Happy Anniversary

Part 1

(December 7, 2000)

Story by: Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt
Teleplay by: David Greenwalt

Teaser

EXT. THE CITY - NIGHT - STOCK - ESTABLISH

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - NIGHT

WIDE - That great big empty lobby. It's probably too dark to notice how cluttered and dusty it's all become (unopened mail, newspapers, etc.)

FULL FIGURE - Someone moves in the garden. Angel wanders in from the garden in his long coat. He's been out walking.

OTHER ANGLES - Angel moves aimlessly around the lobby, the point here is to emphasize his aloneness, the current emptiness in his life.

CLOSER - ANGEL wanders to the bookshelf. Pulls down a novel, glances at it, puts it back. Scans the shelf for something that might interest him. Nothing does. He moves on.

FROM THE BALCONY - He's a small figure wandering in that big space; finally he heads up the stairs.

CAMERA DOLLIES on the balcony, meeting Angel as he gets to the top of the stairs, growing into a C.U. He's in his own world.

CAMERA WATCHES as he walks down the long hallway and disappears, just as alone as anyone else in the world.

INT. OFFICE - NIGHT

A utilitarian office, blank and dingy. A phone sits on the single otherwise-bare desk. A very dead hanging plant dangles from a wire from the ceiling, old file folders are piled in corners. CORDELIA and WESLEY kneel, tossing the abandoned files into big trash bags.

WESLEY
(re: files)
When they went out of business, they
just left these here?

CORDELIA
Yep. Also the desk. We'll share!

WESLEY
And when we go out of business, we
leave our stuff for the next guy to
clean up?

CORDELIA
Hey, hey, negative energy boy! With
all our money pooled together, we can
keep this place a long time.

WESLEY
Twenty minutes?

CORDELIA
At least.

WESLEY
"Angel Investigations" without the
Angel. You think we can do it?

CORDELIA
Well, we better. I mean, what else can
we do? And I still have the visions, so
that'll keep us busy sometimes.

WESLEY
We're going to need more than that.
A steady outside clientele.

CORDELIA
It'll happen. This is our future, you
know, and personally, I think it's
pretty bright.

She stands up and bumps her head on the dead hanging plant.

CORDELIA (cont'd)
Ow. Dead plant. Not symbolizing
our future. Really.

GUN enters, carrying a small stack of flyers.

GUNN
Okay, everyone parked within ten blocks
has a flyer on their windshield. We just
slightly irritated almost a hundred people.
Does it smell funky in here?

CORDELIA
It'll air out. And good job with the
flyers. Now we can sit back and let
the calls roll in.

Gunn picks up the phone receiver.

GUNN
They better roll in through a bull
horn. We got no dial tone.

Cordy grabs the receiver from him, listens.

CORDELIA
What?!

WESLEY
Perhaps it's the wires.

GUNN
(noticing)
One desk. Are we sharing?

Wesley gets on his knees by the baseboards, fiddling with a clump of wires. Cordy slams down the receiver.

CORDELIA
They said it would be on by now!

Wesley has followed the wires under the desk.

WESLEY (O.S.)
(muffled)
Aha! Things looking up! I think I
found the right wire!

The lights go out. Total darkness.

GUNN (V.O.)
I'm so glad I met you guys. Really,
it's entertaining.

EXT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - NIGHT - STOCK - ESTABLISH

INT. ANGEL'S ROOM - NIGHT

CAMERA MOVES THROUGH the darkened room, finds Angel's back, creeps around to a profile. He's staring out the window into the night. Hold for a long beat…

DISSOLVE TO:

ANGEL - opens his little "office-size" fridge, stares in at the contents: a few containers of blood and nothing else. After a beat he closes the door. Not hungry.

DISSOLVE TO:

ANGEL - sits in a chair, reading. He glances at the window. The light is starting to change, the sun beginning to rise. He closes the book, gets up, shuts the curtains against the coming light.

INT. ANGEL'S ROOM - BEDROOM - MORNING

Angel climbs into bed, stares at the ceiling. Hold.

DISSOLVE TO:

SAME SCENE - LATER - DAY

Angel is finally asleep. In the distance we HEAR someone singing "Oh say can you see/ by the dawn's early light…" Angel's eyes open. He hears the singing. He sits up.

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - LOBBY - DAY

The singing is much louder now: "gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there…" Angel appears on the balcony, having thrown on a t-shirt and pants. He looks down:

ANGEL'S POV - THE HOST

Stands alone in the lobby singing our national anthem. (NOTE: the lobby should look unkempt, newspapers and mail strewn about, dusty, etc.)

HOST
(sings)
Oh say does that star-spangled banner
yet wave/ o'r the land of the free/ and
the home of the brave.

Angel descends the stairs.

HOST (cont'd)
Hey, big Fellah! You gotta be all the
time singing in here, am I right?
Come on - with these acoustics?
(sings:)
"And the rockets' red glare!" Hear
that resonance?

ANGEL
What I hear - and maybe, hopefully,
I'm still dreaming - is the Star
Spangled Banner being belted out by
a loud green demon.

THE HOST
We're all brothers under the skin,
mi amigo.
(points to face)
Although this garden hue and the
horns have kept me out of some key
public performances - just once I'd
love to ring in a Lakers game with our
national anthem. Is that too much to ask?

ANGEL
Yes. Is there a reason you're here?

HOST
There is. What's today, Thursday?
(more seriously)
Tomorrow night the world's going to
end. Thought you might want to know.

END OF TEASER

Act One

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - DAY

Moments later. Angel stares at the Host.

ANGEL
The world's going to end?

HOST
Brings you right down, don't it? Oh
and don't feel a need to offer your
guest a frothy cappuccino or a hot
cinnamon roll.

ANGEL
I don't.

HOST
(studies Angel, then:)
Man, you just get darker and darker,
and the weird thing is, your aura? Beige.

ANGEL
I don't have coffee.

HOST
(runs finger along dusty desk or table)
… or a duster, buster. I don't know why you
fired those three plucky kids, they were
good company, not to mention: Cordelia:
hot-o-rama. In the "oh my sizzling loins"
sense of the word if you know what I mean.
And that British boy - he's gonna be
playin' a huge… Well.

ANGEL
Are you going to get to the world
ending or just chat until it does?

HOST
All right, all right - although my buoyant
good will falling on your deaf ears is
something we'll need to look at in the
future - the world ending, it's kind of a
funny story.

CAMERA PUSHES IN ON HOST.

HOST (cont'd)
I'm at the club last night, fairly
typical Wednesday crowd…

FLASHBACK TO:

INT. CARITAS - PREVIOUS NIGHT

The Host is at the bar, the BARTENDER is mixing a SeaBreeze for the Host.

HOST (V.O.)
A Torto demon and his parasite were
murdering the Everly Brothers…

ANGLE - STAGE

The TORTO DEMON, a big ugly thing and his PARASITE (a squishy ugly neckless puppet head that grows out of his chest a la Alien) sing:

TORTO
(sings:)
Bye bye love, bye bye happiness -

PUPPET PARASITE
-- hello loneliness, I think I'm a
gonna cry-y…

TORTO & PARASITE
Bye bye my love, good bye -

HOST (V.O.)
Which is nothing compared to what
Elian had done to my SeaBreeze.

The bartender sets the drink on the bar. The Host, watching the singers, picks it up and absently sips it, makes a face, turns to Elian.

HOST
Is this a difficult concept, were we
absent the day they taught SeaBreeze
at bartender school?

Bartender looks uncertain.

HOST (cont'd)
Vodka, cranberry and fresh grapefruit
juice. Which requires a real live
grapefuit - one you must cut and
squeeze, not pour FROM A CAN!

HOST (V.O.)
The man is such a moron, Angel, you
have no idea how I'm suffering since
Ramone left.

ANGEL (V.O.)
Oh I have an idea -

HARD CUT:

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - DAY

ANGEL
-- can you get to the point already?

HOST
Yes I can, if you'll let me get a word
in edgewise here, Mr. Get-To-The-
Pointy-Pants.
(tiny beat)
So this guy I've never seen before gets
up to sing - usually I love it. They
sing - I read their futures, their auras -
I see into their souls.

ANGEL
(impatiently)
So this Guy -

INT. CARITAS - PREVIOUS NIGHT

GENE RAINY moves to the stage. He is an unassuming graduate student in his mid to late twenties.

HOST (V.O.)
The thing that was remarkable about
him was that there was absolutely nothing
remarkable about him… just your average
Joe about to mangle a tune and bore me with
some bland vision of his bland future.

Gene picks up the mic.

GENE
This is a song that… I like because,
uh… it's…

Gene runs out of words, stands there awkwardly, the music begins.

GENE (cont'd)
(sings:)
When I was young, I never needed
anyone/ And making love was just
for fun…

The Host watches as Gene sings.

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - DAY

HOST
But when he started singing… Man,
he knocked me out.

ANGEL
He was good.

HOST
No, Angel face, he knocked me out.

INT. CARITAS - PREVIOUS NIGHT

GENE
(sings)
When I dial the telephone/ Nobody's
home… All by myself, don't want to
be, all by myself, anymore…

The Host watches Gene, transfixed. Eyes widen, and he staggers, hand to his head. Suddenly grimacing.

GENE (cont'd)
(sings)
All by myself, don't want to live,
all by myself…

Host passes out, hits floor. (No ratchet gag.)

INT. ANGEL'S HOTEL - DAY

Angel and the Host.

HOST
When I came to, he was gone.

ANGEL
He didn't want to hear what you saw
in him?

HOST
Nope-ah.

ANGEL
So what knocked you out?

HOST
I looked into this guy and I saw… he
has no future after ten o'clock tomorrow
night - and neither does anyone else.

ANGEL
Let's say I believe you.

HOST
Oh, honey, let's say a lot more than
that - we've gotta find this guy! This
is the big blackout we're talkin' about
-- he's gonna do something between now
and tomorrow night. I don't know what,
but it's gonna cancel everybody's summer
plans. We've got to find him and stop him.

ANGEL
Why'd you come to me?

HOST
Isn't it obvious? You're a champion, a
unique force for good in a troubled
world -
(off Angel's skeptical look)
-- also the other champions I know are
currently out of town or dead. Why, you
don't want to work with me? Is this
because I sent you on a couple of
missions that turned out to be…

ANGEL
Pointless and deadly?

HOST
(small:)
As for example.
(then:)
But I sent you on those missions in
good faith and we interrupt this broadcast
to inform you: world ending! Kind of an
emergency situation here, you might
want to get on board.

Beat.

ANGEL
Why'd this guy leave the club before
you had a chance to tell him what you
saw?

HOST
People get scared, they come for a reading
and then they don't want to know.
especially when the psychic faints, and…
teeny bit of vomit… let's not dwell.

ANGEL
If he came for a reading.
(beat)
Maybe he's just a guy who likes to sing
Karaoke… maybe he doesn't know
anything about you. I didn't first time
I came.

HOST
That'd make more sense. So what we
should do is start with the other local
karaoke bars, see if we can get a lead
on him - you know, if you're not too
busy getting' lawyers killed and settin'
girls on fire.

Off Angel glaring at him,

EXT. UNIVERSITY - DAY - ESTABLISHING

INT. PHYSICS LAB - DAY

The lab is divided into two parts, an INNER LAB, full of Gene's equipment, separated from the OUTER LAB via large windows in the dividing wall and a door that locks.

In the INNER LAB we find GENE RAINY, an unassuming graduate T.A. in physics. He is a genius in his field, and there is something very lonely about him. He is deep in thought. In fact he is standing stock still, frozen, as CAMERA circles him like we will circle his frozen time bubbles later in the story.

In his lab are accelerators, a so-called bubble chamber, a large dry erase board with mathematical formulas on it, big-ass computer and other high tech physics equipment. As CAMERA comes to rest, we see that he is alone in his lab. In the outer lab are other GRAD STUDENTS working with various equipment, among them a sassy girl named VAL and a wanna-be genius named MIKE.

IN THE OUTER LAB

Mike looks up from his work, sees Val staring at Gene in the adjoining room.

MIKE
Somebody forgot to wind Time Boy.

VAL
He's thinking. Something you ought
to try.

MIKE
Very funny. You know, he's really not
that much smarter than the rest of us.

VAL
I guess that's why his work on the time
paradox earned Professor Orfala a Nobel
nomination and your work on carpet mold
was promptly forgotten by everyone.

MIKE
You know what you are?

VAL
Yes I do, Mike, and if you say it I'll
put your face in liquid nitrogen.

Val moves to the window dividing the labs. Knocks on it. Gene turns, Val points to door. Gene unlocks door, lets her in.

VAL (cont'd)
Hey. What's the good word?

GENE
Entanglement.

VAL
How's that again?

GENE
In Newton's world, space and time are
separate entities - in Einstein's they're
entwined…

VAL
Einstein's entwined, can you say that
ten times really fast?

GENE
Now, how is it that altering one
particle of an entangled pair causes
the other particle to be affected without
any communication between the two?

VAL
Because space and time are one.

GENE
So how do you separate an entwined
pair? You don't, you can't, in fact
you shouldn't try.

VAL
I never do.

Gene erases a few of the math formulas on the dry erase board, replacing them effortlessly with new ones as:

GENE
What you should do is carve out one
quantum instant at a time.

VAL
Look, I like the theory of freezing time
as much as the next Star Trek nerd but
you've put a couple of years into it now
with no measurable results and people
are beginning to talk.

GENE
It's not freezing time - although that's
what it would look like to an outside
observer. I'm talking about removing an
infinitesimal space/time aggregate from
all that surrounds it.

VAL
A tiny event horizon.

GENE
Sort of. And then growing that event
into something measurable and controllable
by simultaneously broadening and
controlling the accelerated field around it.
Your dog and his favorite bone preserved
forever in his own impenetrable bubble.

VAL
And who's gonna clean up that bubble?

Gene walks past some of his machinery: two particle accelerators pointed at two mirrors - tubes running above the mirrors.

GENE
(glances at board)
If I can only get the math right, I
should be able to prove it by
generating a focal point with the
accelerator's beam here…

He indicates an imaginary space between the mirrors.

GENE (cont'd)
…and passing liquid mercury through
that point…

He indicates the two tubes.

VAL
(getting it)
…suspending the mercury, snatching it
right out of our space/time continuum
and freezing the moment…

GENE
…forever.

DENISE, Gene's nice grad student girl friend, enters. There's a little tension between Gene and Denise, things aren't all that peachy between them.

VAL
Denise, thank God you got here, your
boyfriend was coming on to me with
the old Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen
correlation.

DENISE
That's what got me - out of physics
and into theater.

GENE
Hi sweetie.

DENISE
Hi.

GENE
How are you?

DENISE
Good. You?

GENE
Good. So, what's new?

Denise shrugs: nothing much.

GENE (cont'd)
I guess we're on for tomorrow night?

DENISE
Uh huh, we are.

GENE
Big night.

DENISE
Yeah. One year anniversary and all…

GENE
I've got everything in motion. Making
your favorite, fusilli with the chicken
and asparagus.

DENISE
I'm sure lucky.

GENE
I'm the lucky one.

VAL
I'll just be havin' a burrito, don't
anyone worry about me.

DENISE
(to Val)
Well, we should…

GENE
You guys takin' off?

DENISE
Yeah.

GENE
Okay then, I guess I'll see you
Tomorrow…

He moves to Denise, they exchange a slightly awkward kiss, then:

DENISE
Don't work all night.

VAL
You know he will.

As the women move off:

GENE
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
(then, to himself:)
I'm a walking cliché, isn't that nice.

INT. KARAOKE BAR - NIGHT

Angel and the Host enter. The place is a dive - maybe six tables, dingy lighting, floor hasn't been cleaned in months.

ANGEL
(observing the yuck)
Nice.

HOST
Oh, it's not that bad - nothing a
couple bottles of Lysol can't cure.
(beat)
Or some kerosene.

They note the GUY singing on stage: "Greensleeves."

GUY, ON STAGE
Alas, my love, you do me wrong -

HOST
(watching the guy)
Interesting choice. Too bad about the
Cuisinart tomorrow. You know, if we
stop the world from ending, the scar
won't even be that noticeable.

Angel just looks at him. The Host sees this.

HOST (cont'd)
Sorry - occupational hazard.

ANGEL
Is he here?

The Host scans the room, shakes his head.

HOST
Nope.

ANGEL
(sighs)
Seventeen karaoke bars. I need to lie
down and… scrub out the inside of my
head.

HOST
Well, maybe we're wrong. Sniffin' a
cold trail.

BARTENDER (O.S.)
Don't get your kind much.

Angel and the Host turn to find the BARTENDER standing behind them. Bartender is late 40's, big and fat and unkempt.

HOST
Excuse me?

BARTENDER
Demons. We get a couple now and then,
But they're usually vampires, passin'
for human.

The Host raises an eyebrow at Angel, then faces the Bartender.

HOST
Well, I never pass on anything, Mister,
especially when it comes with a little
umbrella in the glass.

ANGEL
You work here?

BARTENDER
Eleven years now. Used to be a regular
bar, but we put in the kur-okie 'cause
we thought it'd bring in customers.
(beat)
Drove most of 'em away. But we got a
couple steadies make up for it.

ANGEL
Steadies?

BARTENDER
(shrugs)
Some folks like the kur-okie. A lot
of students, the grad students.

HOST
(to Angel)
Fits the descrip.

ANGEL
We're looking for a guy, early twenties,
medium build - maybe one of your
steadies. Sings sad songs, like
"All By Myself?"

BARTENDER
(nodding)
Sounds like the kid…

ANGEL
Name?

BARTENDER
Don't know his name, but he comes in
every few weeks, runs through the whole
broken heart songbook. First time I
thought somebody died, but after a few
months, I just figured he was one of those
maniac depressants.

HOST
(to Bartender)
Hey, Goliath, you got a good picture of
that grad student in your head?
(Bartender nods)
Well, how 'bout singin' a few bars of
"For He's a Jolly Good Fellow?"

A beat. The Bartender looks at Angel, who shrugs.

ANGEL
He's a demon. Better do what he says,
or he might -
(looks at Host)
-- talk your ears off.

A moment, then the Bartender starts awkwardly -

BARTENDER
For he's a jolly good fellow, for
he's a jolly good -

HOST
(to Angel)
It's him. It's our boy.
(to Bartender)
Fabulous tone, by the way - really nice
vibrato. And you keep pluggin' away at
that novel, F. Scott. Art is its own reward.
(to Angel)
Gotta give the people hope.
(then, to Bartender)
Now, this grad student - which
university would that be?

Off the bewildered Bartender -

EXT. UNIVERSITY - NIGHT - STOCK - ESTABLISH

INT. PHYSICS LAB - NIGHT

PAN A CLOCK that reads 2:30 A.M. DISCOVER Gene alone in his lab, studying a complex set of equations (INSERTED) on his large computer screen. He moves to the dry erase board, erases a few of his equations, replacing them with new ones:

GENE
(muttering)
Nine to the eleventh where "P" is
invariant, x, y, and z are zero and proper
time is orthogonal to the other three
axes… given A and A slash zero equals
momentum and mass energy within the
conservation of p.x, p.y, and p.z.

He stands back, studying his work for a moment. He's on the brink of a breakthrough but doesn't want to be too excited just yet.

GENE (cont'd)
Here goes nothing.

Gene moves to the accelerators, inserts a set of equations on their touch pads. We HEAR various HIGH TECH WHIRS AND BEEPS and suddenly both accelerators click on, a reddish light coming on at the end of each accelerator sending a beam bouncing off both mirrors, creating (C.G.I.) a narrow force field band between the two mirrors.

Gene moves to the two tubes positioned over the force field. Opens them both to a precise setting.

INSERT TUBE - A tiny drop of silver mercury slowly mushrooms out.

BACK TO SCENE

Drops of silver mercury fall out of the tubes (in slightly slo motion on one take), descend towards - and right through - the force field beam.

GENE - watches, depressed, as the drops cascade through the beam into a special metal catch-bowl beneath it.

GENE (cont'd)
There went nothing. Oh god, this is
never gonna work…

He roughly switches off both accelerators and the lab falls silent - he glares at the math board and (must not be played melodramatically) hurls or tosses his magic marker at the board, walking out of the lab, shutting or slamming the door behind him.

CAMERA creeps past the accelerator into the dark recesses of the lab, DISCOVERING something odd, the shapes of two bodies. As they walk out of the darkness, we get our first glimpse of the LUBBERS, a sad-eyed demon fundamentalists whose dream of Utopia is the end of all human life.

One of the lubbers carries an ancient looking staff, a large red jewel embedded in the top of it. He will speak in a demon language and we will sub-title it. This should not tempt the fine young lubber into over-acting in the least.

LUBBER # 1
Rin dawn morayveo, kor saul lek, rin
dawn morayveo.
(sub-title:)
He is the one. He does not know it,
but he is the one.

They move in front of the math board, Lubber # 1 placing his staff in front of it.

LUBBER # 1 (cont'd)
Pren kah jo firondo, firondo pren kah
jo meerdo.
(sub-title:)
From nothingness the human pestilence
came, into nothingness it goes.

Lubber # 1 passes a gnarled hand over the staff. The jewel of the staff begins to glow.

CAMERA DOLLIES past glowing jewel and LOCKS OFF on a portion of the dry erase board that show several equations, including Gene's latest.

SPECIAL FX: A ripple moves across tow or three of Gene's latest equations and we see them subtly altered into new equations.

END OF ACT ONE

Act Two

EXT. FLASHY CITY CUTS - STOCK - DAY

INT. OFFICE - DAY

The place is cleaner. Some office supplies have been added, but it's still pretty bare and plain. Wesley and Gunn sit side by side behind the desk, depressed, as Cordy puts (unlit) candles into candle holders around the room.

CORDELIA
There, see? We'll work without the
harsh glare of fluorescents… Or all
that distracting computer information.

GUNN
Cordelia, stop trying.

CORDELIA
Really?

WESLEY
Join us.

Cordy sinks onto a chair next to theirs (three little chairs.) They're lined up crammed behind the desk like the "see no evil" monkeys.

CORDELIA
Ahh.

GUNN
Yeah.

WESLEY
Sometimes you need to wallow. Let the
depression settle in silently…

VIRGINIA bursts in, carrying a huge gift basket and a bottle of champagne.

VIRGINIA
Hey! Wow! This place is great! I
brought champagne! You guys must
be so excited!

Three sad little faces look back at her over the desk.

VIRGINIA (cont'd)
In that really dry suicidal way.

Wesley goes to her, gives her a quick kiss. Cordelia relieves her of the champagne, opens it.

WESLEY
Sorry, sweetheart, you just caught us
in a moment of… well…

CORDELIA
Reality.

VIRGINIA
Oh. That. I avoid that.

GUNN
How do you avoid reality?

VIRGINIA
Money. It cures everything but
boredom. And food cures boredom
so there you go.

She puts the gift basket on the desk.

VIRGINA (cont'd)
(re: basket)
Imported chips and packets of cheese.

GUNN
Thanks.

WESLEY
We'll enjoy them huddled around our
pathetic candles.

CORDELIA
We'll make pathetic nachos.

Cordelia takes a drink straight from the champagne bottle.

VIRGINIA
You guys are really down.

GUNN
Yeah. And don't tell us there's
nowhere to go but up, because the
truth is, there's always more down.

VIRGINIA
Oh! - and that's very well said by the
way - but I found a case for you! A
client. A rich one.

WESLEY
Really?

CORDELIA
And this isn't the first thing you say
when you come in the room?

VIRGINIA
I got distracted by the waves of
desperation. But it's true… My friend
Patricia, her family's got this, like, big
guy that's been harassing them, hanging
around the house, getting scary and they'd
be really grateful if someone got rid of
him…

GUNN
That sounds easy.

CORDELIA
Wait. By "big guy," do you mean "demon?"

VIRGINIA
Yeah. But by "house" I mean "palatial
estate" And by "grateful" I mean "they'll
give you big tubs of cash." Really rich
family. They invented, I don't know,
chairs or something.

CORDELIA
We'll do it! We'll do anything.

VIRGINIA
(pityingly)
So sad.
(then)
Anyway, it's a Wainakay demon. Got
the oldest son already.

CORDELIA
So there's been a death. You just let
these facts kinda dribble out doncha?

Virginia reaches for the phone.

VIRGINIA
I'll call Patty, tell her you'll take the job.

WESLEY
Sweetie - no phone.

CORDELIA
Also, no lights.

GUNN
And there's a funky smell.

VIRGINIA
I wasn't going to say anything.

INT. PHYSICS LAB - DAY

Gene, still depressed from the night before, digs out his keys, unlocks the door to the INNER LAB, enters, taking off his jacket, tossing it on a chair, absently scanning (unseen) screens on the computer.

Something catches his peripheral attention. He looks up. Something not right. He moves to the dry erase board.

GENE'S POV - The new equations. Written in his hand-writing, by the way.

GENE - knows he didn't write them. He looks around, a little suspiciously. Then, realizing the equations are correct:

GENE
(re: equation)
…nine to the seventeenth, where C 2
and E 2 are obtained by differentiating
the four velocity transformation…

Suddenly excited, Gene shuts the door and moves quickly to the accelerators, firing them up with different equations in the L.E.D. keypads this time.

Again they come on, again the red flashes from the tip of the accelerators and the C.G.I. force field springing to life between the mirrors.

Gene opens the valves on the liquid mercury. CLOSE - FAT DROPS of mercury FALL OUT OF THE TUBES.

C.G.I. EFFECT - Two or three of the drops fall and are "caught" in the force field, suspended in mid-air, frozen in time.

GENE - can't believe what he's seeing. He moves around the beam.

GENE (cont'd)
I did it… I did it…

CAMERA FOLLOWS - in the beam are six silver mercury drops perfectly suspended in space and time.

GENE (cont'd)
(very evenly)
Okay, I think this is a yee-hah moment,
I think this is definitely a yee-hah
moment -

And for the first time he looks truly and purely happy. He bolts for the door, slamming it shut behind him and racing out through the outer lab. We HEAR on his departing back:

GENE (cont'd)
YEEEEE-HAHHHH!

EXT. UNIVERSITY - LIBRARY - DAY

Gene, more excited than he's ever been in his life, comes tearing across campus and right past us, caroming around a FEW STUDENTS.

PAN to an establishing shot (if we can) including a sign that says REYNOLDS LIBRARY

INT. LIBRARY - HALLWAY - DAY

A dark hallway near library. CAMERA DRIFTS down the hallway towards a door with a sign: BASEMENT ACCESS, AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY. The door is shoved open - clearly breaking a lock - and Angel and the Host move down the hall, Angel steaming:

ANGEL
Where did you learn to drive?

HOST
Just now, in your car. Not bad for a
beginner, huh?

ANGEL
You nearly got us killed four times.

HOST
Someone had to drive - you weren't
exactly qualified, huddled under that
blanket in back hiding from the sun.

Host sees a co-ed, turns his back.

HOST (cont'd)
I better stick to the shadows - and think
of something to say should I happen
upon a comely co-ed.

ANGEL
Tell her you're the school mascot.
Wait here.

Angel moves off through the library. The Host watches him.

HOST'S POV - ANGEL at a REFERENCE DESK across the library. Angel says something to a STUDENT CLERK who helps Angel gather up several books. Angel makes his way back to the Host, drops the books on a kiosk or table.

ANGEL (cont'd)
Yearbooks and student/faculty
publications going back five years. Let's
see if we can't find your little madman
bent on destroying the universe.

As Angel and the Host start going through the books:

HOST
I like to think of him as our little
madman… but that's just me, team
player, you know?

Angel ignores him, CAMERA DOLLIES PAST them both, maybe DISSOLVING in the MOVE to someone watching them from a far and dim corner - a LUBBER DEMON.

EXT. UNIVERSITY - DAY

WIDE - ESTABLISH several outdoor tables, students eating and drinking at them.

VAL
You all right, girl?

CLOSER - DENISE and VAL sit at a table. Denise is sad. Val's eating. Their table is next to a big hedge or a see-through cinderblock wall with ivy growing on it, or something much better that Stewart will come up with.

DENISE
I'm sorry. I'm not… I don't know
what to…

VAL
Go on, spit it out…

CAMERA MOVES through the wall or hedge, we see Gene, still very excited, running towards us. As he pulls up even with the girls, he overhears:

VAL (cont'd)
You're among friends…

DENISE
I just… I just don't think it's gonna
work out with Gene and me.

Gene stops, can't help eavesdropping (unseen) as:

VAL
Ohhh, and tonight's your guys' one
year anniversary.

DENISE
You think I don't know that?

VAL
(sympathetic)
Oh, honey - in love, timing always
just sucks.

DENISE
Tell me about it.

VAL
But - and I ask this as a friend who's
seen you in some compromising
positions - are you in love?

DENISE
Well, sort of… I don't - I mean
Gene's a wonderful guy.

VAL
Yeah.

DENISE
He's a genius and all and really nice but
he's just kind of… hollow or something.
When I'm with him I feel, this is weird
but, I feel lonely.

VAL
Maybe that's because he is.
(off her look)
You know I love him but he is the
energy sucker.

PUSH IN ON GENE, his world dissolving -

DENISE
(beat)
I have to break up with him.

VAL
Uh, not to be a massive bitch or
anything, but - couldn'tcha figured that
out before your big anniversary do'!?

DENISE
(groans)
He's got the whole thing planned,
he's makin' me dinner at his place.

VAL
What are you gonna do?

DENISE
What can I do? I have to go through
with it.

VAL
(realizing)
Oh my God. You're gonna give him the
sympathy bone. It's gonna be dinner,
sympathy bone, adios Gene. I'm totally
right here, aren't I?

DENISE
What else can I do? We've been
together for a year, I can't just walk out
on him. I should at least… one last time.

VAL
No, you're right. The post-sympathy-
bone walk-out is your only escape
hatch now.

DENISE
It was really sweet there for a while
but - it's just, it's just not the kind
of love that lasts.

Off Gene, devastated, stepping away from the wall and the source of his misery.

INT. LIBRARY - DAY

CAMERA PUSHES in on Angel and Host at their table or kiosk.

ANGEL
This him?

Angel shows Host a photo - we're too far away to see it.

HOST
It is not…

They keep paging, then:

HOST (cont'd)
Got him.

Host shows Angel a photo in a faculty book.

INSERT PHOTO - Gene in f.g. in the lab, maybe Val and a couple of other grad students in b.g. Gene shyly holds up a check. CAPTION: Gene Rainy's just "in time" to win multi-million dollar grant.

HOST (cont'd)
He's a physicist. A pretty good one
according to this.

ANGEL
I'll find out where the lab is.

Angel grabs book and heads back towards research desk.

ANGLE - RESEARCH DESK

Angel approaches STUDENT REFERENCE CLERK, shows clerk Gene's photo in book.

ANGEL (cont'd)
I'm trying to get a hold of Gene Rainy,
he's a grad student in physics?

STUDENT CLERK
Oh yeah, he's our own Stephen Hawking.
(curious)
What do you want with him?

ANGEL
I'm sorry, I'm Leonard Taubman, from the
Taubman Foundation? We just freed up
some new grant money, I was hoping to
earmark it for Gene.

STUDENT CLERK
Wish I was a genius. He's got his own
lab in the physics department -
(pulls out school map)
It's about a quarter of a mile from here,
You just stay on this path, go past
Kelton Hall and -

The clerk looks up. Someone is coming up fast behind Angel. Someone the clerk finds pretty scary.

STUDENT CLERK (cont'd)
DAH!, what is that?

ANGEL
Don't worry, it's just the school
mascot -

AND WHAM! Angel is hit unbelievably hard in the back by the Lubber with his hunga-munga type weapon (we can't use staffs or swords because Buffy is.)

As the Student runs for her (or his) life and Angel drops -

INT. PHYSICS LAB - DUSK

Gene unlocks the door and enters his inner lab, closing the door behind him, heartsick, a broken man. He walks past his experiment, not even looking at the mercury bubbles still suspended in air.

He moves to the desk where his big computer sits. Picks up a picture (Gene and Denise in happier times, smiling for the camera somewhere Ext. Campus, his arm around her.)

Gene looks at the picture for a long beat. Possibly CAMERA shoots through suspended bubbles as Gene looks up from the photo to them, his plan suddenly crystallizing.

CLOSER - GENE

He says the following without malice or melodrama; his heart is simply broken.

GENE
I'll give her the kind of love that
lasts.

END OF ACT TWO

Continue on to Part Two

 


 

Happy Anniversary

Part 2

(December 7, 2000)

Story by: Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt
Teleplay by: David Greenwalt

Act Three

INT. LIBRARY - DUSK

Angel manages to get up off the floor to his knees as Lubber prepares to cut his head off.

HOST (O.S.)
(demon language)
AL-NOID MORASS-NA FED!

Surprised, Lubber turns and Host hurls a large book at his head. Lubber easily leans aside, book goes flying past and hits Angel as he's getting to his feet.

ANGEL
Ow!

HOST
Sorry…

Lubber swings weapon, Angel blocks and grabs it. Lubber produces another one - swings it down hard, Angel ducks at the last second as Lubber's hunga munga chops a hunk out of a reference desk.

LUBBER # 1
Doo hock nesto kall na chaylo nalda!
(swings weapon again)

This time Angel grabs weapon, tries to turn it on Lubber who is too quick for him, bashing Angel in the face with his right.

HOST
He's a quick one, isn't he?

Angel, fed up, beats the crap out of Lubber who eventually hurls a big wooden chair at Angel, knocking him back long enough for the Lubber to escape.

The Host moves to Angel who is breathing hard.

ANGEL
What'd you say to it?

HOST
I said we come in peace - I don't
think he believed me.

ANGEL
What'd he say to me?

HOST
He said "you shall not stop the Golden
Child, the one for whom we have
waited." Lubber demons, they have a
way with words.

ANGEL
What's a Lubber demon?

HOST
Fanatical sect, awaiting a Messiah who
will usher in the end of all human life -
a lot of your demons don't yak about it
in mixed company but it's a pretty
popular theology in the underworld.

ANGEL
So the mad scientist has these demons
worshipping and protecting him while
he blows up the planet or - what is he
gonna do?

HOST
Let's get to his lab pronto and find
out - it's pretty clear we're dealing
with a criminal mastermind.

HARD CUT:

INT. GENE'S APT. BUILDING - BASEMENT - NIGHT

Cut to as mundane a shot as possible of the "criminal mastermind" looking utterly bereft. He is installing his particle accelerators, carefully pointing them towards a specific point in the ceiling, humming/singing morosely:

GENE
"All by myself, don't wanna live…
all by myself anymore…"

Gene sets the key-pad coordinates.

INT. PHYSICS LAB - NIGHT

Angel (the Host a few steps behind) hurriedly moves through the outer lab to the inner one where Mike the grad student stands, shocked to see Gene's accelerators, etc., missing.

ANGEL
I'm looking for Gene Rainy.

MIKE
So am I, someone took his equipment.

ANGEL
What equipment?

MIKE
His particle accelerators, propulsion
batteries…
(sees Host)
YAH! Who's that?

ANGEL
It's okay, new school mascot -

MIKE
For the Buccaneers?

HOST
Not your school, silly.

ANGEL
Do you know what Gene was working on?

MIKE
Huh? Uh, time paradox, accelerating
specific particles out of our continuum
into their own excised universe.

ANGEL
Come again?

HOST
Stopping time.

MIKE
Which is impossible by the way. No
one can do the math. But does anyone
listen to me? No, he gets grants, I get
carpet mold.

INT. GENE'S APT. - BEDROOM - NIGHT

ANGEL (V.O.)
But if he could do it, if he could stop
time, how would it work?

The bed is against a wall. The window is open and a curtain is blowing softly. The room has a lot of lab junk in it in various boxes against the walls.

Gene places one of the accelerator mirrors on a box next to one wall, moves to the opposite wall and sets the other mirror (note: a force beam connecting the two mirrors would run right through the bed; also, because of the lab stuff around, the mirrors shouldn't stand out to the casual observer.) We continue to HEAR:

MIKE (V.O.)
Well, you know, according to his
speculations, you focus the accelerators
on a specific point and if you can
generate the correct velocity, whatever's
in that field would just be removed.

Gene velcroes another keypad device on the side of the headboard. Clicks it on. L.C.D. READOUT: Hit ENTER to ENGAGE.

ANGEL (V.O.)
Removed?

MIKE (V.O.)
From our reality.

Gene moves to the doorway, his work complete. Stops, looks back.

GENE'S POV - The bed. Comforter pulled back, nice fluffy pillows with a red rose on one. Lights low. Ready for love.

HOST (V.O.)
What happens to it?

MIKE (V.O.)
Nothing, in the absolute sense of that
word: whatever's in the field would
stand still forever in it's own private
universe.

INT. PHYSICS LAB - NIGHT

ANGEL
What happens to the rest of the world,
the part that's not in the field?

MIKE
Again, theoretically, nothing - as
long as the accelerator's velocity is
set correctly.

ANGEL
Correctly, for one specific field.

Mike nods.

HOST
Say someone, just for fun, decided to
crank it into overdrive…

MIKE
If the field is improperly contained,
it would just spill out, keep growing,
stop everything. Kinda wiggy, huh?

Angel and Host exchange a look.

ANGEL
Who has a key to this lab?

MIKE
Only Gene. Even the maintenance guys
can only come in when he's here.

HOST
(re: door to inner lab)
No forced entry.

MIKE
Why would Gene take his own equipment?

ANGEL
The question is where would Gene take
his own equipment?

MIKE
To his place I guess, maybe he wants
to calibrate it or something, away from
the prying eyes of us mere mortals.

ANGEL
You know where he lives?

INT. GENE'S APT. - NIGHT

Gene is setting the table, lighting candles, making everything just so. Again the lighting is low, romantic. Table looks inviting.

EXT. STREETS - NIGHT - DRIVING

Angel's car roars past, Angel at the wheel, Host next to him.

INT. ANGEL'S CAR - NIGHT

They're going pretty fast.

HOST
Hunh. So there's another gear after
that number two thingy.

Angle glares at him.

HOST (cont'd)
Relax, I'll pay for a tune up - unless
the world ends, then I'm off the hook.

ANGEL
Well if it saves you some money, I
guess it's a good thing.

HOST
This whole sourpussy mode of yours,
it's starting to grate. You know what
your problem is? Are you listening?

ANGEL
Do I have a choice?

HOST
Your heart isn't in it anymore.

ANGEL
I don't have a pulse so technically
I don't have a heart.

HOST
Technically, someone puts a stake
through it, you don't have anything
anymore, so bubba, your heart counts.

ANGEL
I have no idea what you're babbling
about.

HOST
Yes, you do. Tell the truth, if the world
were to end tonight, would it really, in
your heart of hearts, be such a terrible
thing?

Nothing from Angel.

HOST (cont'd)
Now sweetie, is that a fun place to be?

ANGEL
(this is hitting too close to home)
I think you should shut up now.

HOST
Excuse me, I'm the Host, have you met
me? I never shut up. You pushed your
friends away, you went from helping the
helpless to hunting down the guilty -
blood vengeance is a luxury of the lesser
being. You're a champion, Angel, I mean
you were at any rate.

Beat.

ANGEL
What do you want me to tell you?

HOST
Everything, what's in your heart, why
you stopped caring, you know, whole
ball of wax, so I can help you get back
on your path… no need to rush, we've
got time…
(checks watch)
…you know, not a lot.

Angel looks back at road and drives. Host waits patiently.

INT. GENE'S APT. -NIGHT

Gene sets the steaming pasta, asparagus and chicken bowl on the table next to the tossed green salad and fresh bread. He studies the table, everything is perfect. He puts a little wrapped present next to Denise's plate.

He checks his watch: she'll be here any moment.

INT. ANGEL'S CAR - NIGHT - DRIVING

Angel still drives silently, Host still waits. Host hums a little (unrecognizable so we don't have to pay for it) tune. Checks his watch yet again. Angel's had it.

ANGEL
(just goes off)
You wanna know what my problem is? I'm
screwed. That's my problem. I can't win.
I'm trying to atone for a hundred years of
unthinkable evil and - newsflash - I never
can
. Never gonna be enough. Now I got
Wolfram and Hart dogging me, it's too much!
Two hundred highly intelligent law school
graduates working full time to drive me
crazy why the Hell is everyone so surprised
it's working? But no, it's "Angel you're so
cranky, Angel should lighten up, you should
smile, Angel you should wear a nice plaid."

HOST
Oh, not this season, Honey -

ANGEL
(bitterly)
Redemption. Darla had a shot at redemption
and they took it from her. Now I have to
hunt her down and kill her. And I'm gonna
do it. I'm gonna kill her and then I'm gonna
burn that lawfirm to the ground. My crew
can't handle that. Good. It means they're
still human. Means they're better off
being fired.

HOST
Kinda left 'em in the cold…

ANGEL
It's a lot colder in here.

Beat.