Over the Rainbow

Part 1

March 15, 2001 (Pink)

Written by: Mere Smith

Teaser

BIG HONKIN' PREVIOUSLY ON -- in which we see the portals between the dimensions, Angel kicking some Drokken ass, The Host's cousin, Gunn's friend's funeral, Cordy's commercial, Wesley's phone call to his dad, opening the portal in Caritas, and then, last but not least, Cordy sitting on the edge of the woods, bewildered--

FADE IN:

INT. CARITAS - NIGHT

ANGEL, WESLEY and THE HOST stand in the empty club, looking at the spot where Cordy used to be. The Host is way freaked.

WESLEY
Cordy?

A beat.

ANGEL
(calling out)
Cordelia?

Another beat. Cordy's nowhere in sight.

WESLEY
(stunned)
On no. Oh my God, no.

Angel starts looking behind the stage curtain, under tables, or wherever he may happen to be standing.

ANGEL
Cordy? Cordy!

WESLEY
How could I let this happen? She's--

ANGEL
(interrupting)
No. She's here. Somewhere. She's
just... hiding. Cordy! Cordy!

WESLEY
Angel--

ANGEL
What?

WESLEY
She's gone.

A beat.

WESLEY
Cordy got sucked into the portal.
She's in the Host's dimension now.

A pause, then Wes and Angel both turn to look at the Host, who is still wigged beyond measure.

ANGEL
Where's Cordelia?

Off the Host, a look of terror on his face--

EXT. THE WOODS OF PYLEA - DAY

Where we last saw Cordy: in a very strange land -- two big red SUNS in the sky. Strange animal-type NOISES chittering in the b.g.

CORDELIA
Angel?
(beat)
Wesley!
(weak hope)
Mr. Green Mojo Guy's cousin?

Nothing. She's all alone out here in the woods.

CORDELIA
Okay. I just gotta think. So there
we are in Caritas, cousin guy reads
from the book, the portal appears,
the rooms starts doing this bendy
thing, which is weird 'cause it didn't
do that last time, then cousin guy gets
sucked in and goes back to... his...
demon... dimension oh God.
(beat, then yelling)
HELLLLLP---

Then, mid-yell, she slaps her hand over her mouth.

CORDELIA
Right. Good one, Cor. Scream very
loudly so the hellbeasts come to you.

A beat, then Cor gets an idea. Looking around to see if anyone's watching, she clicks her heels together three time. Waits. Nothing happens.

CORDELIA
Worth a shot.
(beat)
So. Silver lining. It's... kind of
a pretty place when you look at
it -- woodsy woods, that's nice.
Two suns, that's different. Giant
hairy hellbeast staring at me, that's...

And now we see that there is, indeed, a giant hairy HELLBEAST staring at her from several yards out.

CORDELIA
...incredibly frightening.
(she starts backing up)
Good hellbeast. You're a lazy
hellbeast, aren't you? Yeeesss.
You're just gonna stay right there
while I...

And suddenly the Hellbeast unleashes a bloodcurling HOWL and LAUNCHES after her, running full speed.

CORDELIA
...RUN FOR MY LIFE!

Off Cordy, turning and running for her life--

BLACK OUT.

END OF TEASER

Act One

INT. CARITAS - NIGHT

TIGHT ON THE HOST

HOST
I don't know where she is.

WIDEN to see that the Host is behind the bar, pouring himself a large DRINK. He's nervous, scared.

HOST
I mean, my world, sure, but who knows
if she even... oh no, 'cause there's the...
on, and the...
(gestures)
with the...
(gestures, then shudders)
Ohhhh.

The Host tips the glass back and drinks the entire TUMBLER of scotch. Slams the glass down.

HOST
God, I wish I could get drunk.

WESLEY
Okay. We have to approach this
logically--

ANGEL
You know what? Screw logic. We're
getting Cordy back.

He grabs the BOOK from ep 19, starts flipping pages.

ANGEL
We're opening another portal,
and we're goin' in after her.

HOST
Oh no.

WESLEY
Angel, I don't think that's a good idea.

ANGEL
Wesley, I don't think I care.

HOST
(sinking below the bar)
I'm just gonna, y'know...

WESLEY
But we're completely unprepared! We
should go back to the hotel, do some
research--

ANGEL
I don't wanna research, all right?
I wanna jump through the big
swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia.

Angel starts reading--

ANGEL
"Krv Drpglr--"

WESLEY
We might never be able to get back!

A pause. Angel looks up. The host freezes, eyes bar-level.

ANGEL
(meaningfully)
It's Cordy.

A long beat, as Wes and Angel look at one another. After all, that's what it comes down to, isn't it? Wes nods.

ANGEL
(reading from the book)
"Krv Drpglr pwlz--"

HOST
Oh, crap.

The Host sinks all the way below the bar.

ANGEL
"--chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn
lffrmtplzt."

The music crescendos and... nothing happens. A beat. The Host pokes his head up above the bar, eyes darting all over.

ANGEL
Maybe I have to be standing where the
portal opened.

He moves to where Landok was standing, reads:

ANGEL
"Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt
dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt"!

And... more nothing. Angel looks up, furious.

ANGEL
What, is it out of batteries.
(to Host)
Is the thing out of batteries?

HOST
I don't know. I don't know how
it works!

ANGEL
(slamming the book closed)
Damnit!

A beat, as he tries to compose himself. Angel looks at Wes:

ANGEL
I just got her back.

He sinks into a chair, disbelieving.

WESLEY
Well, there's obviously not going to
be much big swirly hole-jumping
without a big swirly hole, so... I
suggest we return to the hotel and...
figure out a way to make one.

HOST
You know, maybe it's best that you
can't get in.

ANGEL
(pissed)
What?

HOST
I'm just saying, my world? You don't
wanna jump into my world lookin' like
that.

ANGEL
Like what?

The HOST weighs his answer, then says, in all seriousness--

HOST
Like a human.

EXT. THE WOODS OF PYLEA - DAY

Cor being chased by a howling Hellbeast. Cor plows through the woods, looking over her shoulder, the beat gaining on her--

CORDELIA
Oh God, on no, please--

--when suddenly it LEAPS, brining Cordy down. She SCREAMS. It rolls her over, face-up. She tries to fend it off--

CORDELIA
I'm not supposed to die this way!

As the creature goes for her face -- she squeezes her eyes shut -- THE SCREEN BLACKS OUT--

--and then we "open our eyes" in Cordy's POV--

--to find the Hellbeast licking the camera like a big ol' puppy dog. We POP WIDE to see the Hellbeast on top of Cordy, licking her face and panting.

CORDELIA
Oh thank God! And also, ew.

OLD DEMON MAN (O.S.)
Seekul! C'mere, boy! C'mere!

REVEAL an OLD DEMON MAN approaching, rustic-looking, calling to the Hellbeast. Seekul bounds over to the old man's side, where ODM scratches him behind the... whatever. Cordy gets to her feet, wiping demon-dog spit off her face.

OLD DEMON MAN
Yes. There you are, good boy. Yes.

CORDELIA
Really cute... thing you got there.
Personally, I've always been a
real... thing-lover.

But it's like he can't even hear her, as he reaches into pouch tied to his waist, talking to Seekul:

OLD DEMON MAN
You're a good boy, Seekul. A good
boy. You found me a cow!

CORDELIA
(insulted)
Hey! Who you callin' a cow, mister?

But now the ODM looks at Cor, and throws TWO LITTLE OBJECTS (think Batarangs) at her.

When they reach Cor, they change into BLACK BINDING CORDS (have to do this practically), wrapping around her wrists and ankles, with a cord going form wrist to ankle, as well. Cordy looks down at the cords, realizes she's immobilized:

CORDELIA
Um. Uh oh.

The Old Demon Man approaches Cor, still talking to Seekul.

OLD DEMON MAN
Yes, a fine old cow, all right. Good
cow. Should fetch us a pretty good
price at the market.

CORDELIA
(smiling, friendly)
Okay but you're like, Hindu, right?
You don't eat the cows, right?
It's more of a worship thing?
(beat)
Hello?
(meekly)
Scary country man?

The ODM stands there from a beat, regards her. Then to Seekul:

OLD DEMON MAN
Kind of a chatty cow, though, eh,
Seekul? That'll drive down the price.

He pulls out a cloth GAG, Cordy's eyes go wide--

CORDELIA
Oh no, wait, wait, wait--

--and ODM gas Cor, her protests now muffled. We PRE-LAP:

ANGEL (O.S.)
Start talking.

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY

HOST
About my dimension? Okay, sure.
Let's see... I was there, I came here,
I like here, I don't wanna go there.
(stands)
Is that it? 'Cause I should clean up
the club before--

ANGEL
Sit.

The Host sits.

ANGEL
Let's start simple. How did you get
from your world to here?

HOST
Through a portal.

ANGEL
And how did you open that portal?

HOST
I didn't.

ANGEL
(beat)
You're not helping me here.

HOST
(deep breath)
Look, it's no secret that I hate Pylea.

ANGEL
Pylea?

HOST
My home dimension. Back when I lived
there, I woulda done anything to get out.
Anything. So, one day, five years ago,
I'm in the woods, when suddenly, right
in front of me out of nowhere, a portal
appears. It was like my prayers had
finally been answered.

ANGEL
You knew it was a portal?

HOST
Well, no. At first I didn't know
what the heck it was -- but when
I went to get a closer look...
bendyflashywhooshbang!

ANGEL
Bendy... flashy... whoosh... bang.

HOST
The forest goes all bendy, big flashy
light, whoosh through the portal, bang
I'm in another dimension. This
dimension, which I love and adore
and will never, never, never leave.

ANGEL
But then... who opened the portal?

The Host holds up his hand like he's going to "make it talk".

HOST
Gift horse.
(he opens his hand's "mouth")
Mouth.

He deliberately turns his head away.

ANGEL
So where'd you end up? In
this dimension?

HOST
IN an abandoned building -- unlike
any building I'd ever seen... and
that's when I realized: somewhere,
someway I'd been delivered from hell.
(then)
I created Caritas on that very spot.

Wes seems to take interest in that, goes back to his book.

ANGEL
You're saying Pylea is a hell dimension?
That Cordy's in hell?

HOST
Oh, not literally. But it runs a
close second.

ANGEL
("I've been to hell")
I find that hard to believe.

HOST
Do you? Well, try this: They have
no music there. It doesn't exist--
do you know what that's like? No
lullabies, no love songs -- because
there aren't any. All my life I
thought I was crazy, that I had
ghosts in my head or something,
simply because I could hear music.
Of course, I didn't know it was
music -- all I knew was that it was
beautiful, and painful, and right.
And I was the only one who could
hear it. Then when I wound up here,
and heard Aretha for the first time...
(beat)
Don't kid yourselves. Cordelia's in
a very bad place. And you have to
get her out.

WESLEY
(realizing)
It's cold.

ANGEL
What? Put on a sweater.

WESLEY
No, no, the hot spot is cold.
(off their looks)
Certain geographical areas are rife
with psychic energy. These areas
function as dimensional "hot spots",
a natural gateway between our worlds.
I'm guessing Caritas is one such spot.
But the catch is--

ANGEL
Gotta have one of those.

WESLEY
--creating a portal depletes the hot
spot of its natural psychic energy.

ANGEL
And since we already opened one--

WESLEY
The hot spot is cold. That's why you
couldn't open the second portal.

ANGEL
Huh. I was right. It was the batteries.

WESLEY
(thinking)
The same probably goes for the one in
the library, too.

HOST
Well then, why not just wait 'til the
portal's recharged?

ANGEL
Because we've already wasted enough
time. We have to find another hot
spot, and fast.

WESLEY
Angel, that's not our only problem.

ANGEL
(frustrated)
Of course it's not.

WESLEY
When separate entities enter a
dimensional portal, they tend to...
well, separate. Assuming we find
another hot spot and manage to open
another portal, if we simply jump
in... we could wind up, literally,
on opposite ends of the world.

HOST
That means Landok and Cordy...

WESLEY
Didn't arrive together.

ANGEL
Then she really is alone.

GUNN (O.S.)
Hey.

Gunn stands on the steps by the garden. Drained. Tired.

WESLEY
Gunn. Where've you been?
We spoke hours ago.

GUNN
Sorry.

WESLEY
No, it's okay, it's fine.
(to Angel)
You want to update him?

ANGEL
Okay. We got two main problems: one,
we gotta find a dimensional hot spot.
Two, we gotta figure out a way to get
us all through the portal without--

GUNN
I'm not going.

A long beat.

ANGEL
What?

GUNN
Last night... I lost one of my crew--
I shoulda been there, but...
(beat)
I'm sorry. Wes said the trip might
be one way and... I just can't. I
know that makes me... I don't know
what it makes me. I just figured I
owed it to you to tell you face to face.
(this is killing him)
I wish you luck. I hope you find her.

He turns and exits without a word. A stunned moment.

HOST
Mm. Tough decision, poor kid...
but I'm right there with him.

ANGEL
Yeah. Me, too, I guess.

HOST
No, I mean about the not going part.
You do know I'm not going, right?

ANGEL
What? But it's your world!
We need a guide!

HOST
Remember when I said I loved this
dimension and I'm never, never, never
gonna leave? Exactly which "never"
did you not understand?

ANGEL
First Gunn and now -- I can't believe this!

HOST
Believe it or not, Ripley -- it's the
truth. I'll try to help you get there,
but if you think I'm gonna do the
whole homecoming gig? Lemme
tell ya: not even for the tiara. In the
meantime, though, I've got an idea
about finding your hot spot. Back
in a jif.

The Host takes off, leaving Angel and Wes standing there.

WESLEY
You know, Gunn does have...
responsibilities. Ties. People
to take care of.

ANGEL
So do I. And right now you and I
have to figure out how to save her.

EXT. PYLEA VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

A WEIRD-ASS POV shot: sideways, sort of jostling up and down. Then, ANGLE ON CORDY -- tied to a pole (think Luke and Han in "Return of the Jedi") as she's carried through the village square. When she's finally set down, we hear:

OLD DEMON MAN (O.S.)
She's a good cow. Strong.

WIDEN TO REVEAL -- the Old Demon Man standing over Cor, talking to a HAGGARD BEASTIE WOMAN named VAKMA.

OLD DEMON MAN
Maybe a little talkative, but you can
whip it out of her.

Cor reacts to that.

VAKMA
(looking Cor over)
Mm. Skinny. Ugly, too.
(beat)
One pig.

OLD DEMON MAN
Two pigs.

VAKMA
For this old cow? She'll probably
croak before I even get her home.

OLD DEMON MAN
A pig and a pint, then. Flib liquor.
And don't give me the cheap stuff,
Vakma -- I can smell the intestinal
juice, you know.

Vakma thinks about it, then hands the ODM a COLLAR.

VAKMA
Fine. Put the collar on.

As ODM puts the collar around Cordy's neck, then cuts her down off the pole--

VAKMA
Ever since the last cow died, we been
muckin' out the flehegna stables
ourselves. You should see my rash.

Finally Cordy gets to her feet, the ODM untying the gag.

CORDELIA
OKAY. First of all, I am a human
being, not a cow, and you can't just
barter a human being. Second of all,
one pig? One measly pig? Third of
all, there's been a huge misunderstanding
here. I'm an American. I have rights. And
right now I'd like to get right back to--

Just them Vakma aims a little car-alarm-clicker-lookin'-thing at Cor and presses a button. ZAP! Cordy yelps, shocked. Touches her collar -- what the fuck was that?

CORDELIA
Ow! Hey that hurt!

VAKMA
Cows aren't for talkin' -- they're
for doin' their jobs, if they know
what's good for 'em.
(to ODM)
You can come by tomorrow and pick
up your stuff.
(to Cor)
Come on, cow.

As Vakma turns and starts walking off--

CORDELIA
Wait a minute. If you think I'm just
gonna follow you--

Without looking back, Vakma lifts the clicker and... ZAP!

CORDELIA
Ow! You got another think--
(ZAP!)
OW! Coming!

She scuttles off after Vakma.

As Cordy walks behind Vakma through the village square, we (and Cor) get a look at this world -- somewhat medieval, somewhat industrial, different demons and... well, there are probably some chickens running around, too.

CLOSE ON COR, as she takes it all in, bewildered and not a little frightened. As Cor clears frame, we see a HUMAN GIRL, FRED -- the girl from Cordy's vision in ep 19 -- wearing a COLLAR, too, hiding behind something (a wall, a vendor's stall, whatever). She watches Cor and Vakma walk away, then slips back out of sight.

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

Act Two

INT./EXT. GUNN'S TRUCK - LOCATION TBD - DAY

Gunn sits quietly, looking unhappy, both hands on the wheel. It's obvious that he's struggling with the decision he just made. A few moments of this, then Gunn throws the truck in gear and pulls away.

INT. VEAL PENS - DAY

We PAN ACROSS a row of people (mostly women) in those cubicle-type veal pens, all talking into phone headsets. We come to rest on A GIRL, late 20's, black, attractive -- this is AGNES (AGGIE) BELLFLEUR. She speaks into her headset, slowly:

AGGIE
You're lost, miles away from anything
that grounds you. I get a deep sense
of longing, of separation--

Suddenly the Host pokes his head around the corner of her cubicle, wearing SUNGLASSES and a BASEBALL CAP, holding a MAGAZINE over half his face. He whispers--

HOST
Is this a bad time?

Aggie looks at The Host, but speaks into the headset:

AGGIE
It's like you feel cut off--

Aggie punches the "off" button, delighted. Stands.

AGGIE
Lorne!

HOST
(they hug)
Hey, Aggie. How's it goin'?

AGGIE
Oh, you know the business -- vague
predictions, lengthy pauses, anything
to keep the numbers rollin'... are you
hiding from the mob?

HOST
Ugh. Don't get me started. I know
it's Hollywood chic, goin' incognito
and all, but this hat's really chafin'
my horns.

AGGIE
So what brings you to the office?

HOST
Like you don't already know.

AGGIE
Oh, I know. I just wanna see what
kinda spin you're gonna put on it.

HOST
Dimensional portals. Psychic
hot spots. I need to find one.

AGGIE
Why?

HOST
Some friends of mine are going
on a little trip.

AGGIE
I see. And the big flashing neon warning
light in your aura means what?

HOST
(dry)
Eat at Joe's. So can you help me pin
down a hot spot?

AGGIE
No.

HOST
(beat)
Gotta admit, I didn't see that comin'.

AGGIE
I'm getting' all kindsa ugly conflict
vibes comin' offa you, Lorne. And
they're all pointin' at that portal.

HOST
Are you sure you're not just seeing
the chili I had for lunch yesterday?
'Cause whew, you wanna talk
about conflict--
(off her look, stops)
They need the hot spot because
they're going to Pylea, my home
dimension.

AGGIE
And you're not going with them.

HOST
Aggie, I'd rather have a hydrochloric
acid facial. I'd rather invite a hive
of wasps to nest in my throat. I
would rather sit through a junior
high school production of "CATS"--
do you see where I'm going with this?

AGGIE
Not to Pylea.

HOST
Exactamundo.

AGGIE
That's too bad, then. Now they'll
never rescue the girl.

HOST
(beat)
Come again?

AGGIE
I can find your hot spot, Lorne, but
on one condition: you've gotta go
with 'em. It's the only way you're
gonna resolve these issues that are
cloudin' up your aura, I can see it.
Be honest -- deep down, you've
always known you'd have to take
that one last trip back home.

HOST
It's the "last" that scares me.

AGGIE
Sometimes the journey is taken simply
because it must be taken.
(beat)
That vague enough for ya?

HOST
Is that what I sound like? Eeesh.
No wonder people complain.

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY

Wes is doing the tome pore-age. Angel paces, antsy.

WESLEY
I suppose I could try a binding spell
of some kind, something to fuse us
together when we enter the portal.

ANGEL
Good. Let's do that.

WESLEY
However, we could emerge on the other
side as a freakishly hybridized Siamese twin.

ANGEL
(stops, beat)
Keep looking.

WESLEY
You know, this is the third reference
I've seen to iron, or metal. It might
be a clue as to how to prevent us
from scattering.

ANGEL
What, we handcuff ourselves together?
Who do we know that has handcuffs?

WESLEY
Well, I--
(stops)
--wouldn't know, but anyway, I don't
think handcuffs will work.

ANGEL
Then what will work, Wesley? It's
been twelve hours since Cordy was
sucked through the portal. There's
no telling what could have happened
by now.

Just then two men in suits, GAVIN PARK and ANOTHER LAWYER enter the front door. Angel turns on them.

ANGEL
Whadda you want?

PARK
Angel. Good afternoon.

Angel takes in the suits, the briefcases, the hair gel.

ANGEL
Lawyers. Don't you people sleep'
during the day?

PARK
I'm Gavin Park, and this is my
associate, Mr. Hayes. We represent
Wolfram and--

ANGEL
Already bored.

PARK
We've come to appraise the hotel.

ANGEL
What?

PARK
Correct me if I'm wrong, but your
lease expires in six months, and
Wolfram and Hart is interested in
purchasing this building.

A beat.

ANGEL
You gotta be kidding. You couldn't
get me to turn evil so now you
wanna evict me?
(to Wes)
Well, apparently they've changed
their tactics. Now they're tryin'
to annoy me to death.

PARK
An astute observation, Angel. If
there's one thing lawyers are good
at, it's creating red tape. Tying up
things in the system for years on end.

ANGEL
Yeah, but somethin' tells me I'll be
around a lot longer than you and
your little red tape.

PARK
Be that as it may, we'd like to take
a walk around the place, if you
don't mind.

ANGEL (O.S.)
Huh.

We play that on Park, then go to Angel, who looks up IN VAMPFACE (no morphing), for:

ANGEL
You think maybe I mind?

Park smiles, unfazed, though Hayes looks a little wigged.

PARK
Very well. We'll contact your real
estate company and inform them of
your noncompliance. They should
send you a notice of obligation and,
after that, if you still refuse to
cooperate, I'm sure that somewhere
in your lease agreement, there must
be one or two loopholes to be exploited.
(beat)
You... do have a lawyer, don't you?
(no response)
Have a nice day.

Park and his partner leave. A beat. Angel (now OUT OF VAMPFACE) turns to Wes:

ANGEL
How soon can we get outta this world?

INT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - A BARN - DAY

CLOSE ON COR:

CORDELIA
I wanna go home.

REVEAL that Cor is standing in a stall in a barn, shovel in hand, surrounded by piles of... well, let's just lay it on the table, folks: horse shit.

Over the top of one of the stalls, we see an otherworldly Vulich creature rear up (though we don't have to see its legs, etc.) and whinny.

Cor has had her clothes taken, and is dressed in some drab peasant garb. As she shovels manure into a wheelbarrow--

CORDELIA
I wanna be in my bed--
(shovel)
I wanna order some Thai food--
(shovel)
I wanna read the latest issue
of "Marie Clare".
(shovel)
I wanna be doing anything but
SHOVELLING DEMON HORSE POO!
(ZAP!)
AHHH!
(whisper)
Woman has ears like a bat.

Cor lays her shovel down, starts pulling at the collar.

CORDELIA
There's gotta be a way to get this
thing off--

FRED (O.S.)
Don't do that.

Cordy whirls around... to see an EYE staring at her from a knothole in the wall. (i.e., Fred is in the next stall over, but there are floor-to-ceiling walls between them.)

CORDELIA
Who's there? What do you want?

ANGLE ON FRED -- crouched on the other side of the wall, looking through the knothole. (Throughout this scene, we'll be cutting between the two of them.) They speak lowly:

FRED
I forget, it's not important. But if
you take the collar off bad things'll
happen to your head, like it'll implode
so don't take the collar off, okay? I
can't talk to you if you don't have
a head, okay?

CORDELIA
Okay.
(peering in the knothole)
Are you a human?

FRED
Keep shoveling, go, shovel!
Where did you come from?

CORDELIA
Los Angeles. How long have you been here?

FRED
I was born here. I mean, not really,
I just... sometimes I think I was...
I mean, I don't think it with my
thoughts... I forget certain words.
How'd you get here?

CORDELIA
Hold on. Why don't you tell me where
"here" is, first?

FRED
Pylea. Keep shoveling, geez!
Another dimension, you're lost,
I can tell, so many of us are lost
even there but it's true. I'm not
crazy. Well, crazy but I'm not wrong.

CORDELIA
So how do I get out of here?

Fred barks a short laugh, stifles herself, bewildered.

FRED
I forgot. Laughing. You don't.
They use you as a slave then your
body gives, zip! Gone.

CORDELIA
Well, that's not happening to me, okay?
I've got friends back in L.A. and they're
gonna come rescue me.
(beat)
Any time now.

FRED
I tried to get back. I didn't have
the math. Which is strange,
'cause... How'd ya get here?

CORDELIA
Me? Well, I'm... pretty sure I got
sucked into a portal.

Fred has a big reaction to that. A pause.

FRED
A portal.

CORDELIA
Yeah.

FRED
(urgently)
Where was it?

CONSTABLE (O.S.)
Fugitive!

Fred pops to her feet.

FRED
Oh no!

CORDELIA
What's going on?

Suddenly the CONSTABLE enters, a demon-type, surrounded by a bunch of VILLAGERS.

CONSTABLE
(to Cor)
On your face, cow! On the floor!

Fred freaks out, starts yanking at an exterior WALLBOARD, can't get it open fast enough.

FRED
No, no, no!

CONSTABLE
Grab her!
(to Fred)
A disabled collar. Clever little
cow. Ya should have stayed in
the woods.

CORDELIA
Wait! What's--

CONSTABLE
Face down!

A Villager SHOVES Cor down, keeps a knee in her back as the Constable and his men capture Fred.

ANGEL ON COR -- on the ground, barely peeking up as--

COR'S POV -- All we can see are SHOES as the Constable and his men drag Fred away, still struggling.

Off Cor, scared shitless--

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - WESLEY'S OFFICE - NIGHT

Angel sits behind the desk, alone.

ANGEL
So as soon as Wes solves our
scattering problem, we'll be
leaving. Don't know if we're
coming back.
(beat)
11:16. Cordy's been gone almost 24
hours now. I think I've covered everything...
(beat)
Oh. The mortgage for the hotel is
under the company name. Lease is
up in six months -- at least, that's
what they tell me, so...
(beat)
Well, I guess that's it. It's...
11:17 and 23, 24, 25 seconds and...
anyway.
(beat)
Take care of yourself.

Angel reaches over and presses the button on the SPEAKERPHONE. A beat, then the Host appears at the doorway.

HOST
How you holdin' up?

ANGEL
I wanna go. Bad. Just waitin' for
Wes to have that "eureka" moment.

HOST
Ugh. Waiting's the worst.

He comes in, sits down.

ANGEL
I just... I picture her out there,
all alone, standing in a desert,
nothing for miles around...

HOST
Oh, sweetie, don't picture her there.
The only desert in Pylea's made
entirely of quicksand.

ANGEL
Is... this you comforting me?
'Cause you suck.

HOST
Sorry.
(beat)
Angel, there's something I have
to tell you.

Angel looks at him. Uh oh.

ANGEL
About Cordy?

HOST
Yeah. It's... not good.

ANGEL
(bracing himself)
Okay.

HOST
You're not gonna want to hear this.

ANGEL
Then don't make me wait.

HOST
Point taken. You see, where I come
from, humans are... how do I put
this? They're slaves.

ANGEL
Slaves?
(grins)
Right. I can just see Cordy doin'
that. I can barely get her to clean
out her coffee cup.

HOST
Angel -- it's not a joke. They're
slaves, in the very real sense of the
word: they're spit on, abused,
beaten -- and if they step out
of line...

He trails off, letting the implication hang. Angel's grin fades.

ANGEL
You're kidding.
(off Host's face)
You're not kidding.

HOST
It's total compliance. They only way
they stay alive is to keep their eyes
down, mouths closed, do their work,
and stay invisible.
(beat)
Disrespect is punishable by death.

ANGEL
Mouths closed?

A beat. Angel stands.

ANGEL
We gotta go get her, NOW.

WESLEY (O.S.)
EUREKA!

ANGEL
Oh, thank God.

HOST
You mean he actually says "eureka"?

Wes pops in, excited.

WESLEY
I know how to get us through
the portal!

ANGEL
(already moving)
Let's go.

EXT. PYLEA VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

Cordy is following Vakma, carrying several baskets and buckets as Vakma talks to a VENDOR. Vakma's got some articles of Cor's stolen clothing tied around her in an inappropriate place (a shirt around her head, a belt around her neck, etc.)

VAKMA
Gimme six packets of hefroot, four
queeks, a bottle of flib liquor, and
a spatula.

CORDELIA
(troubled)
Um, Vakma, is it? Earlier, that girl
in the barn--

VAKMA
(sharp)
Shut up, cow. Trensiduf of the
Gathwok Clan was right. You
talk too much. And you're about
to spill my viper's milk.

CORDELIA
( a little 'tude)
Well, sorry, but if I wasn't carrying
every--

Suddenly Cor feels a little woozy. A little familiarly woozy.

CORDELIA
Oh no.

VAKMA
Stand up straight, cow! That milk's
worth more than you are.

CORDELIA
Oh nooooo--

WHAM! Cordy is hit with a vision. She shrieks, drops all the packages, sinks to her knees in the dirt.

VAKMA
Bad cow! Bad!

INSERT: In Cordyvision, a Drokken rips apart a villager. We get a flash of trees, a flash of the color yellow.

CORDELIA
A Drokken... it's attacking one of
your villagers... near the forest...
by a big yellow rock...

BACK ON COR -- as she clutches her head. A beat, then, dazed:

CORDELIA
Isn't anyone gonna ask if I'm okay?

But then she looks up and realizes -- Vakma is backing away from her, horrified. So is the Vendor. Matter of fact, all the townspeople who happen to be nearby are looking at Cor like she's got the plague. A long beat, and then--

VAKMA
(screaming)
CURSED! MY COW IS CURSED!

CORDELIA
No, wait -- it's not a curse. This
villager -- you have to go save him,
or the Drokken will--

But now other voices blend in, screaming, "Cursed! The curse! The cow is cursed!" Big burly guys show up with pitchforks, surrounding Cor and glaring. Off Cor--

EXT. PARAMOUNT STUDIOS - NIGHT

HOST (O.S.)
Here... stop here!

ANGEL'S CAR rolls into frame. Stops. Angel's driving, Wesley in the passenger seat, the Host in the back seat.

ANGEL
(looking at the studio)
Here? Isn't this a movie studio?

The Host stares off nervously into the empty street, seeing something that's not there yet.

HOST
Makes a certain kinda sense, no?
Anyway, this is where Aggie said
it was -- and Aggie's never wrong
when it comes to hot spots. She
was doing SkyBar way before
Brad and Jennifer.
(to Wes)
You got the book?

Wesley holds it up, shows it to him.

HOST
Good. Hold that puppy tight, okay?
Bad enough I gotta cross over. Last
thing I wanna do is be stuck on the
other side, waiting for a mystical
locksmith.

WESLEY
All right, then. I suppose we should
probably begin--

Wes opens the book.

ANGEL
Should I... I don't know, put the
top up?

Wesley glances around the car, slightly unsure.

WESELY
Shouldn't be necessary. If I'm right,
then we only require a metal enclosure
on four sides to ensure that we travel
through the portal together. The car,
top up or down, should do it. I'm
almost positive.

ANGEL
(beat)
"Almost".

WESLEY
(firm)
Ninety-six percent.
(beat)
Well, it's not like I've ever done
this before. And with the time
factor, I'm under a great deal of
pressure and--

GUNN (O.S.)
Ah, suck it up, English.

REVEAL -- Gunn, walking up the sidewalk from behind them.

WESLEY
Gunn. How did you..?

Gunn and Angel meet eyes. A silent look between them says much.

GUNN
Got a phone message. Sounded like
the captain of the Titanic gettin'
ready to go down with the ship.

Wesley glances at Angel.

ANGEL
(to Wesley)
I just thought... someone on this
side should at least have the
details, you know... in case.

HOST
(moving to get out)
A back-up man! Terrific idea. Well,
now that he's going, someone else
will have to stay here, mind the
store. Don't worry, I'm not
disappointed. Bring me back
something...

ANGEL, WES, AND GUNN
Shut up.

Gunn puts a hand on the Host's shoulder forcing him back into his seat as he climbs aboard.

WESLEY
Everyone set?
(mostly to Gunn)
If you've any unfinished business
that you feel... well...

GUNN
All I got is business that's
unfinished. Let's get a move on.

WESLEY
Right. Here goes.

Wesley finds the passage in the book. Begins to read.

WESELY
"Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt
dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt"!

The PORTAL begins to appear (CGI) on the street.

GUNN
(awed)
Cool.

They all stare, transfixed for a beat. Then:

ANGEL
Ninety-six percent, huh?

WESLEY
Give or take.

Without any of them taking their eyes off the shimmering portal, they all reach for their seat belts, click them into place.

ANGEL
Okay, gentlemen -- take a good
look around.
(they do)
Now say goodbye.

With that, Angel revs the engine, hits the gas, and ROARS off into the portal. They disappear -- the portal winks out -- we hold for a moment--

--then the BOOK hits the asphalt, smoking.

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

Continue on to Part Two

Over the Rainbow

Part 2

March 15, 2001 (Pink)

Written by: Mere Smith

Act Three

EXT. THE WOODS OF PYLEA - DAY

BOOM! The car comes roaring through the portal, kicking up dirt. Angel slams on the brakes, scrambling--

ANGEL
The sun! Daylight! Quick, somebody
hand me a blanket -- hand me a blanket
or I'll catch on fire!
(beat, realizing)
Why am I not on fire?

GUNN
(looking behind him)
Yo, that was phat.

WESLEY
(looking at Angel)
Well, it is another dimension--
perhaps their sun--

HOST
Back up, Copernicus. That's suns.
Plural.

He points up. They all look up to see the TWO RED SUNS in the sky (CGI shot).

WESLEY
Suns, yes -- perhaps they don't have
the same effect on vampires.

He leans over, curious, pokes Angel.

ANGEL
Hey! Watch it!

WESLEY
Fascinating.

GUNN
Did y'all see the street do that
bendy thing?

ANGEL
(to Host)
So we made it then. This is
your world?

The Host looks around, and now we get a good shot of where they've landed: in the woods. Same animal CHITTERING noises we heard from before.

HOST
Ah, yes. Home sweet hell.

ANGEL
And I'm not on fire.

WESLEY
(pleased)
And we're all together, too. We
didn't even merge into a freakish
four-man Siamese twin!

GUNN
That was a risk? How come nobody
told me that was a risk?

ANGEL
Can everybody just notice how much
fire I'm not on?

HOST
(getting out)
Yes, it's a beautiful day in the
neighborhood, all right. Now
may I suggest that we find some
way to hide the car? It'll be a
little conspicuous, seeing as
how we don't have convertibles
in this world. Or, you know, cars.

They all get out, take a look around.

GUNN
Wonder if this is where Cordy
came through.

WESLEY
Could be.

ANGEL
Let's start gathering branches,
brush, anything that'll cover the
car. Hey, look, there's some over
in that patch of sun. I'll get 'em.

Wes and Gunn exchange a look, amused.

GUNN
I'll give it to you, trippin' to an
alternate universe? Pretty damn
cool -- but I wanna find Cordy quick.

HOST
(vehement)
Me, too.
(beat)
I mean, for her sake, of course. If
I know Pylea, she could probably
use a friend right about now.

INT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - PRIESTS' CAVE - DAY

SLAM! Cordy is tossed onto the floor. She rolls over, looks up, and we see the space--

Dark and scary here, a couple TORCHES burning, VILLAGERS packed around the room, Cor in the middle. As she slowly gets to her feet--

CORDELIA
Um, I'd just like to say, I don't
know anything about a curse, okay?
I just have these visions that--

At "visions", the crowd utters a low GASP. Cor reacts.

CORDELIA
I don't get them very often--

Just then the Constable steps out of the crowd.

CONSTABLE
We found the body by Dester's Rock.
A Drokken beast had fed on his flesh.

CORDELIA
(nervous)
Oh God, it's you. Look, I'm really
sorry about that. Honest. But I
didn't make it happen. I just
saw it--

CONSTABLE
Before it had come to pass.

CORDELIA
(relieved: he gets it)
Exactly.

CONSTABLE
It is the curse.

The crowd beings MURMURING LOUDLY.

CORDELIA
No! No curse! Just visions!

The crowd murmur grows even LOUDER.

CORDELIA
They're not dangerous! I use them
to help people--

VOICE (O.S.)
ENOUGH!

The crowd goes silent, makes way for a tall, crimson-robed priest, who approaches Cor. This is SILAS, a demon.

SILAS
We must discover, beyond all doubt,
if the girl is cursed with the sight.
(beat)
We will commence the tests.

CORDELIA
Test? But I haven't studied.

Just then, two more PRIESTS IN ROBES grab Cor by the arms.

CORDELIA
(frightened)
Not much with the humor, are you guys?

SILAS
Bring forth the instruments.

A small table is wheeled forward, on it lots of rusty-looking pointy ouchy things. (That specific enough for you, Courtney?) Cor's eyes go huge.

CORDELIA
Oh, no, please. Please, I'll keep
them to myself. I'll never mention
them again--

Silas picks up a pointy ouchy thing which glows BRIGHT RED at the tip, nears Cor. He leans into her, speaks low--

SILAS
Now we shall see if you are truly
cursed, my child. I pray you are not.

As he moves the pointy ouchy toward her... off Cor--

EXT. THE WOODS OF PYLEA - DAY

The boys have pushed the car behind something, and covered the exposed part with branches and things. As Angel heaves a last load of branches on top of the car--

ANGEL
This should do it. We ready?

HOST
Yeah. Think we're only a couple
miles from town, but we'll have to
walk it.

ANGEL
No problem here. Walkin' in the sun.
Do it all the time.

WESLEY
Yes, we're all heartily aware that
you're not on fire. Shall we go?

The Host starts walking, Wes and Gunn start following him.

WESLEY
(calling back)
Don't forget the book.

Angel stops dead in his tracks. After a beat, Wes turns--

WESLEY
What's wrong?

ANGEL
I just don't think that's funny.

WESLEY
I wasn't trying to b--
(beat)
What?

ANGEL
Wesley, I don't have the book.

HOST
(whirling)
What?

ANGEL
(to Wes)
You had the book.

WESLEY
I don't have the book!

GUNN
Who had the book?

WESLEY Angel! (beat) No I didn't. (beat) Yes you did.

ANGEL Wesley! (beat) No I didn't (beat) Yes you did.

HOST
WHOA! HO, HO, HO, WHOA!
(as to a child)
Did we look in the car?

ANGEL
There's nothing in there. I checked
before we started hiding it, to make
sure we didn't leave anything.

HOST
Oh, like, say... the book?

WESLEY
(thinking)
Hold on. The book was in the car,
we know that much... but perhaps...
perhaps its only function is to open
portals TO Pylea, in which case it
would be useless IN Pylea, and
therefore...
(realizing)
...it most likely exists only in our
own dimension.

HOST
You know, ordinarily I take bad news
really well. I'd just drown my sorrows
in an ice cold gin and tonic with a little
squeeze of lime EXCEPT THEY DON'T
HAVE THEM HERE!

ANGEL
You guys. We'll work out another way
to get back. We will. But right now
we gotta find Cordy. That's why
we're here, right? She needs us.

INT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - PRIESTS' CAVE - DAY

And she certainly does. Cor is crumpled into a little ball on the floor. Sweaty, pale, tear-streaks on her face, maybe a little sniffling. A few feet away, Silas and a few priests are conferring. After a moment, Silas steps forward, announces--

SILAS
The tests are complete. It is the
unanimous decision of the Covenant
that the girl... is afflicted. She carries
the curse of the sight.

LOUD MURMURING NOW... almost an eruption. Silas nods to a PRIEST, who picks Cordy up like a rag doll. This Priest makes his way through the crowd of villagers, who shrink back from Cor, avert their eyes -- as though fearing contagion. Silas follows behind, somber.

EXT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - AN ALLEY - DAY

The Host leads the group as they sneak into a secluded alley.

HOST
Just remember, keep your heads down.
Xenophobia kind of a watchword where
I'm from.

GUNN
I don't get it. Why are they afraid
of Xena? I think she's kinda fly.

WESLEY
Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners.

GUNN
Oh. Then can we pretend I didn't
just say that?

HOST
Now, right over there is Blix's
house -- a boyhood chum of mine.
Ah, we were the best of buds, always
playing games, watching out for each
other, close as a Torto demon and
its parasite.
(off their looks)
I'll make the approach. You three
stay here -- we gotta keep a low profile.

ANGEL
Why?

HOST
Because otherwise they might beat us
to death with sticks. I'll be back.

The Host leaves. We watch him walk across the square, heading for a house. When he gets there, he enters. A tense beat. The he comes FLYING out of the house, as BLIX, a Host-type demon, emerges on his heels, carrying an axe, shouting:

BLIX
TRAITOR! DESERTER! BETRAYER!

And Blix's shouts are drawing a CROWD of VILLAGERS, all gathering and staring at our guys. As the HOST reaches them:

HOST
We should run now.

They take off, being chased by a MOB of Villagers with axes, pitchforks, and large bludgeoning tools.

CUT TO:

EXT. PYLEA VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

Angel and the rest of the gang run into the village square. The Host stops, looks around. Angel, still in run-mode:

ANGEL
What now?
(to Host)
Hey! Where do we go now?

HOST
Probably to the nearest dungeon.
(beat)
We're surrounded.

And it's true -- Villagers are swarming in from all sides, every egress blocked. Off our guys, oh shit--

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT THREE

Act Four

EXT. PYLEA VILLAGE SQUARE - DAY

Right where we left off. Our guys surrounded by an angry mob of villagers screaming things like, "TRAITOR!", "KILL THEM!", and "KILL THEM ALL!". Wes tries to rally the troops--

WESLEY
We've been through a lot together,
fellows, fought a lot of battles,
faced some pretty steep odds--

Gunn, who's been eyeing the crowd, turns to Angel.

GUNN
I'll take the twenty on the left.
You take the fifty on the right.

ANGEL
'K.

And suddenly all hell breaks loose. Our boys clash with the Villagers, many punches and kicks are thrown, wooden things break, a Villager gets a pitchfork in the thigh...

And at the height of the battle, Wes calls out, triumphant--

WESLEY
I think we're winning!

SMASH TIME CUT TO:

All four of our guys tied up in the mud (ankles hobbled, wrists bound), surrounded by villagers. Just then A CHARIOT pulls up, and the Constable exits, moves to our guys.

CONSTABLE
Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan.

HOST
Constable Narwek. Lovely to see you again.
(pleasantly)
So how've you been?

CONSTABLE
Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan,
you have returned. Why?

HOST
Actually, I've been asking myself
that very same question...

CONSTABLE
Who are these cow scum? You are all
dressed very strangely.

HOST
They're not cows, they're humans,
and they're my friends.

The Constable looks them over, nods to VILLAGER. Villager yanks the Host to his feet. The Constable gets in his face--

CONSTABLE
Cows are not friends. They are
creatures of labor, beasts of burden,
no more. I do not know where you
have been, Krevlornswath of the
Deathwok Clan, but it is clear you
have abandoned the teachings of
your people.
(beat, to Villager)
Take him away. We will begin the
interrogation immediately.

The Villager leads The Host away.

ANGEL
Wait! You can't do this!

The Constable walks over to Angel.

CONSTABLE
You dare use your tongue in
my presence?

He KICKS Angel in the stomach.

CONSTABLE
Unworthy trash.

The Constable turns, signals to the Villagers, and various Villagers pull the boys to their feet.

CONSTABLE
For the crime of assault against
those judged to be your betters,
you are to be detained in the
dungeon until our royal highness
passes sentence upon you.

GUNN
(under his breath)
I'm guessin' community service is out.

WHAM! The Constable punches Gunn in the face. The Villagers have to struggle to keep him upright. Gunn eyeballs him--

GUNN
(fuck you)
Too bad. I really like those
orange vests.

WHAM! The Constable slugs him in the face again.

WESLEY
Gunn! Stop!

The Constable moves to Wes, gets right up close. Wes doesn't give him the evil eye, but he doesn't back down, either.

CONSTABLE
Put these things away.

As Angel, Wes, and Gunn are carted off.

INT. VILLAGE OF PYLEA - PRIEST'S CAVE - DAY

Stone walls, low light from a few TORCHES. A STONE TABLE with various runic symbols etched into it. Six PRIESTS, including Silas, sit around it.

SILAS
The time has come, brethren. She is
indeed cursed with the sight. We
must take measures.
(then)
Blood must be spilled.

INT. DUNGEON - DAY

CLOSE ON GUNN -- as his face contorts, teeth clenched, and he lets out a yell of pain: "ARRRRGGGHHH!" POP WIDE to REVEAL -- Gunn trying to pry the SHACKLES off his ankle.

All the boys are shackled, as a matter of fact -- wrist and leg restraints. Angel stands by the door, going over it from top to bottom, looking for a way out. Wes is searching the walls for an opening. Gunn gives up on the shackle.

GUNN
No use. Things are made outta some
kinda magical alloy.

WESLEY
Really? How can you tell?

GUNN
I can't. I'm just making myself
feel better.

WESLEY
Oh.

Gunn gets up, joins Wes examining the walls. A beat.

WESLEY
Bangers and mash.

Gunn looks at him, skeptical.

GUNN
That one of them bizarre English
cuss words?

WESLEY
No. It's what would make me feel
better. A humongous serving of
bangers and mash. Heavy on the
gravy, and a nice, thick black and
tan. I'm starving.

GUNN
I hear that. 'Cept make it a quarter
pounder with cheese -- no, two
quarter pounders with cheese, a
large fries, and a big-ass Coke.

A pause. Wes and Gunn look at Angel. He glances back--

ANGEL
You really don't want me to play
this game.

WESLEY
Have you found anything yet?

ANGEL
(shaking his head)
Sealed up tight. Gotta be six, seven
inches thick, at least. You?

WESLEY
No. These impenetrable stone walls
are turning out to be rather--

GUNN
You say "impenetrable" and I will
kick your ass.

A beat. They keep looking.

WESLEY
I used to be horrified by those
stories about the Tower of London.

ANGEL
(shrugging)
Wasn't that bad.

WESLEY
Yes, well, compared to this place,
I'm sure the Tower takes on a
certain nostalgic glow.
(then)
I wonder if they're treating the
Host any better.

GUNN
Oh, sure. The way that constable
said "interrogation", I figure he's
just in for a little light wrist-
slappin'. That, or he's dead.

ANGEL
Shut up.

GUNN
Hey, I'm not sayin' it's not
wristslappin'--

ANGEL
No, shut up.

Angel presses his ear to the door, listens. Wes and Gunn move to the door, try to listen. Gunn whispers--

GUNN
How we supposed to hear anything
if the door's six inches thick?

Angel looks: "SHUT UP". Gunn looks: "Sorry". A moment.

ANGEL
I can hear two men in the hall.

Gunn shoots a look at Wes -- "How's he doin' that?"

WESLEY
(whispered)
Vampire.

ANGEL
They're talking about a girl
with visions--

GUNN
Cordy.

ANGEL
A Covenant... a curse... something
about testing the girl for the sight--
(beat)
They say she screamed.

WESLEY
Those bastards.

Angel holds a hand up. Listens--

ANGEL
They're about to take us to a castle.
We're going to be sentenced.
(beat)
They're coming.

All three of them dart away from the door. A beat later, the door swings open to reveal an IMPERIAL GUARD. ON THE BOYS, we hear (O.S.): "Out. Now." As the boys shuffle to the door--

ANGEL
(to Wes and Gun, low)
Be ready.

EXT. CASTLE - DAY

A beautiful CGI shot of a cool-lookin' castle.

INT. CASTLE - ANTECHAMBER - DAY

Angel, Wes, and Gunn shuffle in, accompanied by FOUR IMPERIAL GUARDS, to see the Host already there, his wrists (not his legs) shackled. The Imperial Guards move to a pair of LARGE OAKEN DOORS, stand by them.

HOST
Oh, am I glad to see you. And so
much less dead than I expected.

ANGEL
What'd they do to you?

HOST
Well, first there was the welcome
home parade thrown in my honor--
tickertape, streamers -- honestly,
I was so touched, I almost wept.
(off their looks)
Locked me in a room, pushed me
around, asked a bunch of questions--
your standard film noir.

ANGEL
I think we might have a lead on Cordy.

HOST
(hopeful)
You found her?

Angel gestures, "Come over this way a little bit". All four of them huddle together, throwing glances at the Guards.

ANGEL
No. But I overheard two guys talking
about a girl with visions. Said she
was cursed.

HOST
Yikes. I don't like the sound of that.

ANGEL
They mentioned something about a
Covenant, that they performed some
kind of test on her.

WESLEY
Angel, I hate to state the obvious,
but we've got to get out of here.

CONSTABLE (O.S.)
Silence!

The Constable has entered. The boys straighten up, face him as he approaches.

CONSTABLE
Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan,
you and the cow trash are not to speak.

HOST
Ah, debunch your panties, Narwek.
We weren't "speaking", we were
just kvetching.

CONSTABLE
(suspicious)
Kah-vetching? What is this?

The Host opens his mouth, then thinks better of it.

HOST
Forget it.

CONSTABLE
I must admit, I am impressed by your
optimism, Krevlornswath of the Deathwok
Clan. I never imagined you, of all people,
would face your death with dignity.

HOST
Right. Except about that "death" thing--

CONSTABLE
You are a traitor to your home. You
abandoned your life-giver, betrayed
your people, and now you consort with
these... animals.
(then)
I will take great pleasure in
watching them kill you slowly.

The Constable walks over to the Imperial Guards, starts whispering to them in a low murmur.

ANGEL
(sotto, to Host)
Will they take us in separately
or together?

HOST
What?

ANGEL
Separately or together? We don't
have much time!

HOST
I don't know, I've never been
sentenced to death before -- together?

ANGEL
Then listen up.

ANGLE BACK ON the Constable, as he finishes talking to the Guards:

CONSTABLE
--after that, drag the bodies to the
village square. We will hang their
corpses there as a warning.

Then the Constable turns, speaks to the boys--

CONSTABLE
Prisoners! The day of your judgement
has arrived. Approach!

The boys all shuffle up to the oaken doors.

CONSTABLE
The Venerable Monarch of Pylea,
General of the Ravenous Legion,
Eater of Our Enemy's Flesh, Prelate
of the Sacrificial Blood Rites, Sovereign
Proconsul of Death, is prepared to pass
sentence on upon you.

ANGLE ON ANGEL, as he whispers--

ANGEL
One...

CONSTABLE
(to Guards)
Open the doors!

The doors start to creak open inwardly (away from us)--

ANGEL
Two...

The Guards grab the boys' arms, start leading them forward, but as soon as they cross the threshold--

INT. CASTLE - ROYAL CHAMBER - DAY

ANGEL
Three!

Gunn HEADBUTTS the Guard who's got his arm. The Host turns, kicks the Constable in the NUTS. Wes steals a Guard's KEYS, as Angel swings his shackled wrists UP, WHAM, into the other Guard's face, then grabs his SWORD, whirling around to face the inevitable onslaught.

As we do a RAPID, DRAMATIC PUSH-IN of our guys, a big hero moment, their faces go blank as--

OUR GUYS' POV -- Cordy sitting on a throne, dressed in the finest silks, surrounded by courtiers. She grins, waves:

CORDELIA
Hi, guys!

BLACK OUT.

THE END