Through The Looking Glass March 19, 2001 (Full Blue) Written by: Tim Minear Teaser Our "previously on" gets us into this world, but also we hear the T'ish Magev from episode 8 telling Angel that "the demon is you," and Angel protesting this fact. We end up where we were at the end of episode 20, the boys reacting to the revelation that Cordelia is princess of this realm: INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - DAY Post scuffle. ANGEL, WESLEY, GUNN and the HOST bound before her royal highness, CORDELIA. The CONSTABLE and GUARDS have now regained their superior you're-our-prisoners position, flanking and holding the guys. WESLEY Cordelia..? GUNN No way. HOST (gasp!, then:) That look, it's to die. ANGEL You're... safe. CORDELIA L'il bit. (straightens her tiara) They made me ruler. An uncomprehending beat, then -- WESLEY But... this is fantastic! CORDELIA Well, it's not like my throne couldn't use a few extra cushions, but I'm not really gonna complain because, well -- throne. She doeøs a royal wave to an imagined adoring crowd. WESLEY (pssst!) Cordelia? Cordelia! (she looks at him) You can order them to release us! CORDELIA Yes, I really could. CONSTABLE Shall we gut the cows now, that you might dine on their ignoble flesh, oh Most High? Cordy makes with the icky face. CORDELIA You're most high if you think that's gonna happen. (then) Besides, shouldn't there really be some extended grovelling first? ANGEL (a low near growl) Cordelia. She looks to them, sees they're no fun at all. Sigh. CORDELIA O-kay... (beat; then) Off with their heads! The looming Palace Guards take a threatening step forward -- CORDELIA (breezily) Kidding. The Guards stutter-stop, exchange confused glances. Cordy reaches over to a tray of fruit-like items held aloft by a muscle-y courtier. Picks a tid-bit, nibbles daintily. CORDELIA Mmmm. More of these. Off Cordelia, ruler of all she surveys and her friends, still bound before her in supplication -- BLACK OUT. END OF TEASEìR Act One INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - DAY The Constable confers with his princess, a watchful eye on the prisoners as they are unshackled by the guards. CONSTABLE Your Majesty, I must protest. To allow dangerous prisoners to roam freely in your presence... CORDELIA (confidentially) I've got mace. (off his puzzled look) You're going to make me use my important voice, aren't you? (important deep voice) Leave us! The Constable hates this, but what's a loyal subject to do? With little enthusiasm he nods to his men, they exit the royal chamber. The guys hold steady, wait for them to go. Cordy turns from the door to the guys, grinning, arms extended as they rush (specifically, Gunn, Wes and Host) -- -- right past her to the platters of tasty treats. Starved. GUNN (mouth full) Thank god we found you. WESLEY (chewing) We were so worried. ANGEL (approaches Cordy) What happened? CORDELIA What's it look like? They jabbed me with hot pokers for a while, then made me a princeôss. Gunn eyeballs Host as Host stuffs his pockets with treats. HOST For the trip home. WESLEY But it doesn't make sense, does it? In a world where humans are chattel and slaves -- why would they elevate one to monarch? HOST (realizing) You had a vision, didn'tcha, puddin'? CORDELIA Uh, yeah. And can I just say - visions not getting any easier. I'm still kinda vibrating. Though that could be from the hot pokers. HOST See there? She had a vision. That explains it. (off their looks) Well, see, there's this prophecy... ANGEL A prophecy. Great. Because those always go well... Angel rolls his eyes, moves away. HOST The Priests that've been running this mess for the last several millennia, The Covenant of the Trombli, humorless bunch, anyway they teach of a coming messiah, the Cursed One. A being with the Pure Sight who will one day claim the throne and restore the monarchy. WESLEY When you say "Pure Sight..." HOST I mean a direct link to the Powers That Böe. I mean her. All eyes go to Cordelia. Gunn bursts out laughing. GUNN She's the messiah? CORDELIA It could happen! WESLEY It has happened. At least, that's what these Trombli believe. And so long as they do, we might actually stand a chance of surviving this place until we can find a way out. CORDELIA Find a way out? How'd you get in? GUNN Same way you did. Opened a portal with the book. WESLEY But we seem to have misplaced it. CORDELIA The portal or the book? GUNN Both. CORDELIA Oh. Well, I don't know about portals, but they've got books here. Those Trumble guys used some when they swore me in. WESLEY I'd like to see those -- CORDELIA In kind of a hurry to get back to the Cordelia's-not-a-princess- dimension, aren'tcha? GUNN Okay, say we do get the instructions - don't we still need one of them interdimensional hotspots? WESLEY Yes. That's true. Angel -- ? Wesley turns -- where's Angel? Cordy sees him, reacts -- CORDELIA Geeeaaagh! ANGEL1/2 - has found a full length mirror. He stands before it, examining his reflection... touching his hair. CORDELIA He's reflecting! WESLEY Yes, the metaphysical laws that govern our world don't seem to apply here. GUNN He can walk in the sun, too. ANGEL (patting his hair) Okay. This is because of going through the portal, right? CORDELIA Huh? No. It always looks like that. WESLEY Angel, while we search here for the proper incantation, it might save us time later if you and the Host hit the streets, see if you can document any portal activity -- ANGEL I don't get it... WESLEY Well, the Host knows this world. We have to ascertain if... ANGEL (still with the hair) No, I mean why didn't anyone tell me? CORDELIA What? It looks good. ANGEL (admiring himself) You're not just saying that? WESLEY Angel! Please. Go with the Host. Track down his cousin, Landok. Speak to his family, find out if... HOST Ho, ho, Ýho! Back up! You want me to talk to my family? On purpose? WESLEY It's that, or face the possibility of never getting back to our dimension. The Host considers that, knows he has no real options. Looks annoyed to Angel, still looking at himself. Grabs him. HOST Come on, gorgeous. You can stare at yourself in my grandmother's glass eye. (as they go) Oh, and while we're here, it's just "Lorne," okay? To the people of Pylea, a "host" is just one more thing to lay your eggs in. ANGEL (exiting) Yeah, yeah, fine. Can we get my coat? WESLEY The books, Cordelia? Can you get us access? CORDELIA I'll have to check -- with myself! I mean, am I not the princess? INT. CASTLE - RELICS ROOM - DAY Candle lit room with weapons on wall, shrine/altar with three sacred books and jewel encrusted uber button box. A gathering of the COVENANT OF THE TROMBLI. An angry meeting. PRIEST #1 A cow! An animal! To allow her to wear the crown is sacrilege! SILAS She is curãsed. She has The Sight. We all agree. PRIEST #1 Not all. Why would The Powers choose as their vessel this craven beast? SILAS It doesn't matter why. She is our sovereign, now. And no harm must come to her... at least... not until after the Com-shuk. A general murmur of "com-shuk?" "The com-shuk." Etc. SILAS The Groosalugg is en route to the palace now. If the princess survives the Com-shuk, then you may have her head, Barshon. But not before. Priest #1 smiles now, satisfied at this. PRIEST #1 The cow's reign will be a short one... EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - DEATHWOK FARM - DAY A medieval, ramshackle looking farm compound. Out front, several HOST TYPE DEMONS wrestling. CHILDREN DEMONS scampering. A WAGON slows long enough for Angel (now back in his long coat) and Host to hop off the back, then continues on. Host watches the house. HOST Boy, I'd give my left horn to not have to do this. (calling) Hi-dee ho! Guess who's back? The Demons see them approacñhing. The biggest of the bunch, the ALPHA DEMON, lets go of the one it had pinned, rises. Big, powerful, thick beard. The demon sees the Host, reacts with recognition. As they approach each other: MOTHER Krevlornswath? HOST If you say so. MOTHER Can it be true? I have prayed that the day would come when I might look again on your face... HOST Well... you're in luck, then! She spits in it. MOTHER You have shamed our clan and betrayed your kind. Host pulls a handkerchief from his pocket, wipes away spit. HOST Thanks, mom. Angel does a take -- mom? MOTHER Each morning before I feed, I go out into the hills where the ground is thorny and parched, beat my breast and curse the loins that gave birth to such a cretinous boy-child! HOST (ladies and gents) My mother. MOTHER Why have you come back, Krevlornswath? HOST Oh, you know, I was in the dimension, thought I'd swing by. Place looks great, incidentally. You have another Dark Ages while I was away? MOTßHER Your father was right. We ate the wrong son. HOST Well! Enough of this sentimental reminiscing. Just a coupla quick questions, then I'll skedaddle... hopefully forever this time. So remember back around five years ago when I first disappeared, didya notice anything... odd? MOTHER We noticed feasting and celebration! Your brother Numfar did the Dance Of Joy for three moons! Numfar, do the Dance Of Joy! A GREEN HOST-LIKE DEMON does a jig behind mom in the b.g. HOST Actually, what I meant was more along the lines of strange flashing, kind of a weird pulsating... (aside to Angel) Ya know how I said there was no music in my world? Wish I could say the same about the dancing... (then, to Mom) ...lights, really. You couldn't've missed it. Big bendy, swirly -- MOTHER No longer do the Dance Of Joy, Numfar! Numfar stops dancing. A beat. HOST So nothing like that at all, then? MOTHER Now take your cow and get off my lawn. LANDOK (O.S.) That is éno cow! LANDOK appears from the farm house, pushing his way toward them. He brushes right past the Host, moves directly to Angel, clasps him in a manly way on the shoulders. LANDOK My friend, it is good to see you again. I would have perished in your strange world were it not for your bravery. ANGEL Glad to see you got back in one piece. MOTHER You know Krevlornswath's cow? LANDOK He is Angel, the brave and noble Drokken killer! "Ooohs" and "ahhhs" from the assembled. ANGEL Just "Angel" is really... MOTHER This cow defeated a Drokken? LANDOK He is as valiant and courageous a warrior as I have ever known. MOTHER Then he shall be welcome in our home, and we will do him honor! Numfar, do the Dance Of Honor! Numfar does the Dance Of Honor. Landok claps his hands sharply. HOST Landok. Hi. Say, the Drokken Killer and I just have a few itty, bitty portal queries, then we'll... Some of the Host's family descend on Angel, pull his leather coat from hõim -- ANGEL Oh... uh... hey, guys? LANDOK We shall adorn our gallant friend in raiments befitting a warrior, that our neighbors may know of his valor! Host's family start hanging viking-ish clothing on him. ANGEL (off retreating coat) Just, uh... that's leather, so not a wire hanger... Hey, oh, thanks, but this really isn't... He stops as one of the tribe appears holding a large mirror in front of him. Once again, Angel's reflection fascinates. ANGEL Nice. Now, the hair. Do you think -- ? Landok puts an arm around Angel. LANDOK Come! You will be our guest of honor at the village feast! There you will tell the tale of your bravery and courage against the vicious Drokken! Angel is spirited away, the Host is left standing alone... only Numfar nearby continuing to do his Dance Of Honor. HOST Why it's the homecoming I've always dreamed of! EXT. CASTLE - DAY The castle overlooking the village to re-establish, as... INT. CASTLE - RELICS ROOM - DAY Gunn hangs near æthe door of this smaller, creepy candle-lit room, half keeping watch as he examines one of the books. Wesley is at an altar like thing, one of the ancient books open before him. Cordy hovering nearby, looking at a third book, clueless. GUNN Can you actually read this stuff? WESLEY It resembles certain demonic languages with which I have some familiarity... however whole passages appear to be missing... Now Wesley notes the cover of the book Cordy's absently looking at. On the cover, an engraving of a RED MALE DEER. WESLEY Fascinating... a hart. She turns the book over, looks at the cover. CORDELIA That's not a heart. It's a Bambi. And we expect him to read this teeny tiny print? WESLEY (taking the book) No, no. Not H-E-A-R-T. H-A-R-T. The male red deer, or "staggard," is often associated with rural mysticism. Gunn tosses the one he was looking at in front of Wesley. GUNN Yeah, they all got animals on 'em. Probably just a buncha demon bedtime stories. ð Now all three books are open, Wesley's eyes find a pattern. WESLEY Of course! The holy books are written in trionic! CORDELIA What? WESLEY No one of these volumes is complete without the other two... it's really one book broken up into three pieces. CORDELIA Like a trilogy. WESLEY No, no. Much more complex than that. (points to 3rd book) You see, this passage here? It continues in this volume... (points to 1st book) ... here. Then concludes... (points to 2nd book) ... in this one. The rhythm of the sentence structure lets one know when to jump from book to book. GUNN Say anything about the portals? WESLEY Impossible to say. It'll take me some time to decipher, I'm afraid. CORDELIA You're starting to bore the princess. WESLEY ... though I do seem to be finding references to The Cursed One. CORDELIA (perking right up) Really? There's stuff about messiah me? No mention of, like, a crucifixion, though, right? WESLEY "Com-shuk." CORDELIA Huh? WESLEYô Contextually... a verb? CORDELIA Something I'm going to do? WESLEY Yes. With a... Groosalugg? CORDELIA What does that mean? WESLEY I've no idea... GUNN Sounds dirty if you ask me. CORDELIA Nobody did. GUNN Look, why don't we just get someone who knows this stuff to tell us what it means? CORDELIA Like who? Wesley continues to examine the books, immersed... GUNN Like them priests the Host was talkin' about. Books belong to them, right? CORDELIA Well, yeah. Wesley closes the middle book -- sees on the cover of this one is a WOLF. Something occurs to him, a sinking feel. He reaches over, closes the book on the far left -- a RAM. GUNN Well, you keep goin' on and on about how "you're the princess." Can't you make 'em translate 'em for us? He slides it to the middle. Slides the Wolf book under this, then up into place before the Ram book. CORDELIA I guess I could. Yeah, why not? Princess not taking a vote, really, is she? I'll make a decree! But Gunn'õs no longer paying attention to her. His attention has drifted to what Wesley is doing. The last book is still open. Wesley closes it. Looks from book to book as he's laid them out: WOLF, RAM and HART. GUNN (getting it) Wolf... Ram... WESLEY ...and Hart. (then) I'm not sure the priests can be trusted... EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - DAY The Host stands alone, drinking, apart from the crowd as he watches Angel finish telling a tale to the rapt crowd, a FEW GREEN DEMON CHILDREN at his feet. ANGEL ... and then, WHACK! I chopped off the evil lawyerbeast's hand and he screamed and screamed, and then I left. They burst into applause. The Host catches his eye, beckons him. Angel excuses himself, pushes past his admirers. HOST Well! You're a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren'tcha? We should probably be getting back to the palace. ANGEL Oh. I hate to disappoint the kids. They really seem to be enjoying this. HOST They're not the only ones. Nice to be seen as a hero without all ûthose pesky little moral ambiguities you get back home, isn't it? ANGEL Maybe it is, a little. Yeah. HOST They see you a certain way... you start to see yourself that way. You become that image. I get it. I do. Because I know how they see me. Can we go? LANDOK (approaching) Angel! You must tell again the tale of the sorcerer who could remove his limbs and re-assemble at will! HOST Right. Because that's a good one. The Host tips his glass -- down the hatch. A COMMOTION now in the crowd. Landok sees something. Grabs Angel. LANDOK Ahh! It is time for the Bach-nal. Angel, you shall swing the crebbil! ANGEL (shrugs, grins) Yeah? Okay. The Host nearly gags on his grog. But Angel's already being led off by Landok and company. HOST The crebbil? Uh, Angel..? INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - DAY Cordy blows into the chamber, Wesley and Gunn on her heels. WESLEY Cordelia, you must listen to me -- CORDELIA No. I've heard enough, Wesley. You want me to go back out there where ýwe'd be slaves? Sorry, not seeing the upside to that. WESLEY Cordelia, there are... forces at work here. You don't know who these priests are or what it is they serve. CORDELIA Me. They serve me, okay? Look, if you wanna go, then go! I have to stay here and... make proclamations and wear a crown and be a princess! WESLEY And Com-Shuk with a Groosalugg! CORDELIA Okay. Well... whatever that is it's gotta be better than shoveling demon horse poo! Cordy stops dead as WE WHIP AROUND to see -- Silas standing there in the doorway, now. SILAS Majesty -- is everything all right? CORDELIA Yes. WESLEY No. GUNN Yo, priesty. What's the skinny on that Groosalugg, anyway? A beat. Silas looks to Cordy. SILAS Have you had a vision, Majesty? WESLEY Yes. Yes, she's had a vision. So you may as well be candid with her, or she'll know. GUNN No lyin' to the messiah, now. Silas glances to Wes and Gunn, then back to Cordy. SILAS Clearly, Her Majesty has seen the Groosalugg becøause it has been summoned from the Scum Pits of Ur... CORDELIA Scum Pits? SILAS ...and will arrive before nightfall. CORDELIA So that's the really close Scum Pits, then? SILAS Everyone is very anxious for her Majesty to Com-Shuk with the Groosalugg. CORDELIA Of course. Why wouldn't they be? Now, these two didn't even know what the Com-Shuk was! You tell them. I weary of the subject. SILAS The Com-Shuk is the Mating Ritual. GUNN (muttering) Told ya'll it was dirty. CORDELIA Yes, exactly. The Mating Ritual. Which is... great. I mean, it's been a long time since I've had a good... Com-Shuk. An uncomfortable silence. Then -- CORDELIA So I'm just gonna run out for a minute because... I wanted to... get it a gift. And ya know, Groosaluggs, hard to buy for. So I should hurry. SILAS (blocks her way) I must insist you not leave the palace, Majesty. The rebels are about. There have been rumblings. CORDELIA Rebel rumblings? SILAS No need for alarm. We've doubleãd the palace guard. CORDELIA Doubled it, huh? Unh-huh. But you will let me know when the Groosalugg gets here? SILAS Of course, Majesty. CORDELIA Good. Well, then -- you know the drill. Have it... bathed and brought to me just as soon as possible. You can go now. Silas bows as he backs up toward the door. SILAS Thank you, Majesty. Cordy smiles as he bows, exits. She turns to the others -- CORDELIA Let's get the hell out of here. EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - DAY We're in the thick of the CROWD as Angel is spirited to the center of the village square, being jostled in triumph to shouts of "Swing the crebbil! Swing the crebbil!" It's like a Jewish wedding as now FRED, the girl from episode 20, appears in the crowd, also being carried forth. Angel thinks it's some dance-thing. He smiles to her as she is twirled before him. Suddenly, she's slapped down onto a chopping block. Her neck exposed. Someone shoves an axe into Angel's hand. He grins, looks down as he'ðs jostled up into position -- LANDOK Strike quickly and true, Angel - then we can eat. Off Angel, finding himself in the executioner's position... BLACK OUT. END OF ACT ONE Act Two EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - DAY Where we left off. Angel in the unfortunate position, inadvertently poised to behead the terrified Fred. Angel looks to his new best buddies -- the Deathwok Clan... ANGEL You expect me to... MOTHER Sever the cow's head from its body! FRED (muttering) Make it quick, make it quick, make it quick... LANDOK It is a great honor to swing the crebbil at the Bach-Nal. ANGEL Yeah, I'm sure it is. And it's a... nice crebbil, too. Sharp. Look, how 'bout we tell some more stories? That was fun. Did I already do the one about the demons with the eyes... in the... back of their... (off the blank blinks of the crowd) Nothing. MOTHER Swing the crebbil! ANGEL You want me to kill her... MOTHER The cow is a runaway! A scavenger. It sneaks down from the hills and plun÷ders our food stores. ANGEL She was probably hungry... LANDOK Will you not swing the crebbil? Angel pulls Fred from the chopping block, holds her trembling form to himself, brings the axe up into defensive posture -- ANGEL Only if you force me to. A GASP rises up from the crowd. The Host knocks back another drink -- HOST Here we go -- The until-very-recently-adoring crowd is quickly turning into an angry mob, converging all around Angel and Fred. LANDOK Angel, why do you insult us? ANGEL (to Fred) Okay. We're just gonna back up, nice and slow... and these good folks are gonna... He takes a step back with her. The demons attack. ANGEL Try to kill us both -- Angel fights them off, but it's a losing battle as, suddenly: HOST (O.S.) Stop! (belting it out) In the name of love! Before you break my heart! Baby, baby, I'm aware of where you go each time you leave my door! I watch you walk down the street, knowing your other love you'll meet! The crowd recoils, the æHost moves into it, SINGING at the top of his lungs. Hands quickly going over ears. LANDOK What is this strange sorcery? MOTHER It burns! It burns! The Host continues to sing, looks to Angel, nods. Angel looks back, sees in the distance -- PALACE GUARDS' CHARIOT Heading this way -- ANGEL Drags Fred from the frightened crowd, which is being mowed down by Motown. Angel and Fred run to a nearby horse. He climbs up, offers his hand to her. A beat, she takes it, lets him pull her up, then they're off! The Host continues to SING, even as the chariot thunders up. HOST Stop! In the name of Love! Before you break my heart! A PALACE GUARD descends on Host, bludgeon swinging right at Host's head. Host sees it, eyes going wide with: HOST Think it oh-oh-... oh, sh -- ! WHAM! He gets hit, goes down. INT. CASTLE - PASSAGEWAYS - DAY Gunn's head appears, poking around a corner. All clear -- GUNN Okay! Now Wesley appears. He turns, expecting to find Cordy -- WESLEY (uärgent, sotto) Hurry up! Now she comes around the corner, laden down with booty -- everything she can carry. CORDELIA If you ever figure out how to get us out of here, I want you to find me a dimension where some demon doesn't want to impregnate me with its spawn! I mean, is that just too much to ask? WESLEY There it is -- Wesley indicates a WOODEN TRAP DOOR in the floor of the passageway. Gunn kneels next to it, tries to open it -- won't budge. GUNN Give me a hand. Wesley and Gunn start prying up the trap door -- CORDELIA What is it about me, anyway? Do I put out some kind of Com-Shuk-me vibe? You'd tell me, right? Finally they get it open -- all react to a powerful STENCH. CORDELIA Okay. Smells like I'll be mating with the Groosalugg. WESLEY Cordelia, you can do this. The sewage system empties out past the castle. It's our only sure bet. Just... hold your breath. CORDELIA Why can't we use the front door? GUNN You really think you'd be ableÇ to get your booty out the front door? CORDELIA Hey! GUNN (points to loot) That booty -- CORDELIA Oh. Well. I just wanted a little something to remember my reign by, is that so wrong? FOOTSTEPS in the distance, closing. WESLEY We've got to go -- now. They all wait for someone else to go first. A beat. Finally: GUNN Move out the way -- Gunn holds his breath, climbs down. WESLEY Alright, in you go -- CORDELIA You first. He goes in. She takes a breath, accidentally drops a couple of baubles from her pile. She scurries to grab fallen treasure. Bauble rolls to a booted foot -- Cordy looks up. Silas is standing there. WIDER Cordy rises. Silas and some PRIESTS on one side of the corridor -- PALACE GUARDS appearing down the other. SILAS We've been looking for you, Majesty. Silas notes the open trap door, nods to a guard. The guard closes the trap door. SILAS Someone must speak to the servants about leaving that door opÜen. CORDELIA Yeah. It is kinda whiffy in here. Cordy feels everyone's eyes on the loot she's holding CORDELIA I just thought I'd... have this stuff appraised. SILAS Your Majesty, The Groosalugg approaches. CORDELIA Oh. Good. Off Cordy, fucked. Or about to be. EXT. CASTLE - SEWER MOUTH - DAY Wesley drags himself out of the tunnel where Gunn waits. WESLEY She didn't make it. GUNN Now what? WESLEY We find Angel. Gunn gets a whiff of Wesley, recoils. GUNN Bro... WESLEY (moving off) You're no prize yourself. Wesley exits. Gunn sniffs his shirt, reacts, follows -- EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - DAY The horse carrying Angel and Fred trots into frame. Angel reins it in, searches the horizon. ANGEL I don't think we've been followed. As he climbs down off the horse, helps her down... ANGEL We should probably stay on foot now, in case they try to track us. Angel slaps the horse on the ass. It trots off. He turns back to Fred who's just sort ofì staring at him in fascination. ANGEL You okay? She doesn't take her eyes off of him as she reaches up, feels to make sure her head's still there. FRED Handsome man. Saved me from the monsters. Bye. She turns and bolts into the woods. A beat, then -- ANGEL Hey -- wait a minute! He goes after her. EXT. ANOTHER PART OF THE WOODS - DAY Angel moves through the woods, searching for Fred. We're moving with him as he catches glimpses here and there of a FIGURE darting through the trees. Angel pushes through a patch of trees, just sees something disappearing into brush. He follows... INT. FRED'S CAVE - DAY Angel enters and is astonished at what he sees -- a magical place. Stalactites, stalagmites, a water pool that shimmers and reflects light all around. It's clear that Fred has had years to make this place a home, furnished with odds and ends that she's managed to steal from the village. On the walls -- a strange combination of mathematical equations and runic symbols carveéd and painted there. Like those prehistoric caves in France. (We might recognize the symbols as versions of the text from the magic book that our people found in the library.) Fred is already at a wall, using a chalky colored stone to write, as if she's been doing it all day. She's now wearing a pair of self-mended glasses. Angel slowly approaches her. ANGEL Hello? Hey, great place. She pauses, then draws again. Angel roams a little. ANGEL You know, you don't have to be afraid of me. Really. I'd never... Now he catches his REFLECTION in the water pool... ANGEL ... hurt you. She glances back at him. He looks up from his reflection, caught. She quickly turns back to her drawing. ANGEL Don't you want to talk to me? FRED Pffft. Yeah. ANGEL So why won't you? FRED Ha. Because. You're not real. Or I'm not real... Somebody here isn't real and I suspect it's you because you're all big and brave and hero-y. (building, drawing) So if you're not real, then my head camÚe off back there and so I'm dead now. Dead. And with me being dead and you not being real I can hardly be expected to get into some big conversation at the moment because it's just a little too much pressure, alright?! ANGEL Okay. She goes back to drawing. Angel moves a bit closer. ANGEL What is that you're doing? A beat as she takes in the wall, sees the enormous amount of carving, as if for the first time. FRED I think I saw it in a dream. She goes back to drawing. Angel moves about the space, looking at the evidence of Fred's life here. ANGEL You've been here a long time. FRED Ha. Always. Not always. I had a dream. I had a name... Angel picks up a battered old California driver's license. Picture of Fred and her name: "Winifred." ANGEL Winifred... She reacts to that. ANGEL You're the girl from Cordy's vision... FRED What? ANGEL They called you Fred... you were studying to be a physicist... FRED That's my dream. ANGEL ¶You disappeared from a library in Los Angeles five years ago... FRED Stop it -- During this he's been moving closer and closer. She's getting lost in his eyes, staring up at the big, handsome, not real man. ANGEL It's not a dream, Fred. FRED It's not? ANGEL No. FRED And my head's still on? ANGEL Yeah. Her glasses have become a bit askew. He gently pushes them up onto the bridge of her nose. FRED You're real? A beat as they hold the look. Then she pulls away. FRED No. No, I don't want you to be real. ANGEL Why? FRED Because... you're nice. And you saved me... and... bad things will happen to you here. Bad things always happen here... ANGEL No. Nothing bad's gonna happen. It's going to be okay. We'll take you out of here. FRED We? ANGEL I'm here with my friends. We're working on a way to get back -- FRED Can't get back. There is no back. ANGEL There is. If we can open the portal --Ú FRED The portal! She fell through the portal! ANGEL Who did? FRED That other girl. I couldn't help her, I was arrested. They've got her. She's a slave. She'll die -- ANGEL Oh, Cordelia! No, she's fine. They made her a princess. This stops her rant dead. FRED They -- Really? Oh. When I got here they, they... didn't do that. Made me more of a, of a slave, really. (then) Well that's... nice for her. INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - DAY Courtiers put the finishing touches on Cordy's new Com-Shuky outfit at the mirror. She's in mid-rant, wants desperately out of here -- CORDELIA You sure this is a good first-date look? I don't want to seem too easy. I was thinking more something in a nice tailored suit. Of armor. They are finished. Start to steer her back toward the throne. CORDELIA So I figure we'd start slow. A few dinners, some light conversation, nothing too heavy, then, in three or four years, if we still feel like we're hitting it oèff okay... SILAS The Groosalugg, Your Majesty... The big wooden doors are pushed open by guards. A disgusting SLOSHING, WET SOUND. TENTACLES appear, slithering around the corner. Cordy tries to rise... CORDELIA Say! Don't you think it'd add an air of feminine mystery if I just wasn't here? Hands push her back down into the throne. And now... the thing that's actually dragging the tentacles appears -- the biggest, ugliest thing you've ever seen -- unless you've already seen MORDAR THE BENTBACK, for that is likely what it is, enters. Cordy gulps. It's worse than she expected. CORDELIA Kill me now. And now, behind the Bentback... the actual GROOSALUGG appears... A quite literal BRONZE GOD -- half human, half something else. But all the best halves. Bronze metallic skin glowing, pure blue eyes flashing. Dressed in Lancelot gear. She stifles, but just barely, a gasp at his beauty. GROOSALUGG (to Bentback) Just put those anywhere. His valet, the Bentback, deposits the wôet squishy tentacles. The Groosalugg takes one look at Cordelia, strides up to the throne, drops to one knee, takes her hand and kisses her ring. GROOSALUGG Majesty... (re: tentacles) I bring you tribute from the kill. The Mogfan Beast is defeated. The Scum Pits of Ur are safe once again for travelers. Off Cordy, one eyebrow going up, saying "nice!" EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - LATE DAY Angel and Fred make their way through the woods. Angel stops. Looks around. FRED Never been to the palace before. Seen it up there. On that hill. Watching me. ANGEL We've just got to find my friends. But he's looking a little lost, suddenly. ANGEL Think I'm kind of turned around... Angel reacts now as he senses something... Now WE HEAR it, too. A THUNDERING. BUILDING. Getting closer. ANGEL Get down! He shoves her out of the way, as -- PALACE GUARDS Burst through the trees on horseback. Angel rolls in the grass, is on top of her. The horses circle around, coming back at them. ANGEL You maôy see something -- it may frighten you. But I'm your friend -- okay? She nods, terrified as the Guards attack again. ANGEL Hops up and... doesn't morph. We read the surprise on his face. He shakes his head, puts his hands to his face... tries again... HORSE COMING CLOSER... This time he's taken by surprise, SCREAMS out in PAIN as -- MORPH! But he becomes something we've never seen before. Something far more fierce, more primordial. And now he's pulling the demon guards from their horses. Killing the shit out of them in a blood frenzy. Tearing, biting, clawing. He's pure instinct. There's no Angel left in this thing. And now the bodies lie strewn and dead. The AngelBeast whips its head up, flesh and blood clinging to its jaws. It senses something behind it... Fred, drawing herself up as small as possible. FRED Bad things always happen here... And as the snarling thing that once was Angel turns on her -- BLACK OUT. END OF ACT TWO Act Three EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - LATE DAY Where we÷ left off. The AngelBeast SNARLS at the cowering Fred and it's friggin scary, folks. There's no where for her to run, and she wouldn't be able to, anyway. Fred shuts her eyes, awaiting the inevitable... Suddenly, AngelBeast's head JERKS UP, sensing something. The scent of something on the air -- AngelBeast turns and lopes off impossibly fast. All the tension goes out of Fred's body and she nearly collapses. But then she doesn't, she steels herself, moves to the fallen guards, pulls a leathern pouch off one of the bodies, kneels there... GROOSALUGG (V.O.) An animal... a beast. INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - LATE DAY For Cordelia, all there is in the world is the blue, blue eyes of the Groosalugg. She gazes into them. GROOSALUGG To my people, I was nothing more than this. CORDELIA Why? GROOSALUGG Can you not see why? CORDELIA Well... not exactly. You seem... pretty good to me. GROOSALUGG You are truly beneficent. Such compassion. To ignore the flaws of my polluted birth. CORDEôLIA Well... huh? He kneels before her, takes her hand, moves it over himself... GROOSALUGG The strange curve of my mouth... the odd bulging of my limbs... the heart beating in the wrong place... She swallows. Gulp. GROOSALUGG As I matured and these defects became more apparent, The Covenant soon determined there could be no mistake -- there was cow's blood in my veins. CORDELIA So? Heck, I'm all cow! Er, human. GROOSALUGG No. You are beyond cow or god. You are the transcendent one -- CORDELIA I am? GROOSALUGG You have been cursed by The Powers. CORDELIA Tell me about it. GROOSALUGG For my people, to be part cow is to be less than whole. There was nothing I could do to prove my worth. I was incapable even of performing husbandly duties with any of the females of my tribe. CORDELIA Oh, you mean, you're... GROOSALUGG Anatomically equipped to mate only with a human. CORDELIA Unh-huh. Good to know. GROOSALUGG I was cast out of my village. Cut off f3/4rom my life-givers, forced to make my way on my own. CORDELIA My parents were busted for tax fraud, and my trust fund dried up over night. GROOSALUGG I sought to end my suffering. CORDELIA Get out! Instantly everyone in the room, including Groosalugg, starts to go away. CORDELIA No, no! Wait! Everyone turns, looks at her. She smiles at Groosalugg. CORDELIA He can stay. Everyone else leaves. He returns to her. CORDELIA Go on... GROOSALUGG So I foolishly entered every contest of skill and daring I could in an effort to snuff out my pathetic life. But even at this -- I failed. CORDELIA You did? GROOSALUGG I won every match. Vanquished every Flame Beast. Defeated every Drokken. It seemed nothing could stop me. CORDELIA I killed on my SATs. GROOSALUGG The Covenant had no choice but to bestow upon me the name Groosalugg -- the brave and undefeated. CORDELIA Wow. They gaze into each other's eyes.ß Now the Constable enters the chamber. CONSTABLE Majesty -- She doesn't take her eyes off the Groosalugg's. CORDELIA What? Now we see, just beyond the Constable, Two PALACE GUARDS flanking a bound and GAGGED Host. CONSTABLE There has been a disruption at the Bach-Nal. The prisoner is ready for your swift and cruel punishment. She can't peel her eyes away from Groosalugg boy. CORDELIA Handle it, will ya? I'm in the middle of something. CONSTABLE (calling back) Execute the prisoner! They start to hustle Host out. A beat and the word "execute" seems to penetrate Cordy's spell. She looks up, sees the Host, wide-eyed, being hustled away. She leaps up. CORDELIA Wait! Hang on! They stop. She runs to them, pulls off the Host's gag. CORDELIA He's pardoned! I pardon him. The Constable registers disappointment. Nods to the guards who unshackle him. Moves off. CORDELIA Are you okay? HOST (noting the Groosalugg) Not as good as you, obviously... (reÉ: the guards) Should I call them back? You could borrow the cuffs. CORDELIA Listen, I'll uh, I'll get back to you. (shooing him) Pardoned. Absolved. Shoo. He leans forward as she starts to shut the door on him -- HOST Where's Wesley and Gunn? CORDELIA Oh, I'm sure they're fine. And he's shut out. She turns back to Groosalugg. EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - LATE DAY Wesley and Gunn staggering through the woods, lost as shit. GUNN I swear we've been past this same clump of trees twice already -- WESLEY Nonsense. I've been following the sun. We're headed due west, back toward the village. GUNN Which one? WESLEY Which village? GUNN Which sun. There're two of 'em. Wesley stops suddenly -- WESLEY Shhh -- GUNN You havin' a Blair Witch moment? Yes, a CRUNCHING in the BRUSH. Wesley whips around -- just trees. Still, he senses... WESLEY Something's hunting us -- GUNN Palace guards -- ? WESLEY I don't know -- He turns Üjust in time to see -- a BLUR from the corner, something comes FLYING out of the trees -- the ANGELBEAST. It attacks, knocking Wesley on his ass, but leaping past, whirling around for the kill. Gunn grabs Wesley and yanks him backward. GUNN What the hell is it? WESLEY I think... I think it's a vampire! Gunn does a take. GUNN Even uglier than the ones we got back home. Well, least vampire is something I know how to deal with -- ANGELBEAST leaps again. Gunn grabs a handful of rocks, starts pelting AngelBeast, distracting it from Wesley. As he does this, Gunn kicks a heavy branch off a tree, a perfectly good, rough stake. He circles AngelBeast and AngelBeast circles him -- GUNN Come on... you know you want to... In the tussle, AngelBeast's shirt has been ripped, exposing his shoulder tat to Wesley -- PUSH IN ON WESLEY WESLEY My god... AngelBeast leaps! Gunn brings the stake around... WESLEY (calling out, aghast) It's Angel! Gunn looks back at WÞesley, distracted for a split second. GUNN What?! His stake misses the mark, which is good for the franchise, but bad for Gunn at the moment. AngelBeast takes Gunn down, sweeping a razor sharp claw across his mid-section. Gunn rolls away. But not for long -- GUNN What should I do? WESLEY I don't know! (then) Angel! Angel, can you hear me? ANGLE - A FIST Is plunged into a leathern pouch, coming out covered in blood. THE BLOOD FIST Is slowly raised into the air. ANGELBEAST Raises his head from his fallen prey, sensing that... WESLEY I think he understands -- GUNN Nu-unh... it's something else... Angelbeast turns from Gunn to see -- FRED Standing in the distance, a hundred yards away, her bloody fist held aloft. ANGELBEAST Forgets about Gunn, rises, turns toward the woman. Fred doesn't take her eyes off Angelbeast as she starts to walk backward... slowly, slowly... GUNN What the -- ? Wesley puts out a hand to silence Gunn. Holds deadly still. éAngelBeast moves slowly toward Fred as she continues to back up into the trees. After a few moments, they're both gone. Wesley is stunned stupid. Gunn is hurt, doesn't know it until he tries to sit up. Winces. Wesley moves to him. WESLEY You're hurt. Wesley tends to the wound, rips a piece of Gunn's shirt and makes it into a bandage. GUNN What the hell just happened? WESLEY That terribly strange wild girl saved us... from Angel... GUNN Something very freaky is going on here -- WESLEY And I have a suspicion I may know what... GUNN Yeah? WESLEY Angel's vampire self seems to have been sublimated somehow by this dimension. Only his human side has surfaced since we've been here -- GUNN You mean bein' able to walk out in the sun... seein' his reflection... like that? WESLEY Yes. And now, for whatever reason, he's accessed his demon... but can't find the balance he normally would in our world. The demon part of him has totally overcome his human side. GUïNN So that's what the thing inside of him really looks like? WESLEY In its purest form, I think so, yes. GUNN "Pure" kind of a funny word to use for what that was. WESLEY We may've just looked on the face of the primordial demon that first bit a human being and created the original vampire. GUNN Nasty. WESLEY Can you walk? GUNN Yeah. WESLEY We've got to find him. They take exactly two steps and -- AMBUSH! RAG CLAD HUMANS drop out of the trees, come over rocks and out of the bush. REBEL LEADER Stand or die! Gunn tosses down his walking stick, pissed off. GUNN You know, fine. We're standin'. Off Gunn and Wesley, captured... INT. FRED'S CAVE - LATE DAY Fred lures the hunkering and dangerous AngelBeast back into her cave. She backs up to the water pool. Dips her bloody fist into the water, swishes it gently around, washing the blood away. The AngelBeast on its haunches, regarding her. It moves a bit closer... ANGELBEAST'S POV Of the water pool as the wõater settles... and his hideous reflection comes into relief. AngelBeast SNARLS and GROWLS. Fred starts... sees he's not looking at her. He makes a move, tries to attack the thing in the pool that's snarling back at him. As soon as he does, it shimmers away of course... The AngelBeast seems to be taking in the water, what it means... the value of it. Now his reflection starts to reassemble itself. He gazes down at his face, really seeing it. If horror can be read on this demon countenance, we're seeing it now. He lets out a yelp/growl, dashes his hand at the water, making the hideous and hated image break up again... and now... WATER POOL As the water begins to settle yet again into the reflection of the primordial AngelBeast... And while the water is still shimmering... the image in watery motion MORPHS back to ANGEL... ANGEL Stunned, devastated, shivering, half mad with what he's witnessed. He collapses on his side, eyes rolling up in his head as he passes into unconsciousness. Fred trieôs to move to him, reaches her hand to him, but he doesn't register her presence or anything else. Off Fred, gazing at the shell that was Angel, crouched in a near fetal position in her cave... BLACK OUT. END OF ACT THREE Act Four EXT. CASTLE - NIGHT A night version of our Castle CGI shot, as... INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - NIGHT The Groosalugg stands at the window, looking like a statue of bronze gazing out the window into the moonlight. Cordy is on her throne, legs slung over the side as she listens. GROOSALUGG And that, my princess, is my story in full. When the Covenant summoned me, I was vanquishing the Mogfan Beast that bedeviled the Scum Pit of Ur. CORDELIA It's a great story. And you're a great... Groosalugg. Really. But I'm not your princess. The truth is... I'm not anybody's princess. Groosalugg looks at her, confused. GROOSALUGG You have not The Curse? CORDELIA The visions? Oh, yeah. I've got visions coming out of my ears. And sometimes blood, too. But that dúoesn't make me a princess. That just makes me... kinda weird. GROOSALUGG I don't understand... CORDELIA Where I come from... who I really am... is so far from being a princess you have no idea. I'm an actress. GROOSALUGG I do not know this word. CORDELIA Actress. It means... when I'm lucky enough to get a gig... that other people tell me what to do, where to stand, how to move, what to say -- GROOSALUGG Oh, I see. You were a concubine in your village. She smiles ironically at that. CORDELIA Felt like one, sometimes. Last job I had, you shoulda seen the horrible thing they made me wear. This tiny, skimpy, exploitative... (realizing) Not like this. GROOSALUGG Have they no eyes in this village? CORDELIA What do you mean? GROOSALUGG Could they not look upon you and see that you are a princess? Swoony beat. CORDELIA I'm not. GROOSALUGG Pardon my impudence, Majesty... but you are wrong. The Covenant has declared it so. CORDELIA It doesn't matter what they say. ö GROOSALUGG Then you declare it so. You declare it with your bearing, with your beauty, with the mercy I have seen you bestow upon one of your subjects this very day. CORDELIA Oh, him? He's a friend of mine... GROOSALUGG And if you treat all your subjects in this way, then you will do much good. You will heal my country. CORDELIA It's a beautiful dream. Really it is. I mean, who wouldn't want to be a princess and live in a palace with a gorgeous... Groosalugg... by their side. But it's not real. GROOSALUGG Why not? She's about to protest that it is not... but suddenly can't think of a reason. She glances at the mirror, sees herself in the crown, the gorgeous Groosalugg by her side. Off that -- INT. CASTLE - RELICS ROOM - NIGHT Silas paces before the assembled. SILAS She's asked for parchment -- PRIEST #1 Some strange cow mating ritual? SILAS No. She wishes to make proclamations! PRIEST #1 Proclamations? SILAS She's decided she can "do some good." PRIEST #1ù Then the Com-Shuk has not yet taken place? SILAS I think it's time to send our princess a message... EXT. WOODS OF PYLEA - REBEL CAMP - NIGHT A moveable camp. Rag tag tents. Small fires. A primary GROUP OF REBELS in strategy discussions: REBEL #1 I know how we can send the princess a message! We storm the palace! REBEL LEADER It'd be suicide. Our entire number would be wiped out in minutes. REBEL #1 Yeah, but it'd be a message. WESLEY (O.S.) Excuse me? REBEL LEADER turns and WE REVEAL Wesley and Gunn strung up on poles, prisoners. WESLEY I couldn't help overhearing. GUNN Wesley... WESLEY Now, Gunn, I believe we can help these brave men. REBEL #1 Shut up reconnaissance cow scum. WESLEY Now see here, I've told you already, we are not reconnaissance cows! REBEL #1 We tracked you coming from the palace. Don't lie. WESLEY I'm not lying, and if it's a message you want to send to the princess, then I know we can help! Wesley smiles smugly. Ready to play hüis ace. GUNN (sing-songy) Shut up, Wesley -- REBEL LEADER How? WESLEY Well! We just happen to be close personal friends of the princess! REBEL #1 (laughs) They know the princess! REBEL LEADER Close personal friends -- WESLEY I can prove it! Gunn shakes his head, rolls his eyes. The rebel leader eyes Wesley curiously. WESLEY In my wallet. (off the confused look) The leather holder in the back of my trousers. The Rebel Leader yanks out Wesley's wallet. Flips it open -- ANGLE - WALLET A photograph of Wesley, Cordy and Angel. BACK TO SCENE REBEL LEADER It's true. They know the princess. WESLEY Now, if your organization would just draw up some sort of list of demands, we'll be more than happy to present it directly to her Majesty! Wesley looks to Gunn, triumphant. Rebel Leader looks to his men. REBEL LEADER Let's do it. Have Sasha write up a list of demands... WESLEY (to Gunn) There, you see? REBEL LEADER ...shove the list in their mouths, put their severed høeads on sticks, and display them outside the princess's window. He moves away, tosses the wallet. Wesley's face falls. GUNN (calling after them) Hey! Yo! Wait a minute! You see me in that picture? I don't think so! I ain't no close personal friend! I'm more what you might call an acquaintance! Hey! (then, to Wesley) Have I mentioned just how glad I am I decided to leave my people behind in L.A. so I could come here to die? INT. FRED'S CAVE - NIGHT Fred gathers some water from the pool. Carries it over to her patient -- Angel. He's sick, trembling. His back to her, face to the cave wall. FRED Are you feeling any better? She dips a rag in the water, dabs his neck, tries her best to soothe him. FRED It's okay. You don't have to talk. I'm used to it. She continues to tend to him, soothe him. He's got tremors. She's worried for him. ANGEL (muttering) They saw it... they looked right at it. FRED Saw what? ANGEL The monster. They saw what I really am. Fred says nothing.  ANGEL I can't go back. Not now. I can never go back... FRED That's okay... She just looks at him for a long moment, then, with such hope... FRED You could stay... here. ANGEL His face, staring at the wall, not responding to the woman behind him. And in not protesting, accepting... INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - NIGHT Cordy and Groosalugg on the floor, writing on parchments. CORDELIA This one will free the slaves and outlaw polyester. I know it hasn't actually been invented here yet, but I'm a forward thinking Monarch. The doors open, Silas appears with a couple of PRIESTS-IN-WAITING. They're rolling what looks like a medieval version of a room service tray with domed lid. CORDELIA We didn't order anything. SILAS (to Groosalugg as he passes) Get out,ë cow. Groosalugg instantly bows, exits. CORDELIA Hey! You can't call him that! He's Groosalugg, the brave and undefeated! SILAS He is that only because I say he is. CORDELIA (calling after Groosalugg) Groo, where're you..? But he's gone without even looking back. CORDELIA He just left -- SILAS He understands the way of things. CORDELIA Yeah? Well, "the way of things" is going to change around here. SILAS Is that right? CORDELIA Way. I've got proclamations! She waves them in his face; he knocks them aside. SILAS Foolish girl. CORDELIA Hey! Who's wearin' the tiara around here, pal? SILAS The Powers have seen fit to place their gift in you, cow. CORDELIA Got that right. SILAS Why, I do not knêow. But let us be clear: you have no authority here. CORDELIA But I'm the princess -- SILAS The princess, like the Groosalugg, is a tool of The Covenant. Nothing more. You will do what we tell you to do. If we say "mate," then you will mate. CORDELIA You can't force us to... SILAS (cuts her off) If we say "silence," then you shall shut your cow mouth. CORDELIA (insulted) Pardon me? SILAS "Pardon," your Majesty? But don't you feel you've done enough "pardoning..." He pulls the domed lid off the not-room-service-tray, revealing the Host's wide-eyed decapitated head. SILAS ...for one day? He turns and exits, robes swishing as he goes. Off Cordelia, staring in horror at the green bodiless head... THE END