There's No Place Like Pltz Grb April 5, 2001 (Pink) Written by: David Greenwalt Teaser EXT. C.G.I. CASTLE ON THE HILL - NIGHT CORDELIA (O.S.) Oh no... no ... INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - NIGHT CAMERA ARCS around HOST'S DEAD HEAD on silver platter. CORDY stands there looking at the grisly thing, completely bereft, falling apart: CORDELIA ...oh god, please forgive me... this is my fault, 'cause I pardoned you and they... they wanted to teach me a lesson... I'm so sorry... this is a terrible place, you didn't do anything wrong. She reaches out to touch Host's cheek -- can't do it. CORDELIA (cont'd) You didn't do anything... . (sobs; then, tiny:) I don't like it here anymore... I want to go home ... HOST'S HEAD - HIS EYES POP OPEN HOST'S HEAD Oh honey, I'm right there with you. CORDELIA Muhhhraawwwwwww!!! Cor screams -- and leaps back about ten feet, falling out of frame. END OF TEASER Act One INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - NIGHT As before. CAMERA BARRELS AT COR: CORDELIA BAHHüHHHHHH!!!! HOST'S HEAD I realize this is a bit of a shock but I can explain... take it easy, it's kinda wacky I know... okay, get it out of your system... good, that's good... you'll have to breathe some time -- GOOD LORD, SHUT UP WOMAN!! It's not like I have hands to cover my ears here, ya' know. Cor takes a breath. CORDELIA You're -- it's -- the -- guhhhh -- HOST'S HEAD I know, so just please listen: my people, the fun loving Deathwok Clan, you cut off our heads, we just keep on la tickin' until you mutilate our bodies -- obviously they haven't gotten to my body yet, probably a back-log in the mutilation chamber, so if we move quickly and quietly -- The doors are flung open, TWO SLAVES enter. Host's eyes close, he plays dead. SLAVE ONE is strong and brave. SLAVE ONE Most Sacred Princess, are you troubled? We heard a fearful shrieking. CORDELIA Oh, the shrieking... yes, the -- it's a Royal Meditation I do to help me focus on the great affairs of state I must manage. She takeüs a deep, thoughtful breath and SHRIEKS! CORDELIA (cont'd) ... clears out all the pent up, uh... where I come from we call it meckflookenbahhhggg, you wouldn't understand. SLAVE ONE Ahhh, sexual sorrow. CORDELIA What are the odds. SLAVE ONE Kaldar, remove the traitor's filthy head from our Lady's august presence. KALDAR starts wheeling head out. CORDELIA No, no, I like the filthy head-- that is, I need to defile it more. (spits on head) I will keep it to spit upon and when I tire of that I will make it into a planter -- a traitor planter for all to see! (off their looks) Or maybe a candy dish. You may leave me. SLAVE ONE As you wish, Noble Mistress. Slaves exit. Cor grabs a cloth, wipes Host's face. CORDELIA Sorry 'bout the spittle... I had to think fast, this is all pretty unsettling for me. HOST'S HEAD Oh I'm sure it must be, and after all I only LOST MY HEAD! Or, technically, my body. CORDELIA I realize this is a trying experience, but I don't see how yelling at me is goiýng to help matters. HOST'S HEAD Just put me in a bag and take me to the mutilation chamber. CORDELIA First off, large palace, I have no idea where the mutilation chamber might be. HOST'S HEAD Ahh. So I guess I'll just sit here and die then. FIND SOMEONE WHO KNOWS! CORDELIA Again with the yelling -- what we have to do is find someone we can trust. HOST'S HEAD In this world? INT. CASTLE - RELICS ROOM - NIGHT CLOSE - SILAS - looking anything but trustworthy. SILAS In what temper did you find her? WIDER - Other priests, including PRIEST ONE, a few soldiers and their CAPTAIN, two slaves, one pouring wine into goblets, the other, SLAVE ONE, stands humbly near SILAS. SLAVE ONE She appeared grievously distressed, Master. SILAS Good. We will add more heads to her collection that she might never forget who is the Master here and who the servant. (to Captain) Her two friends who escaped in the waste canal, send a hunting party south into the woods after them. CAPTAIN Yes Lord. SILAS þAs for the one they call Angel, you know what he is? CAPTAIN He is the animal who tore apart two of my soldiers. PRIEST ONE He is a Van-tal, a drinker of blood - he can only be killed by fire, decapitation or a wooden spear through the heart. SILAS Perhaps all three, just to be thorough. Take a tracker beast to the woods where he killed your men, hunt him down. CAPTAIN It shall be done my Lord. I will personally bury my spear in his rump. (turns to go) SILAS Captain. (Captain stops) His heart is where a cow's is, here. (touches his chest) CAPTAIN Oh. Disgusting. The Captain bows and exits with soldiers. PRIEST ONE This Angel-Beast spared a runaway slave her rightful beheading -- he ignores our laws and profanes our Holy Culture. SILAS He does worse than that. He brings hope to the cows. Silas glances at the Slaves who both quickly avert their eyes and make themselves busy cleaning up. SILAS (cont'd) For if one can be saved, hope arises that all can be saved. (to Slave One) Isn'tÿ that right, Markallo? SLAVE ONE Lord, as it was ordained in the Beginning, our lives belong to you. SILAS They do, yet we live in a time where runaways become rebels, portals to other worlds open where the Holy Clergy have not decreed them... even slaves supposedly loyal to me give the enemy drawings of our sacred devices. Slaves look really scared now. SLAVE ONE It is not true, Master. SILAS Don't be alarmed, Markallo, you did me a favor, the cows need to know what we can do to them ... Silas removes a small, low tech device from his robe, studies it calmly, points it at Markallo. SILAS (cont'd) ... any time we choose. CAMERA RUSHES at a TERRIFIED MARKALLO. Silas presses the device -- Markallo's HEAD EXPLODES. SILAS (cont'd) (to other slave) Please clean that up. Silas moves to the altar, pulls back a curtain, revealing a CONSOLE-DEVICE next to the holy books and relics. It is a low tech thing with wires and cables and jewels. In the middle, a bejeweled outline of a hand. SILýAS (cont'd) "And if one of thy slaves offends thee, thou shalt smite him down.. Silas glances at small, low tech device, puts it in robe. SILAS (cont'd) ... and if all thy slaves offend thee, thou shalt smite them down, too, even unto every last one in the land." Silas holds his hand a few inches above the "hand-print" on the Slave Killer Console. SILAS (cont'd) So it is written. So it shall be. PRIEST ONE I beg forgiveness for my ignorance, Lord, where is that written again? Silas shoves parchment and quill at the Priest. SILAS Take this down ... Priest One quickly dips quill in ink, starts writing. EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - STOCK? - SUNRISE SILAS (O.S.) For as it was written ... EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - REBEL CAMP - DAY WESLEY and GUNN are on their knees next to each other, hands bound behind them, heads locked firmly in beheading stocks. SILAS (O.S.) All who rebel shall be put to death... Two rebels hold axes, ready to cut their heads off. REBEL LEADER presides, REBEL #1 is nearby.ý REBEL LEADER For the crime of collaboration, you are sentenced to death. WESLEY No! We're not collaborators, we're not even from around here -- REBEL #1 On my count of three ... Wes cranes his head sideways towards Gunn. WESLEY Forgive me Gunn, I should never have opened my mouth. GUNN I've got a plan. WESLEY Oh thank God! What is it? REBEL #1 One... GUNN We die horribly and painfully, you go to hell and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus. WESLEY Oh. REBEL #1 TwoÉ Wes and Gunn hold their breaths as the axes are raised. REBEL #1 (cont'd) Three! And the first executioner takes an arrow in his chest, falling back as the SOUND OF HOOFBEATS distracts the rebels. REBEL LEADER Imperial Guards! TWO SOLDIERS on HORSEBACK, or a couple of Chariots, roar in, followed by six more soldiers on foot. REBEL LEADER (cont'd) Take arms! Mind the flanks! The rebels run to meet the attacking soldiers. Gunn and Wes are able to stand up (stocks still clamped to their necks). WESLEYÂ This is our chance to escape! One of the lead soldiers on horseback spots Wes and Gunn. LEAD SOLDIER There they are! Death to the otherworlders! We HEAR from the other soldiers: "Death to the otherworlders!" The soldiers all swarm towards Gunn and Wes. GUNN Really had about enough of this world. Gunn swings his stocks around, braining a couple of soldiers -- Wes gets knocked out of frame. As Rebel Leader raises his sword to fight, INT. FRED'S CAVE - DAY Angel lies on some animal skins, his eyes open, worried about that whole beast thing. FOOTSTEPS, he looks at -- THE CAVE ENTRANCE -- as FRED enters, carrying some berries. FRED ... I found Kalla berries, they sweeten the oatmeal ... She glances at him, sees the state he's in, moves to a small fire where a wooden bowl of what looks like oatmeal cooks. She mixes in berries, ladles out two small bowls under: FRED (cont'd) ... well, I call it oatmeal, it's actually Crug-grain and thißstle but with enough Kalla berries... (re: animal skins) I hope the skins were comfortable, I seem to remember when there were beds... you could sleep for hours at a time... ANGEL It was fine, I slept ... FRED (skeptical) Hmmmm. ANGEL What? Did I snore? FRED Um, I don't remember any snoring. ANGEL Good. FRED I remember caterwauling -- (she SCREECHES!) -- and screaming; oh and moaning, lots of moaning; you must be all drained out. ANGEL Sorry. FRED I don't mind. Sometimes it just burbles up inside you and you have to (makes weird face) brwww... bellow a little... do it do it all the time; no one's ever around to hear me... She hands him one of the bowls, a little wooden spoon in it. FRED (cont'd) You'll get better with a little rest and care. ANGEL I don't think so. FRED Why wouldn't ya'? ANGEL You saw what I turn into. Back in L.A. it's bad, but here it's... it wants to kill everything and everyone, even my friends ... Beat. FRED I hadda Unclêe who used to drink himself silly every night of the week -- we all got our demons. ANGEL Did he get over his? FRED (beat) He drove his Ranchero into a sinkhole and drowned but that was a real poor example, man was dumber than paint... okay, maybe you got some beast in you, I know what it is to be squirrely and a freak with no one else to... She eats her cereal. He takes a bite. FRED (cont'd) Does it taste like oatmeal, I forget how things are s'posed to taste ... ANGEL It's good. FRED (blurts: ) TACOS! ! (he jumps a little) Sorry, didn't mean to holler at ya'. I love tacos. Do they still have tacos? You know, back... ? She looks at wall of drawings and formulas. ANGEL Home? (smiles) Yes. They didn't outlaw tacos. FRED Of course they didn't. No. (beat) I've been trying to make an enchilada out of tree bark ... They eat their Crug-grain. ANGEL Bark enchilada? How's that going? FRED There's work to be done. INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - DAY A SERVING WENCH iñn a long, not terribly clean serving wench's dress (with hood pulled back), kneels before Cor, her head bowed. Host's head plays dead on the tray. SERVING WENCH What may thy lowly serving wench do for thee, M'Lady. CORDELIA You're not lowly. Please, get up, get up... (helps her up) ... you're just like me. SERVING WENCH Like you, the Light That Shines in Darkness Upon Our Land? CORDELIA Sure -- is that really what they call me? Anyway, you have served me long and loyally these last two and a half... days, I'm very fond of you, Lamara. SERVING WENCH Marelda. CORDELIA I knew that. SERVING WENCH Of course you did, Exalted One, you know all. Please cut the tongue out of my worthless skull! CORDELIA No! No cutting! What is it with you people and mutilation? SERVING WENCH We don't have a lot of entertainment, M'um. CORDELIA Can you keep a secret, Geraldo? (Wench nods) I want you to take me to the Mutilation chamber. SERVING WENCH This can not be done, Majesty. CORDELIA Whøy not? SERVING WENCH If anyone saw you, it would bring shame on the kingdom .. you can not defile your Holy Self by entering such a place. Cor drums her fingers on something, thinking... CORDELIA Light That Shines In Darkness, huh? (beat) Okay, I want you to take off your clothes. Serving Wench hesitates only a moment before starting to remove her dress. CAMERA PUSHES PAST Cor to Host's head. Host opens one eye, then the other. Whatever Cor's up to, this could be interesting. Cor turns, sees this, steps in front of him, blotting out his view as -- INT. FRED'S CAVE - DAY Angel paces in the cave, occasionally glancing at Fred's drawings and formulas on the wall. Fred mends some of her clothes or the skins, watching him from time to time. Angel crosses a patch of sunlight; puts his hand out, turns it over in the sun; then holds his head up in it, eyes closed. ANGEL Can't do this in L.A. FRED Why not? ANGEL I'll burst into flames. (off her look) Part of the beast thing. FRED So it'Ðs better for you here. Fred glances at him, looks down at her mending. ANGEL Well, there's the sun... there's also the thing inside that wants to rip my friends apart. Beat. He moves to wall drawings. ANGEL (cont'd) Krv... DrpglrÉ I know these words, these are the words we used to open the portals... Strplmt. FRED They're not words. They're consonant representations of a mathematical transfiguration formula. ANGEL (huh?) Well obviously ... FRED I used to think if you said them out loud and in the right order, the quaking and quivering would ... ANGEL Huh? Oh, you mean opening a portal. Well that's how we got here. And that's how we'll get back. FRED No. I tried for years and years, till my tongue was swollen and my head was all kaplooey. It doesn't work on this side. ANGEL But it does -- a Drokken and one of those green warriors got to L.A. from here. Someone had to open portals for them on this end. (beat) Maybe you did but you ãjust don't know where. FRED Me? I don't think so, the Priests have all the power here -- She is hit hard from the side by the first of the three attacking Soldiers (helmeted) and the Captain (no helmet). Angel pulls Soldier #1 off her and hurls him into Soldier #2. He ducks Soldier #3 and fights the formidable Captain swinging a blunt ax in one hand, wooden spear in the other. Angel dodges a thrust of the spear and then uses its momentum to skewer Soldier #1. He knocks Soldiers #2 and #3's metal helmeted heads together, sending them down as Captain clubs him good and hard with the ax. Captain clubs Angel again and again. Fred screams. Angel is hurled against a wall. CLOSE - HIS EYES START TO GLOW RED Angel fights off his urge to MORPH to BEAST, his eyes go "normal", he pushes off the wall to fight and, because he's not going all the way with pure beast killerness, gets the spear through his chest. Angel staggers back and falls. Captain stands over him. CAPTAIN Missed tÙhe heart, did I, vile beast? (pulls out spear) I'll keep trying. Captain once again sinks the spear into Angel's chest. END OF ACT ONE Act Two INT. FRED'S CAVE - DAY As before. Captain removes spear from Angel's chest, raises it to stab again -- Fred, a basketball size boulder in hand, WHACKS him on the head. Captain goes down and out. Fred rushes to Angel who has been stabbed three or four times in the chest and is in bad shape. FRED Don't die... please don't die. She grabs cloths to stop the bleeding. ANGEL (weak) I'm not gonna... you wouldn't believe how often this happens... I get skewered all the time, really -- He passes out., Fred gives a little cry, attending to him. EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - REBEL CAMP - DAY A WOUNDED SOLDIER gallops past CAMERA, escaping on his horse. REBEL # 1 hurls an ax right past us. O.S. we HEAR a SCREAM and the sound of the SOLDIER falling from his horse. ANGLE - THE CAMP Several slain soldiers lie in the dirt -- along withä (fewer) slain rebels and the REBEL LEADER, DEAD, an Imperial short sword in his chest. Wes and Gunn, still in stocks and bonds glance around at the carnage -- and the rebels closing in on them. Rebel #1 pulls the sword from Leader's chest, turns to Wes and Gunn. REBEL #1 They did not come for us, they came for you, the other-worlders. Why? WESLEY Because they know we will try and rescue the Princess. REBEL #1 Rescue her from what? WESLEY From mating with the Groosalugg. REBEL #2 Which will fulfill their prophecies and consolidate their power. GUNN We don't want that to happen anymore than you do. Rebel #1 moves to Gunn -- tense moment, then he cuts Gunn's and Wes's bonds and frees them from their stocks. REBEL #1 You are right, we are on the same side. (to rebels) Though their hands were tied and their necks were bared, they fought with us. They are comrades in arms. (to Wes and Gunn) You are free to go. I am ashamed we nearly cut your heads off. WESLEY Well...î you were just doing your job... I'm sorry about your leader. Rebel # 1 nods. REBEL # 2 It's what happens in war. Good luck. WESLEY You, too. Rebels move to dead leader. Wes and Gunn start walking away. Rebel #1 turns back: REBEL #1 Five cheers for the other-worlders. WESLEY Oooo, in this world you get five. REBELS IN B.G. CHEER: "BRAVE WARRIORS! BRAVE WARRIORS!, etc." GUNN So our first job is to find Angel. WESLEY Yes. GUNN Last time we saw him, he had a funny look on his face -- a rip out your guts now ask questions later kinda look. Gunn touches his wounded side. Wes hesitates. WESLEY What do you suggest? GUNN I'm thinkin' these guys... (indicates rebels) ... got a cause worth fighting for. Isn't that what we do? WESLEY What about Cordelia? GUNN If we're going to be gettin' her out of that castle we're gonna need a whole lot of muscle. WESLEY Muscle which could come in handy if we have to incapacitate Angel. GUNN Yeah. Also look at 'em. THEIR POV -õ The rag tag group of rebels stand over their fallen leader; Rebel #1 and a few others starting to dig a grave. Off them, GUNN (cont'd) They won a skirmish today, but they're no match for the Covenant. I don't want to leave 'em to get themselves killed... I do that enough. Off them, INT. FRED'S CAVE - DAY Angel lies on the skins; Fred dresses his wounds with herb poultices and such. Angel's eyes flutter open. FRED Oh, there you are, good ... ANGEL Hi. FRED You heal fast. ANGEL One of the pluses of being a beast. FRED But you're not -- when you were fighting this time, you didn't change. ANGEL I was just afraid. FRED Of what? ANGEL That if I did I'd never get back. FRED (wipes his brow) You're not a beast. Beat. Then LAUGHTER from behind them. Angel looks over. Captain, well bound, hands tied behind him, lies on his side. CAPTAIN We'll write that on your bones after he tears you to pieces. FRED (pleasantly) I'll just roll him over the cliff into the Drokken gully liøke I did the others. She moves towards Captain. ANGEL Wait -- Angel painfully gets up, moves to Captain. ANGEL (cont'd) I need to talk to him. Angel roughly sits the bound Captain up against the wall. ANGEL (cont'd) What can you tell me of the Princess? CAPTAIN The filthy cow-bitch that brought you into our world? Beat. Angel leans in, speaks softly: ANGEL Call her that again, I will remove your face. Slowly. CAPTAIN (beat) Once the Groosalugg mates with her she will be put to death -- like we already did with the traitor Krevlornswath. ANGEL You killed Lorne? CAPTAIN We cut his head off and mutilated his body. Angel grabs Captain viciously, thinks better of it, drops him, moves towards the cave entrance. Fred follows. ANGEL I have to go. FRED It's too dangerous, they'll kill you. ANGEL My friends are in trouble, one of them is already dead. FRED But it's safe here, out there it'sÉ it's safe here with me. He looks at her for a beat. ANGEL I'm sorry. ANGLE - CúAPTAIN, SLIPS A KNIFE OUT OF HIS BOOT FRED They'll kill you and you'll turn into that beast -- maybe not exactly in that order. ANGEL I have to help my friends. FRED But the beast, I know you don't want them to see you that way ... Beat. Angel looks away, ashamed. FRED (cont'd) I'm not afraid of it like everyone else -- Angel suddenly yells -- not unlike a beast -- Fred screams as he shoves her aside, revealing the Captain, untied, slashing down with his knife -- cutting Fred's shoulder. Angel grapples with the Captain and in short order sinks the Captain's own knife into the Captain's own stomach. A beat. Captain falls, dead. Angel rushes to Fred, bleeding on the ground. CAMERA RUSHES PAST SOME ROCK, MATCHING CUT: INT. CASTLE - MUTILATION ROOM - DAY Dark and scary all right. Large wooden door creaks open, a serving wench, her hood up, enters, carrying a wooden bucket. From the hall she hears GUARD'S O.S. VOICE: "What are you doin' there, wench?" CORDELIA Fillin' my slop bucket... (re:ä bucket) ... want a whiff? Guard's footsteps move off, we HEAR GUARD'S O.S. "Stupid cow" as Cor shoves the door closed, pulls off her hood, looks around, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. CORDELIA It's pretty dark in here, lemme just get used to -- HER POV - Assorted body parts tastefully stacked along with bloody chopping tools in one corner of the room. CORDELIA (cont'd) -- oh yuck! Freaked, she jumps back, dropping the bucket. ANGLE - BUCKET HITS FLOOR, HOST'S HEAD rolls out. We HEAR: HOSTIS HEAD Ooof! Hey! CORDELIA Sorry, sorry -- these people are ca-razy. She picks up his head -- averting her own eyes, she moves it in a semi-circle in front of her. CORDELIA (cont'd) See anything familiar? HOST'S HEAD Get me closer. (she does) Oh god. OH NO! CORDELIA What? She follows his gaze...to a severed arm and half a to a severed arm and half a leg both still wearing parts of a very distinctive red suit. CORDELIA (cont'd) Boy that looks a lot like your suïit. HOST'S HEAD It is my suit, you think they have French Viscose in this hell hole? Why am I still alive? Once they chop you up, it's over. (sniffles) I'm looking at pieces of myself, it's over... Wait a minute, since when do I have five toes? Beat, then they HEAR A NOISE. CORDELIA Shhhh... someone's coming. Cordy backs into the dark, Host's Head in hand. Door scrapes open, dark figure enters, shuts door. Cor looks around for a weapon. Nothing. Holds Host's ear up to her mouth, whispers: CORDELIA (cont'd) Do you mind if I hit him over the head with you? HOST'S HEAD (whispers:) Yes. DARK FIGURE Your Highness..? Dark Figure steps into the light: it's Groosalugg. CORDELIA Groo! It's you. GROOSALUGG I've done a terrible thing, I've betrayed my vows... But he was your friend, I could not stand to see you suffer. CORDELIA What terrible thing? GROOSALUGG I stole his body and put his strange garments on these parts to fool them. CORDELIA You did all this for me? Gñroosalugg nods. CORDELIA (cont'd) That's not terrible, that's wonderful! And she hurls herself into his arms. Host's head hits a couple of things en route and ends up pressed somewhere in the vicinity of Groosalugg's backside. ANGLE - HOST'S HEAD ABOVE GROO'S BACKSIDE. HOST'S HEAD Feels like somebody works out. Cor disengages from her embrace, holds up Host's Head. HOST'S HEAD (cont'd) Hi. And thank you from the bottom of my neck on down. So where's the rest of me? GROOSALUGG I had your body smuggled to your mother's farm. Your cousin Landok is to meet us at the Eastern Watchtower. He will transport you home. CORDELIA Well this is great. Man's an honest to God hero. I'd make a proclamation except they tend to cut heads off when I do. HOST'S HEAD So my body's at Mom's. Did she mention anything about the maggot heap out back? It'd be just like her to store me on the maggot heap ... EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - REBEL CAMP - DAY We see the rebels finishing their Leader's gravòe, putting something of his on top of it. PAN to Wes and Gunn in f.g. GUNN Look, it's up to you what we do next, try and get the rebels to join us or go off alone. You're the decisionmaker here. WESLEY Thank you. I think we should... then again it might be better if we... on the other hand -- Gunn sighs as voices are raised in b.g. Wes looks over: REBEL # 2 You still want to storm the castle gates? REBEL # 1 Yes! We have to show them! REBEL # 2 Bartok, they outnumber us thirty to one. They'll kill us all. REBEL # 1 They're killing us all now. General rumblings amongst the rebels, split in two camps. REBEL # 1 (cont'd) We have to do something, before the Groosalugg mates with the Princess. REBEL # 2 We can't defeat them, look at us! They have the power, they have the wealth. We have no plan. REBEL # 1 I say storm the gates. Some rebels shout: "storm the gates." Wes and Gunn have moved to the edge of this discussion. WESLEY (O.S.) If you do, they'll cut you down... yoõu can not wage a frontal attack against a stronger opponent. This kind of battle can only be won through Guerilla warfare. Rebels stare at him blankly. WESLEY By being sneaky. You create a diversion, then strike at several different points at once. They never know how many or how few you are. While they're looking in front, you come from behind. REBEL #1 (getting it) And kill their leader. WESLEY Yes. REBEL #2 Silas. The Head Priest. It is a good plan. REBEL #1 I agree. (to Wes) You shall lead us. WESLEY Me? No, I'm just suggesting how you -- REBEL #2 You fought well, the Covenant hates you, you know the Princess -- REBEL #1 -- and you have a plan. Besides, our leader's dead. HAIL TO OUR NEW LEADER! The Rebels "HAIL TO OUR NEW LEADER". Wesley turns to Gunn. WESLEY Why do people keep putting me in charge of things? GUNN I have no idea. INT. FRED'S CAVE - DAY Angel finishes wrapping Fred's wounded arm in a make-shift sling (which she should carry from now on.) Dea÷d Captain, having been rolled into Drokken gully, is no longer there. ANGEL How's it feel? FRED All right. ANGEL It's best if you don't move it for a while. Well, I better ... He glances at cave exit. FRED Help your friends. I know. You're a good man. She picks up a sword dropped by one of the soldiers. FRED (cont'd) It was nice having a friend for a little while. He takes sword, goes. She stands there alone. FRED (cont'd) I'm sorry you'll die and I'll never see you again. Then, with her good arm, she gathers up the cereal bowls, moves to the pond to wash them out. We HOLD her sad expression, once again she is all alone in the world. She dips one of the bowls in the water. A shadow appears over it. She swings around. Angel stands there. ANGEL I don't actually know how to get there. FRED (simply:) Oh, I can show you. She gets up and they walk out of the cave together. END OF ACT TWO Act Three EXT. C.G.I. CASTLE ON THE HILL - DAY INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - DAY Cor aônd Groosalugg. He's upset. GROOSALUGG I disobeyed the Covenant. I will spend Eternity burning in Tarkna for my sin ... CORDELIA Oh who believes in a literal Tarkna nowadays. GROOSALUGG It was worth it for one moment of your intimate touch. CORDELIA That was an accident, it was kinda dark in the mutilation chamber and-- oh you mean the hug, when I hugged you. That was nice. She looks at him sweetly, then: CORDELIA (cont'd) Where were we? Oh yeah, these nut cake clergy guys, somebody's gotta disobey 'em. They're evil. They run an evil regime. GROOSALUGG It is not my duty to question authority. CORDELIA Well hold on now, you're the Groosalugg, the brave and undefeated Champion. If fighting evil isn't your duty, I don't know what is. GROOSALUGG I fight who I'm told. I'm not a real Champion. CORDELIA Then maybe it's time you stopped working for monk-boy and became one. And what you did for me and my friend? That was pure whiz bang Champ all the way. GROOSALUGG (beat) úI am unworthy of lifting your burden, Highness. CORDELIA Nonsense. You're way worthy -- what burden is that again? GROOSALUGG When you receive me, on the night we are wed. CORDELIA Receive..? Oh, receive, when I, and you... on the wedding night ... I imagine there'll be some burden lifting on both sides. Not that I have a lot of experience or anything. GROOSALUGG It was foretold in the ancient prophecies, one will come who is cursed with the visions; she shall mate with the Groosalugg whose demon blood shall absorb them. CORDELIA Absorb them? GROOSALUGG Your visions will pass to me. CORDELIA I knew there had to be a catch! You can't take my visions, I need them, I use them to help my friends fight evil back home. GROOSALUGG And I will use them to fight evil here, just as you have done. CORDELIA Groo... I can't give up my visions. I like them. Okay I don't like the searing pain and agony which seems to be getting steadily worse. And lately, until the vision gets solved: aûnxiety overdrive. GROOSALUGG You are pure human, you are not meant to carry such a burden. CORDELIA Maybe not, but I'm not ready to give 'em up, either. They're a part of who I am now. They're an honor. And you know they only last for -- GWAAAGGGGGG! You guessed it, she is walloped with a MOTHER of all visions. VISION CAM -- Tight and scary, a dreadful beast attacks Groo. BACK TO SCENE - Groo catches Cor in his arms. She looks up at him, having seen what will happen to him. CORDELIA (cont'd) No... no... EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - REBEL CAMP - DAY Wes, Gunn, Rebels. Wes is gathering intelligence and hatching a plan. They're studying pen and parchment drawings of the castle perimeter. WESLEY The Groosalugg is our most formidable opponent, we have to get him out of the castle. (to Rebel #1) If challenged to a fight, he must accept? REBEL #1 Yes, as Champion of the realm, he cannot refuse. But no man can defeat the Groosalugg. WESLEY We'll worry about defeating him later, our first step iýs to get him out of there. Once he's out we create diversions... (re: drawing) Here, here and here. Then a few of us will scale the back wall here, where their defenses are weakest. GUNN I wouldn't split my crew up that much if I was leading this charge. Wes looks at Gunn matter of factly: WESLEY I'm leading this charge. (to Rebel #1) Tell me about the killing device. Rebel #1 unfolds a sketch (ink on parchment) of the "Slave Killer Console" we saw in the Relics Room. REBEL #1 It sends a signal to the collar on every slave in the land. GUNN What kind of signal? REBEL #2 It blows their heads off. WESLEY If Silas thinks he's losing, he'll use it. We have to get to him before he does. REBEL #1 The castle is well guarded -- ANGEL (O.S.) Unlike this place. Angel and Fred walk out from behind a tree -- rebels spring to their feet, one of them leaps out of the very tree Angel just walked under. WESLEY It's all right, he's a friend. REBEL #1 (to Tree Guy) Glad we were keeping watch. þ GUNN He's Angel, he does that -- (re: Fred) -- how'd she do that? ANGEL She's Fred, she does that, too. WESLEY Fred... Winifred, the girl from Cordy's vision. REBEL #1 (to Rebel #2) Check the perimeters. Rebel #2 moves off with 2 rebels. Rebel #1 moves to others. REBEL #1 (cont'd) Check the East Grove, the river... ANGEL These are my friends, Wesley and Gunn. FRED Hi ya'. WESLEY And those are the rebels, we've joined-forces. GUNN They made Wes their General. WESLEY But you're here now, if you want to... I mean you might do a better job of -- ANGEL No Wes, I can't, you know what happens to me... I'm sorry about... (to Gunn) I'm ashamed for what I did to you. GUNN It's kind of a crazy place here. The sooner we all get out the better. ANGEL I think Fred can help us with that. She knows a lot about the portals. FRED Not a lot ... the trionic speechcraft formulation/modification has to alter the dynamic reality sphere-- Lutzbalm predicted it at Zurig in '89 -- laughed him ofüf the stage -although this slavery and degradation's no laughing matter.. (laughs) ... it's no Crug-grain and Kalla berry breakfast all right. Wes and Gunn share a look. ANGEL She's been here a while ... Is it true Cordy's supposed to mate with some kind of creature? (Wes and Gunn nod) That seems to happen to her a lot. (Wes and Gunn nod) We have to stop it. WESLEY We will. ANGEL Guys, I have some bad news about the Host -- They are interrupted by a commotion on the other side of camp. LANDOK, carrying two rebels by the scruff of the neck in one hand, a basket in the other, enters camp. REBEL #2 We captured this Warrior of the Deathwok Clan. Landok hurls Rebel #2 and other rebel to the ground. ANGEL Landok! Fred sees Landok, tries to hide behind Angel. LANDOK Angel the Drokken Killer. I will not battle you for saving the slave girl's neck. ANGEL Good. LANDOK It is forbidden to fight while performing a sacred duty. I was transporting my kinsman home when these fools tried ùto stop me. Angel turns to Wes and Gunn. ANGEL I was trying to tell you -- they cut off the Host's head. WESLEY What? GUNN No... LANDOK Yes, I have it right here. Landok moves to them, opens the basket so they can see the Host's Head inside (playing dead of course.) ANGEL, GUNN & WES - Look down at the grisly sight. Fighting their emotions, men of few words. ANGEL He wasÉ GUNN YeahÉ WESLEY MmmÉ Angel reaches out to close the basket. HOST'S EYES POP OPEN. HOST'S HEAD That's it? Where's the praising and extolling of my virtues? Where's the love? Wes, Gunn and Angel scream bloody murder and jump out of their skins. EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - REBEL CAMP - NIGHT Angel, Gunn, Fred, Landok, Rebels (1 and 2 and others) are gathered around a fire. Host's head sits atop a small tree stump. The idea here is to make head and stump look (in silhouette) like R2D2 from Star Wars. On the other side of the fire, Wes is alone with the plans. The others wait and watch respectfully. Gunn moves toú Wes. GUNN I'm only gonna say this once. The guys you send to create the diversions here and here... (hits map) ... are going to die. WESLEY Yes they are. Gunn's a little taken back by that. WESLEY (cont'd) You try not to get anybody killed, you wind up getting everybody killed. Wes stands, addresses the group. WESLEY (cont'd) Get ready to move out. The men spring up, gather weapons, etc. Landok leaps up. LANDOK Were it not for my sacred duty to my kinsman, I would join you! On my blood oath, I would join you! Landok unsheathes his short sword, cuts himself along the forearm. Wes and Gunn move to Angel and Fred. ANGEL What do you want me to do? WESLEY Go to the village, call out the Groosalugg. And kill him. ANGEL Kill their undefeated Champion? (Wes nods) I can't do that. Not without turning into the beast. WESLEY I know. Angel looks from Wes to Gunn. ANGEL When I fired you guys, the reason I... the darkness was coming out in me, I didn't want you near it. The thing ü that comes out here is ten times worse. (beat) Wes, you understand, I do this, I won't come back from it. WESLEY Yes you will. I know you. (re: Gunn) We know you. We know you are a man with a demon inside and not the other way around. We know you have the strength to do what needs to be done. And we know you will come back to us. Angel nods his acceptance. FRED Wow, you really do have friends. I could go with you, I know how to prepare the challenge torch. WESLEY (clasps Angel's shoulders) You'll come back. Angel and Fred leave. GUNN You really think he'll come back? WESLEY I need him to think it. Wes moves off, leaves Gunn standing there. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - REBEL CAMP - NIGHT Men prepare for battle. Wesley stands alone (except for Host's head on tree stump next to him) by the dying fire. HOST'S HEAD Having some doubts, bro'? WESLEY Cordelia's all alone in that castle and this guerrilla warfare I'm planning, I don't know if it's going to work... we're dooÑmed, there'll be no escape for the Princess this time. Beat. HOST'S HEAD You might want to keep that to yourself. INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - NIGHT Groosalugg has laid the stricken Cor on a fainting couch. GROOSALUGG Princess, what can I get you? CORDELIA Nothing, don't leave. And whatever you do, don't fight a big ugly pointy demon with green skin-- I saw what he'll do to you. Silas barges in with several Priests, a couple of soldiers, notes Groo leaning over the prone Cordelia. SILAS Good, I see we are progressing towards mating. Let's get on with it. CORDELIA Huh? But what about the wedding? SILAS I tire of waiting. Do it. CORDELIA With you guys standing around? I don't think so. SILAS I will encourage you. Silas moves towards her threateningly as Priest One rushes in. PRIEST ONE My Lord, there is something in the village you will want to see. Silas moves with Priest One to a window. THEIR POV - a small flame in the darknesÕs below. EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - NIGHT Angel carries a flaming trident into the village square. The few villagers out at this hour are amazed by this. Fred coaches him from the shadows. Angel plants the trident facing the castle, glances to the Shadows where Fred mouths "I challenge the Groosalugg to mortal combat" along with him. Big hero moment. ANGEL I challenge the Groosalugg to mortal combat. Fred nods, good. ANGEL (cont'd) Come out and face me, unless you're a spineless coward! FRED Ooo, why'd you add that coward thing, that's gonna piss him off. INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - NIGHT CORDELIA What's going on, who's yelling? SILAS You have been challenged, you must fight. CORDELIA What? No, no fighting, I had a vision, he can't fight -- SILAS The honor of the kingdom is at stake. CORDELIA Will you listen to me? SILAS Silence! Soldiers hold her back as Silas and priests exit with Groosalugg. CORDELIA No, don't do it, DON'T DO IT! INT.ç CASTLE - ANTECHAMBER - NIGHT Silas pulls Groosalugg away from the royal chamber. GROOSALUGG Who calls me out? SILAS A savage barbarian. Do you love your Princess? GROOSALUGG More than I thought possible. SILAS If this filth should win, he will ravage and defile her. He will use her for his pleasure, again and again, and when she has no more screaming in her, he will kill her. GROOSALUGG HE WILL NOT! Furious, Groosalugg breaks free, barrels out. GROOSALUGG (cont'd) HE WILL DIE! PRIEST ONE (to Silas, casually) You do that really well. SILAS Thank you. EXT. CASTLE WALL - NIGHT Six IMPERIAL GUARDS patrol. PAN TO NEARBY TREES - MATCHING CUT: EXT. WOODS DOUBLING AS NEAR CASTLE WALL - NIGHT Find Wes, Gunn, a dozen or so rebels in the trees. Armed with short swords, axes, blunt stuff. Several SOLDIERS run past, we HEAR, O.S., SOLDIERS: "Groosalugg has been challenged... fight in the village..." Wes looks at his men, moves to five of them (including Rebel #1). Silñently signals them to go. They do, splitting in two different directions. Wes waits. After a moment we hear a DISTANT ALARM. "Rebels at the main gates!" "And the North wall!" EXT. CASTLE WALL - NIGHT Two of the six imperial guards run off and we HEAR OTHER guards running. The other four hold their ground, wary now. EXT. WOODS DOUBLING AS NEAR CASTLE WALL - NIGHT Gunn watches Wes move to Rebel #2. Wes looks him in the eye, puts a hand on his shoulder (they both know this is a death order). Wes nods at him and the man next to him. Rebel #2 and other rebel tear out of the trees. REBEL #2 Death to the state! EXT. CASTLE WALL - NIGHT Rebel #2 and other man tear out of the trees and are immediately set upon by the Imperial Guards. EXT. WOODS DOUBLING AS NEAR CASTLE WALL - NIGHT Gunn looks at Wes, back to the men who are getting killed fifty feet from them. Wes betrays no emotion, gives a little hand signal: Wes, Gunn, and rest of rebels move out. EXT. CASTLE WALL - NIGHT As the Guards kiîll Rebel #2 and other guy, Wes silently leads Gunn and the remaining men to the wall. Ropes are hurled up. EXT. OTHER SIDE OF CASTLE WALL - NIGHT Wes, Gunn and rebels repel down into the courtyard (catapult stuff and other wooden equipment in evidence) as the alarm sounds, we HEAR, O.S. "Rebels! Rebels in the yard!" A soldier above them takes aim with bow and arrow. Wes, Gunn and the others run across the courtyard. A rebel between Wes and Gunn takes an arrow in the throat. WESLEY Don't stop! Ram the door! As they grab a stray hunk of wood and ram the door, EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - NIGHT Groosalugg, dressed for battle, flanked by two soldiers on horseback, enters the square. A couple of soldiers on foot roll up a LARGE WOODEN WEAPONS RACK chock full of weapons. The few locals still outside rush inside their dwellings and stores, shutting doors and shutters. Groosalugg goes to the flaming trident, sticks his hand and forearm into the flame for a long damn moment, betraying no pain. ð Angel turns to Fred in shadows. ANGEL This guy doesn't feel pain? FRED He feels it but he is the Groosalugg, he overcomes all things. Good luck! Groos, fist still in fire, glares murderously at Angel. GROOSALUGG You're going to die, barbarian. Groos removes his fist from flame, selects a couple of his many weapons from the rack, moves methodically on Angel. Angel backs away, light on his feet, looking for an opening. Groos swings a mace-like thing, Angel catches it. Groos swings a bludgeon-like thing, beating Angel viciously about the head and shoulders. Then Groos kicks Angel so hard he flies back over barrels and through a post. Off Angel, barely conscious on the ground, END OF ACT THREE Act Four EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - NIGHT As before. Angel gets up, hits Groos, gets knocked back, gets up, gets knocked across the square and lands near Fred. FRED You can't hold back with him, he'll kill you. ANGEL (breathing hard) Not... holding back... holding on. INT. CASTLE - PASSAGEôWAY - NIGHT Silas moves down passageway. Priest one runs up behind. PRIEST ONE My Lord! Rebels have broached the castle. Wes, Gunn and one rebel turn a corner in the b.g. Wes shouts: WESLEY Silas! (to men) Stop him! Silas turns his back and SHOOTS DOWN THE HALL (on a slider) at incredible other-worldly speed. Priest One races after him as six soldiers run in the opposite direction, passing priests and engaging Wes and others in battle. Wes and Gunn are outnumbered until: The trap door opens, two rebels (Rebel #1 and other one Wes sent off in woods) join the fray from behind the soldiers, turning the tide. Gunn raises his short sword over his forearm. GUNN Surrender or die, this I swear in blood! The two Soldiers he's fighting hesitate -- blood oath's a big deal in this world. WHOOSH WHOOSH -- Gunn slices both of them with the sword. GUNN (cont'd) You know, your blood. INT. CASTLE - RELICS ROOM - NIGHT Cor paces as Silas enters followed a moment later by Priest One. CORDELIA Theúre you are. Please, I had a vision - the beast is going to kill him, you have to stop it! Silas moves (maybe even slides) to Cor, slaps her hard across the face knocking her to the floor. SILAS This is all your fault. He reaches down, grabs her by the hair, drags her across the room. SILAS (cont'd) You think you can destroy our way of life? Think again. At the altar, he yanks her to her feet. SILAS (cont'd) I'll kill every cow in the world before I will allow that to happen. Silas rips open curtain, reveals Slave Killer console. SILAS (cont'd) Every one of you! He hits her again. EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - NIGHT Angel and Groosalugg trade a couple of blows. Angel is doing a little better -- not much -- until Groos produces one of those battarang deals, twirls and hurls it. ANGEL'S ARM - (reverse camera?) The leather straps whirl round it, tethering him to an upright post in the square. Groos moves up, starts pounding Angel. GROOSALUGG You would defile her you animal!! Angel takeòs more hits. Fred can't bear to watch, this is the end. Angel MORPHS into the BEAST. Groos reacts as Angel tears his arm from the post, breaking it in half. Angel, pure animal, broken post-half tethered to his arm, leaps on Groos, growling and slashing and tearing at him. Horses rear at the sight. INT. CASTLE - RELICS ROOM - NIGHT The door is kicked open by Gunn, Wes braining a Soldier outside. Gunn, Wes, Rebel #1 plus two rebels rush in. Silas' hand is poised over the Slave Killer. Cor stands several feet behind Silas (weapons on wall behind her) showing signs of her beating, head a little bowed. SILAS You're a little late. WESLEY (to rebels) Stand down! (to Silas) You don't have to do this. SILAS I don't have to, but I'm going to. And you and your filthy cow princess can all go to -- WHOOSH - COR, looking very butch, swings a large sword through frame. ON THE FLOOR - Silas' head rolls. His body hits the stones. CORDELIA Your cow Princess is tired of hearing you yak, Padre. GUNöN Nice goin' . CORDELIA Thanks. (to Rebel #1) These guys stay dead without a head? REBEL #1 Oh yeah. CORDELIA Good. We have to get to the village, now. The Groosalugg is facing a terrible beast, I saw it. (points to head) WESLEY Actually, the Groosalugg is facing Angel. Off Cor, EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - NIGHT Angel-Beast and Groos roll in the street, pure animal fight now. Angel-Beast gets on top of Groo and is about to drive his teeth into Groos' throat. ANGEL-BEAST - The red eyes waver for a beat -- showing a little of Angel's normal eyes. (GREEN SCREEN) GROOSALUGG - his head to the side, waiting for the end. Nothing happens. He turns his head, looks up. Sees: NORMAL ANGEL - Sitting astride him. Grim, but in control. ANGEL We're not going to do this... we're going to find another way. Fred - watches, amazed. Couple of extras watch, wondering what will happen next. Angel gets slowly up. As does Groos, taking in this new side of his opponent. ANGEL (cont'd) (low, intense:) I'm ònot an animal. Groos seems to absorb that sentiment, then promptly hits Angel again. Angel knocks him back. ANGEL (cont'd) All right, what part of my being all noble here didn't get through? Groos raises a weapon to continue the fight as -- CORDELIA, Wes, Gunn and a couple of rebels come running into the square. Cor runs in between them. CORDELIA Stop! Stop the fight! Don't hurt him, I love him, I LOVE HIM! ANGEL (moved) You love me? CORDELIA Not you, dumbass, HIM! I love him! (arms around Groo) ANGEL Oh. Cor turns to Soldiers. CORDELIA Lay down your weapons. Silas is dead, the Priests are defeated. Any Guard who harms a human from this day forth shall answer to me! ANGEL But you love me too, right? Soldiers put their weapons down. Cor attends only to Groos. CORDELIA Are you all right? Did he hurt you? ANGEL As a friend and co-worker ... CORDELIA What did he do to you? Let's get some bandages over here, people! ANGEL Maybe love is too strong a term. DISSOLVE íTO: EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - DEATHWOK FARM - DAY (Time permitting, we will shoot this:) CLOSE - A SLAVE'S -HEAD on a tree stump - might look like a chopping block. WIDE - ANOTHER SLAVE wrestles the slave's collar off, using a long metal pole. It's not easy to get these collars off. THE COLLAR - snaps off, falls in the mud. THE SLAVE - stands, joins his friend. A couple of other "freed" slaves nearby, exchanging hateful glances with a couple of local greens, racial tension on the rise. HOST (O.S.) All's well that ends well, I say... INT. DEATHWOK FARM - HOST'S MOTHER'S FARMHOUSE - DAY Angel, wearing his coat, watches as Host, head reattached, moves across the room, stretching it this way and that. Host wears flamboyant shirt and Numfar trousers or skirt. Sullen Mother and a couple of cousins (plus Numfar-wannabe) watch.. HOST Good as new -- although I seem to have put on about a hundred and fifty eight pounds. ANGEL You look great. Love the culottes. HOST It's been a thrill, ñMom, see ya' in a millennium or three. Host heads for door, Angel stops him, speaks low: ANGEL Isn't there something you want to say to your mother? HOST "May you burn in Tarkna?" ANGEL Come on, she's not so bad, she didn't store your body on the maggot heap like you thought she would, did she? Beat. Host turns, walks to Mother. HOST Bye Mom, thanks for storing my body on the lice pile instead of the maggot heap. Angel reacts; Host picks some lice off his shirt, scratches. MOTHER I thought you were lost to us forever. (sniffles) But you came back ... ANGEL There now, see? MOTHER You, the runt of my loins, came back after raining such misery on our lives and managed to shame us even further. (spits on floor) ANGEL Well all right then, we'll just be ... MOTHER Who's supposed to do our labor now that your cow friend has freed the slaves? Do you know what they call me at the Hall of Drink and Chance? Mother of the Vile Excrement! ANGEL Be sure to keep in touch. ÷MOTHER Go on, misfit, back to your world where no one knows his place! Angel pulls Host out. MOTHER (cont'd) May you burn in Tarkna! Mother slams door hard. EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - DEATHWOK FARM - DAY Host and Angel stand there for a beat. ANGEL Every family's got its problems. We HEAR MOTHER O.S.: "Numfar, do the dance of shame! ANGEL (cont'd) Yours more than most. HOST My psychic friend told me I had to come back here -- I didn't believe her. Then I realized I did have to come back here because I really always thought I had to come back here deep down inside. You know? Angel nods. HOST (cont'd) I had to come back here to find out I didn't have to come back here, I don't belong here, I hate it here. You know where I belong? L.A. You know why? Nobody belongs there, it's the perfect place for guys like us. ANGEL That's kinda beautiful. HOST Ain't it? They head off down the road. HOST (cont'd) I feel a song coming on. ANGEL Figured you would. Host starts singûing (his back to us so we can't see him singing, we'll clear something later. Take one: "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"; Take two: something faster like "Six Days On The Road and I'm a Gonna Make It Home Tonight.") As Host sings, two green guys in b.g. grab their ears and fall into the mud. INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - DAY CORDELIA I have a vision ... COR stands opposite Priest One who's lookin' pretty scared. Possibly because she holds an ax. CORDELIA (cont'd) Actually I have two visions. In one of them you get to keep your head. PRIEST ONE How may I be of service, your Majesty. Cor nods to attendant who hands Priest quill and parchment. CORDELIA Take a memo... As it is now written, all citizens are created equal. Slavery and religious persecution are outlawed. She uses blunt end of ax (insert to be shot later) to smash SLAVE KILLER CONSOLE to bits. Fred (cleaned up, wearing something simple and local) Gunn and Wes head in, excited, carrying the "Wolf, Ram and Hart" books. WESLEY I thiænk we did it. FRED I was openin' portals but I couldn't tell where -- you need the priests' formulas to control that on this side. CORDELIA So we can go home? GUNN All we have to do is take these books to Angel's car and let her say the words. PRIEST ONE Those are sacred books! CORDELIA Excuse me? PRIEST ONE Which you should have as a small memento. Cor smiles, moves to Groosalugg. CORDELIA You're in charge now. And you got a long road ahead. Slavery's over, but reconstruction's just begun. GROOSALUGG What is this "reconstruction?" CORDELIA Gunn, you want to field this? GUNN It means sayin' people are free don't make 'em free. You got races that hate each other, you got some folks gettin' work they don't want, others losin' the little they had. You're lookin' at social confusion, economic depression and probably some riots. Good luck. Groo nods, turns back to Cor. CORDELIA You'll do fine. GROOSALUGG It worries me but not as much as... do you havóe to go, Majesty? CORDELIA I don't want to... I'm really going to miss your eyes and that "Majesty" thing, but... I have a job to do back home. (moves closer) It was fun bein' your Princess. They kiss. Long and romantically. Then: CORDELIA (cont'd) Bye, Groo. GROOSALUGG God Speed, Princess. Groo holds a nice long cloak for her; she puts it on and walks the length of the room. Everyone (mostly the serving staff) kneels as she does, heading for Wes, Gunn and Fred (our three not kneeling) at the door. As she joins them: WESLEY Should people be kneeling in a free society? CORDELIA These things take time. INT. CARITAS - NIGHT Empty. Then a distant rumble. The stage curtain wafting, then blowing, then lights flash, a PORTAL OPENS and Angel's car (Angel, Cor, Wes in front, Host, Amy, Gunn in back -- all stunts) comes barreling out of the portal, all of them screaming -- the car crashes through tables and chairs and into the bar. Beat. CAMERA circles the car. They're all alive and wòell, if somewhat stunned. HOST You know I've been thinking about remodeling the bar. Host reaches past some broken bottles, grabs an unbroken one. HOST (cont'd) Who's up for a nightcap? EXT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - STOCK - NIGHT INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - GARDEN - NIGHT Angel, Cor (wrapped in her cloak), Wes, Gunn and Fred move through the garden. They are tired but glad to be home. GUNN That portal jumpin's a fun ride -- sell it to a theme park, we could make some money. FRED You're sure about that --? CORDELIA Trust me, tacos everywhere - and soap. Fred smiles. ANGEL Can I say it? I'm going to say it. WESLEY Say what? INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - LOBBY - NIGHT As they all enter from the garden. ANGEL There's no place like ... REVERSE - Willow sits alone on the round couch, a small figure far away from them. Somber and a little pale. ANGEL (cont'd) Willow? CORDELIA Hi. What's ... Cor stops speaking, realizing something is very wrong. ANGEL It's Buffy ... Off them, THE END