rare book in a bag. They're in mid conversation. WESLEY I'll get started on translating this material right away. ANGEL Wesley -- ? (Wes looks at him) Thanks. For what you said before. I guess I was feeling a little obsolete. You put things into perspective for me. WESLEY I'm glad I could. And while I do believe having another warrior for good could be an asset to us in the coming days, you and Groosalugg are two very different... people... Wesley trails off as they enter the lobby from the garden. Angel looks to see what he's seeing -- AN ANGEL DOUBLE Has his back to them. He turns -- it's Groo with his new haircut -- Angeôl-like. Great shirt and pants, one of Angel's long leather coats. He sees them, hails them with a wave. GROOSALUGG Hello! WESLEY ...who look exactly alike. ANGEL (through his teeth) He's wearing my clothes. WESLEY Good fit. ANGEL (to Groo, forced smile) Where's Cordelia? INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - WESLEY'S OFFICE/LOBBY - NIGHT Cor's at the desk, surrounded by open tomes and throw-away newspapers. She looks a little nuts. Angel enters -- CORDELIA Oh, good. You're back. ANGEL He's wearing my clothes. CORDELIA What? Oh, yeah. I didn't think you'd mind. Turns out you guys are about the same size. I think he's a little taller. Looks great, though, doesn't he? ANGEL Cordelia... She hits him with a look right in the eyes. CORDELIA Angel I need your help. She's not desperate, but something like it. Very focused, very serious. It takes him aback a little. ANGEL What happened? Did you have a vision? CORDELIA What? No. No, nothing like that. This is... personal. ANGEL (÷softening) What is it? CORDELIA I wouldn't ask, except... there's really no one else I can trust with this. It's something only you can do. ANGEL (gently) Tell me. She hesitates. He looks at her. She looks at him. CORDELIA You've done so much for me already. (then, trying to lighten things) One more thing for the list, I guess. ANGEL There's no list, you know that. You just tell me what I can do. CORDELIA I need you to help me have sex. (adding) With Groo. Angel just stares. Hairs going up on the back of his neck. He glances back, sees Groo in the lobby, grinning and waving, looks back to the plaintive Cordelia. He's in the middle. Off that -- BLACK OUT. END OF ACT TWO Act Three INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - WESLEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT ANGLE LOOKING INTO LOBBY Wesley and Groo talking. We can't hear what they're saying. REVERSE Cordelia's watching Groo. Angel is sitting on the edge of the desk. A few moments have passed. CORDELIA I realized something today. It's not the threat ofó losing the visions that's been keeping me from being close. It's me. The visions are just an excuse. I mean - there's always some excuse. She turns, looks at him. CORDELIA But love finds a way. Or it should, right? ANGEL Right. CORDELIA I'm tired of being lonely. He just looks at her. Finally manages: ANGEL Yeah. CORDELIA (moves to desk) So I worked it out. ANGEL You did? CORDELIA It was something Wesley said. A paranormal prophylactic. It got me thinking -- I couldn't be the only woman on Earth who has some supernatural gift that could be lost through physical intimacy -- ANGEL (huh?) Stands to reason... CORDELIA So I started researching. Anyway, I was right! There's a potion. A protective potion. I take it and - bang! I can. ANGEL Potion...? CORDELIA The woman's name is Anita. She's kinda "in the business." Makes love potions, elixirs, like that. She says she's got just the thing. She jots down something on a piece of notepaper. CORDELIA At this addresòs. Cor tears off the address, holds it out, along with some cash. He doesn't take it. ANGEL You want me to go get this for you? CORDELIA Yeah. I went to my ATM, got cash. Nearly cleaned me out, but I think it's worth it. ANGEL So that you and Groo can... CORDELIA Com-Shuk like bunnies. You betcha. ANGEL Why don't you send him? CORDELIA Well, I am sending him. He kinda insists on it. But that's why I need you. ANGEL Huh? CORDELIA He doesn't know this world. And I can't send him into a demon brothel by himself. I mean, I trust him but I'm not crazy. ANGEL Brothel? CORDELIA Yeah. But you'd be safe there. No woman's gonna tempt you, right? ANGEL Right... CORDELIA Just take care of him. Bring him back to me. (holds out note) With the potion. Angel takes the address and cash. Now Groo enters. GROOSALUGG Are we ready? CORDELIA (eyes on Angel) I think so. Groosalugg has gravitated to the make-over mirror. It's been put aside on a counter. He admires hisð new look. GROOSALUGG We are most grateful for your help, Angel. You are a true friend to us both. Angel steps up beside Groo, glances down to the mirror -- ANGLE - THE REFLECTION Only Groo is there, of course. Angel doesn't exist. ON ANGEL ANGEL Yeah. EXT. CITY PARK - NIGHT Gunn circles the bench, scans the park looking for Jerry. Fred hurries over with the video camera. FRED Anything? GUNN (shakes his head no) More like a whole lotta nuthin'.. How we gonna explain this? -- Sorry, Wes, we lost the dude 'cause we were mackin' on the job. Fred stares out across the park. FRED We didn't lose him so much as... okay, we lost him. But his car's still here so he's got to be close, right? Gunn spies the long stem rose lying in the wood chips that landscape the bench area. Gunn picks it up. FRED I'm sure there's a simple explanation. GUNN The camera -- FRED Yes! The camera! Maybe he saw the camera! GUNN No, I mean -- whatever happened, we got it on tape. FRóED Right! Fred pops open the screen, she hits PLAY on the video camera. Scans it back -- IN FAST SCAN MODE: empty park, empty park, empty park -- Suddenly Jerry is standing there. FRED There he is! GUNN Push play -- She does. CLOSE - THE VIDEO CAMERA MONITOR Jerry standing there, then -- something like vines or tentacles shoots up from the ground, grabs him and yanks him underground. FRED AND GUNN Reacting to that -- FRED Well that can't be good -- Suddenly the vines shoot up, wrap around their legs and -- THE GROUND As Gunn and Fred are quickly pulled through. EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION/BROTHEL (STOCK) - NIGHT To establish. INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION/BROTHEL - HALLWAY - NIGHT Angel and Groo are led down a richly furnished hallway by ANITA, a beautiful woman in an elegant cocktail dress. Closed doors punctuate the walls on either side. A YOUNG WOMAN in a negligee walks past. Smiles. Anita glances back at Angel and Groo. ANITA So I love your outfits. ANGEL Weøll. I wouldn't call them "outfits." ANITA But you are together? Groo, proud to be with Angel, clasps an arm around Angel's shoulder. Smiles. GROOSALUGG Yes. Two champions here together. ANGEL (hedging) Not "together" together. Just get-the-potion-together. GROOSALUGG So I may Com-Shuk my Princess. Angel's a bit embarrassed by the directness of Groo's expressions. Feels the need to qualify. ANGEL Just to reiterate -- (points to himself) Not the princess. They pass an open door, Angel peeks in. At first glance it looks like it's snowing in the room. ANGEL'S POV - A COUPLE In a pillow fight on the bed. They're maybe 30, dressed for a special occasion. The pillows have ripped open and feathers fill the air above their heads. What's odd is that everything's happening in SLOW MOTION. ANITA The room's enchanted. It's their anniversary. She wanted something special for her husband. The Woman wraps her arms around her Husband and they fall back onto the bed kissing. ANITA Everythãing that happens in there; every touch, every emotion, every desire is extended for maximum pleasure. Anita sees that Angel's intrigued. ANITA I can check the schedule if there's someone special you'd like to bring. Angel doesn't respond, just watches for another beat. Anita links her arm through Groo's and they move down the hall and around a corner. Angel trails. INT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - ANITA'S DEN - CONTINUOUS Like an opium den or Turkish bordello. Silk and satin and pillows and tapestries and a BUSINESS MAN in boxer shorts, white shirt and tie, strapped spread-eagle to the wall. Groo sees the Business Man. BUSINESS MAN Hello. GROOSALUGG (to the Man) Fear not, friend. We're here to free you. Groo reaches up, loosens a strap. BUSINESS MAN Get off! Angel gently pulls Groo back. ANGEL I think he's happy there. GROOSALUGG As a slave? BUSINESS MAN Don't judge me. ANGEL (to amused Anita) Look, if we can just get that potion, we'll leave you òto your... ANITA You brought cash? Angel holds up the money. She reaches up into the air. When she lowers her arm, a SMALL PERFUME BOTTLE filled with turquoise liquid is in her hand. ANITA Make sure he tells his princess to drink it all at once. Angel nods, reaches for the bottle. Anita hangs on to it. ANITA I know why your earnest friend is here. But why are you? What's in it for you? Angel holds her gaze. Doesn't answer. His cell phone rings. GROOSALUGG Angel, your coat is singing. Angel, still focused on Anita, pulls the bottle from her grip, reaches into his jacket, gets his phone out. ANGEL Hello... What? Gunn? (straining to hear) I can barely hear you. INTERCUT WITH: INT. ROOT MONSTER LAIR - NIGHT CAMERA FINDS Fred and Gunn, entangled in grey, leathery tendrils that sort of resemble roots, but aren't wood, okay? They've somehow managed to get Gunn's cell phone between them, holding it up with their cheek-to-cheeks. GUNN Yeah, reception's not so great, is it? ø ANGEL Where are you? GUNN Under Plummer Park. ANGEL Under it? GUNN Pretty much. We were tailin' that woman's fiance -- FRED Jerry. GUNN And we kinda lost him... FRED But then we found him. Sort of. GUNN Him and his date... Some kind of a root crazy, tree-like demon-y thing... FRED With what looks like a DSL connection... In the center of the large, domed lair is a MASSIVE, TREE- LIKE DEMON, its twisted roots and gnarled branches jut into the hard, dirt walls. The Tree Monster's yellow eyes wink open. CAMERA FINDS THREE OLD COMPUTERS The monitors have different web sites on them; chat rooms. A web of vines and roots entwine the keyboards, type the keys. Oh but wait, you say -- a tree-like flesh-demon with internet access is unrealistic! It's a talking-for-god's-sakes-tree. Get over it. FRED We're pretty sure it chats up lonely hearts on line, then sucks 'em down here for food. Maybe gets its power that way. JERRY Skewered by leathery roots; a thick one apparentlây spiked straight into his chest. He's still alive, but the Monster's leathery tap root seems to be siphoning the life from him. GUNN (into phone) Monster's got a big ol' leathery joint jammed into the guy. Think it's sucking the life outta him. The Monster glances at Gunn and Fred. ANGEL Have you called Wesley yet? Gunn looks at Fred. GUNN (into phone) We were kinda hoping we wouldn't have to... ANGEL I don't understand -- FRED We didn't want to bother him with this. ANGEL Bother him? GUNN (bottom line) Nothin' against Wes, but I'm not sure he could help us out at the moment. What we really need is... The INTERCUT ENDS HERE and WE HOLD on Angel listening -- ANGEL Oh. Uh-hunh... (then) No, he's right here... (hands phone toward Groo) It's for you. Off that -- INT. SEWER TUNNELS - NIGHT STEADICAM LEADS Angel and Groo as they skulk through the tunnels. Each carries a sword. They round a corner. GROOSALUGG I am honored they requested the Groosaëlugg to save them. ANGEL I wouldn't say requested. More like included. Angel slows at an intersection, susses it out. ANGEL Here. Can you feel it? Groo pauses. Nods. GROOSALUGG Something evil. Groo starts down the tunnel. Angel grabs his arm. ANGEL Slow down, champ. We need to be careful here. GROOSALUGG You're right. Groo reaches into his pocket and pulls out the potion bottle. GROOSALUGG If anything happened to this, it would crush Cordelia. ANGEL I'm a little more concerned about our friends in there getting crushed. Groo hands the potion to Angel. GROOSALUGG You will keep this safe? Angel clearly doesn't want it. ANGEL No need. We play our cards right, everyone ends up safe. We just need to be a little... GROOSALUGG (raising his sword) Yaaaaarrrggggggggg!!! And Groo barrels past Angel into the lair. ANGEL ...patient. INT. ROOT MONSTER LAIR - CONTINUOUS - GROO Slices through a tangle of roots that block the entrance. Hurries into the ílair. FRED (we're saved) It's Groo. GUNN Over here. Groo sees the Monster. Charges. Chops through one of its fleshy roots. The Monster lets out a raspy cry. Instantly, its spiked tap root pulls out of unconscious Jerry, whips across the lair (CGI) and PIERCES Groo's chest. CLOSE - GROO Stunned. Falls to his knees as the leathery root finds nourishment in his champion heart. The sword falls from his hand. Vine-like tendrils sprout from the ground, wrap around Groo's arms, his legs, anchor him in place (CGI). Fred sees the paralyzed Groo. Looks to Gunn. FRED (to Gunn) Now who's gonna save us? Angel steps in through the entrance. Brushes a branch out of the way as the CAMERA PUSHES INTO A CU. He looks at Groo, pinned to the ground. Over to the Monster. ANGEL Oh man, you ripped my shirt. Off Angel, clearly upset: BLACK OUT. END OF ACT THREE Act Four INT. ROOT MONSTER LAIR - NIGHT Where we left off. Angel just inside the lair. Groo splayed in the center; immobilized, löike Quasimoto on the whipping block. The root, jabbed into his chest, sapping his life force. Angel slides across a far wall toward Fred and Gunn. ANGEL This thing's not actually made out of wood, is it? FRED No. It's flesh. ANGEL Good. Flesh I can deal with. Flesh I can kill. Angel picks up Groo's fallen sword, takes a step toward the monster, but pauses as -- FRED I don't think hacking it's gonna do any good. It doesn't seem to have any vital organs. ANGEL But it's alive... FRED It uses its victims like batteries. Draws its power from them. Gunn winces in pain. CU - GUNN'S CHEST As we see the roots slide a bit. Tighten their grip. GUNN (to Angel) And it's been getting stronger since it tapped into Groo. ANGEL Really? Stronger? Angel stares over at the paralyzed Groosalugg. ANGEL C'mon, he can't be that great. FRED (as if it explains it) He is the Groosalugg. Maybe his life force is super-charged. Angel glances over at the Monster. A plan forming. ANGELû (to the Monster) What do you think? Honestly? Is he better than other men? The Monster turns his attention to Angel. MONSTER He's... magnificent... ANGEL Really? I'd say more like magnificently stupid. 'Cause him with the beer tap in his chest and me with the walking around. Groo, barely conscious, looks to Angel. ANGEL (to Groo) You've got my hair, you've got my clothes. But there's a little more to me than that. He steps over next to Groo. ANGEL And I'm getting really tired of all the Groosa-worship. (a beat) Nothing personal, champ. And out-of-the-blue, Angel CLOBBERS Groo in the head. Fred watches in disbelief. ANGEL Everyone makes such a big deal. -- "Ohhh the Groosalugg, he's a champion, he's so rugged, so emotionally available..." He kicks Groo in the chest. ANGEL "...look at him out in the daylight." Well, I'm smarter and stronger and I pick out my own clothes. CLOSE - THE MONSTER Troubled by Angel's attack on Groo. ANGEL (to the Monster) And the sad part? Youô'll never know how truly amazing I am. You're not smart enough to catch me. -- You'll just have to keep sucking on this. Angel SLAMS Groo again. Groo is nearly unconscious. Gunn watches, thinking he understands. Angel raises his fist to pound again when he's slammed to the ground by the o.s. Monster. CLOSE - GROO The tap root slides out of his chest (CGI). ANGEL (relieved/to himself) About time... Angel stands back up. ANGEL Okay... Show me what you got. And the Monster does, whipping the sharp, leathery root into Angel's chest (CGI). ANGEL (winces in pain) Hell, no one's using my heart at the moment, anyway. MONSTER Kill... you... ANGEL Sorry. Already dead. CLOSE - THE MONSTER Surprise on its face. MONSTER Vampire... ANGEL Yeah. Didn't I mention that? The Monster tries to pull out of Angel, but Angel grabs the tap root with both hands. Holds it in place. MONSTER Cold... ANGEL Yeah. Kinda cold in there. -- But don't let that stop you. ANGLE - GUNN AND FRúED Struggle against the weakening roots. Gunn frees an arm. CLOSE - ANGEL Holding the tap root in place. CLOSE - THE MONSTER Realizing it's made a fatal mistake. MONSTER So... cold... GUNN (O.S.) So dead... Reveal Gunn, now free, Angel's sword in hand as he STABS it between the weakened Monster's eyes. Thick, yellow goo spills out. WIDE - THE LAIR The Monster's roots and tendrils wither and die (CGI). Gunn steps over, bends down to Angel. Helps him pull out the tap root. Angel cranes his neck toward Groo. Fred's attending to him. ANGEL How is he? FRED Pretty beat up. But alive. Off Angel, hand pressed against the wound in his chest: INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - WESLEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT Wesley on the phone. WESLEY Yes, Miss Frakes. We are too. You're welcome. Goodbye. Wes hangs up the phone. Gunn and Fred are standing across from his desk, filthy but alive. WESLEY Well, Miss Frakes is very happy. You saved her fiance's life. FRED So he's gonna be okay? WESLEY Yes. GUNN Thaût's good. WESLEY Yes. (beat) Well. Good work. You should probably get cleaned up, then. FRED Yeah. Good idea. They start to go, Wesley stops them -- WESLEY Oh, Charles, a word? Gunn and Fred look at each other. A little self conscious here in front of Wesley. FRED Well. Good night. GUNN 'night. This is when they would kiss. Of course they don't. Wobbly moment of wanting to, then she goes. Gunn looks back at Wes. GUNN What is it? WESLEY When you realized this was more than just a tryst, you should have let me know. GUNN It happened so fast -- thing just grabbed the guy and he was gone. WESLEY That's not what I meant. GUNN Oh. You mean... (but now that you mention it...) Well I'm not sure that's any of your business. WESLEY No. You're probably right. Still, she could get hurt. I trust that won't happen. GUNN What are you, her brother? WESLEY Apparently. A beat as Gunn lets that sink in. Oh, shit. GUNN Oh, man. Wes -- I didn't mean... WESLEY She chose. Thþat's all. It's just important to me she's taken care of. GUNN She will be. WESLEY Good. Wesley looks back to his work, indicating that this discussion is over. Gunn hovers for a beat, then turns and goes, not feeling at all like the winner at the moment. INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - LOBBY - NIGHT CLOSE - ANGEL'S SHIRT being ripped open by Cordelia. CLOSE - ANGEL'S FACE, wincing in pain. ANGEL Ow. Cor turns from Groo, who she's patching up. It was Angel's shirt, but the one Groo's wearing. CORDELIA (to Angel) Sorry. ANGEL It's okay. It was already ruined. CORDELIA If it's any consolation, I planned to rip it off him later, anyway. You did get the potion, right? ANGEL Yeah. We got it. CORDELIA (tending the wounds.) Well, this isn't so bad. You heal almost as fast as he does. He reaches out, gently takes her by the arm. Concern on his face. She looks at him. GROOSALUGG Princess. I have a confession. ANGEL (shakes his head "no") Groo -- CORDELIA Confession? What confession? Di‚d something happen at the brothel? (to Angel) You were supposed to look after him. ANGEL Nothing happened. Except... your boyfriend here was very brave. He saved the day. CORDELIA You did? Ya big hero! GROOSALUGG What? No. I was reckless. I put everyone in great peril. Angel is the true champion. A beat as she absorbs this, her reaction a bit unreadable. CORDELIA (to Angel) Did you hear that? ANGEL Yeah, but... CORDELIA How many guys would give away the credit like that? That is just so noble. (aside to Angel) The potion? Angel hands it to her. She looks at Groo -- a private smile promising things to, er, come. CORDELIA Let's get out of here. He grins. Hops up. They start for the door. CORDELIA See ya. ANGEL Cordelia? She turns back. He just looks at her. Says nothing. A beat. She moves to him, impatient to go. CORDELIA What? His hand moves to 1/2hers... he's putting something in it. A wad of cash. CORDELIA What's this? ANGEL Just some money I've saved up. CORDELIA (looks at it) Why? What for? ANGEL I did something for you tonight... now I need you to do something for me. (then) Don't come in tomorrow. In fact, don't come in for a couple of weeks. Take Groo and go someplace nice. Someplace where there's a lot of sun. You'd like that. CORDELIA Angel -- ANGEL Will you promise? She's not consciously sure what it all means, but goes off his tone. She nods. CORDELIA Okay. Starts to go, turns back. Puts her hand gently to his own torn shirt. A hole where the heart is. CORDELIA You sure you don't need a little patching yourself? ANGEL I'm good. Didn't hurt a bit. A silent moment between them. Then she turns and she and Groo go. Angel stands there alone for a beat. Now Wesley emerges from his office. They meet eyes for a beat. Then Angel turns and goes. Off ºWesley, concerned... INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - ANGEL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT Angel enters the room. The Host is just putting Connor down. Angel moves to him. ANGEL Thanks for looking after him. HOST Sure. (sensing it) You okay? Angel's attention is drawn to -- CONNOR Looking up at daddy, his little arms outstretched. ANGEL Yeah... And he means it. The Host quietly slips out. INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - WESLEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT Wesley sits at his desk. His translation work before him. Troubled. ANGEL (O.S.) Working late? Wesley starts. Angel is at the doorway, holding Connor. WESLEY Yes. You startled me. ANGEL We didn't mean to. WESLEY I thought I was alone. ANGEL (gazing at Connor) Yeah. So did I. Angel picks up one of Connor's toys that he left here earlier. Moves off with his son. Wesley sits there. Looking after him for a moment. CAMERA FINDS his notes... ..."The father will kill the son." BLACK OUT. THE END